


sugar daddy • chanyeol x baekhyun

by abnegative



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2019-10-13 20:13:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 56
Words: 73,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17494562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abnegative/pseuds/abnegative
Summary: [complete] completed 28/07/2019Byun Baekhyun needs to be in control. With his successful business and his upcoming wedding to his handsome fiancé, Sehun, things couldn’t be more perfect.But perfect isn’t always what it seems. How will Baekhyun deal with life when things are out of his control?This is MPREG





	1. Chapter 1

Byun Baekhyun swung around in his chair as he looked out the tall glass windows of his seventh story office. He was pleased he had made the move. With the boom in his business he was making more money than ever and his new office space reflected his burgeoning career success.  
   
He opened his diary and smiled when he saw his next appointment. His best friends, Minseok and Jongdae, were in at 11am for their first consultation and he couldn’t wait to get started. “Yixing.” He rang oustside to his secretary’s desk. “Can you make sure coffee is hot and get out the good cookies? The shortbreads. And let them straight in when they get here.” 

He leaned back and let his mind wander. When he thought of Jongdae, so loud and fun, his first thought was a soft coral. It was fun and flirty and loud without being overbearing. So a toned down version of his best friend. The colour that immediately came to mind when he thought of Minseok, so darkly beautiful and serene, was a luxurious navy. He’d never planned a wedding in those colours before but he suddenly got very excited and opened his big notebook and started writing down ideas.  
   
Navy and coral. Perfect. Unusual and striking without being gaudy or overpowering. Baekhyun was shaken from his creative storm by the opening of a door. “Baek!” Jongdae was on him in an instant. “How have you been?” he squealed as he squeezed the breath out of his friend. “Great. How about you guys?” he untangled himself from Jongdae’s oppressive affection to give a gentle hug to Minseok who was just smiling at his fiancee’s energetic entrance. “Same as usual. Can’t wait to start planning this wedding!” the glow on Minseok’s face was ethereal. Baekhyun was so happy for them. They’d been together since University, meeting by accident in the campus café one day, Jongdae the first year becoming instantly smitten with the senior student and wearing him down with his incessant charm.  
   
Baekhyun smiled at his secretary who came in unobtrusively with a pot of coffee and a plate of cookies. Jongdae immediately crunched down on a cookie spilling crumbs all over Baekhyun’s beautiful white desk and Minsoek just rolled his eyes and swept them up with a tissue. Baekhyun showed them the colours, samples of fabrics, examples of flowers and decorations, crystal hangings, marquees and chairs and balloons. After an hour they had a basic plan worked out. Baekhyun knew they wouldn’t want a church wedding and a marquee by the river would be perfect. The weather would just be turning and it would’t be too warm for suits. At the end of the hour consultation they had the bare bones of a wedding planned out on paper.  
   
“Want to go out for dinner tonight? My treat?” Minsoek asked as they headed to the door and Baekhyun shook his head. “No. I’m having dinner with Sehun. It’s our last weekend before the wedding and he’s going to go and stay with his friends for a few days before so, you know, it’s like building the excitement.” Baekhyun’s eyes shone as he thought of his tall handsome fiancée. Sehun was younger than him, a brooding and moody musician yet to really catch his big break. The better half of a year had gone into planning his own wedding. He had picked everytingn perfectly down to the last detail. Charcoal grey suits with accents of white. A soft pink was the main theme with touches of every shade of grey from smoke to silver. Silver decorations, silver and pearl balloons, pink roses and white lillies. Everything was planned perfectly from the groomsmen’s shoes to the strings of fairy lights that would be strung in the antique barn.  
   
“Cant believe you wouldn’t let us throw you a bachelor party!” Jongdae shriekded as they left. “You better be throwing me one and it better be wild!” Baekhyun giggled as MInsoek just rolled his eyes for the hundredth time. The man really had the patience of a saint, Baekhyun thought, as he imagined what it would be like to be married to Kim Jongdae. It was bad enough living with him at University. “Can we at least go to lunch?” Jongdae clung to Baekhyun’s arm and he looked at his watch and nodded. “Yes. Yes we can.”  
   
The three men made their way out of the beautiful gleaming office building down the street in search of a delicious lunch. As they packed into a small café and ordered salads and sandwiches and pots of tea Baekhyun smiled to himself. His friends truly were couple goals. They might be absolute opposites but they complimented each other so well and while Jongdae had spent the better part of their appointment joking, laughing and talking way too loud the soft look in his eye when Minseok smiled at him gave away the softness inside.  
   
Baekhyun picked at his meagre salad and thought of his wedding. He couldn’t wait to marry Sehun. He had been beyond surprised when the younger man proposed. They had dated on and off for about a year before Baekhyun’s business began to take off and he began to make noises about wanting to grow up and settle down. He thought Sehun would run a mile but to his surprise he turned up at dinner one night with a bouquet of carnations and a ring box and got down on one knee. Baekhyun said yes, of course, and after a year of engagement and another six months of planning the day was finally almost here.  
   
He’d been so busy that time had flown by. The last six months were a blur of work and work and work. Who would have known that wedding planning would be such a huge business. But the recent legalisation of gay marriage had put Baekyun’s business as the number one most sought after planner in the whole city. So while he had focused on building his business he had also made time to plan his own dream wedding and he was just a week away from the best day of his life.  
   
 


	2. Two

Sehun slipped into the seat across from Baekhyun at the restaurant. He was twenty minutes late, but he was always late, and Baekhyun just smiled at him. “Hi baby.” He said as he reached his hand out to grab his fiancé’s. “You’re late.” “I know.” Sehun said. He offered no explanation. He was like that. Words weren’t his specialty but he was a master of setting Baekhyun on fire with one brooding look. “Sorry.” Baekhyun whispered as he pulled his hand away. “I just missed you.” “I missed you too.” Sehun smiled a little and Baekhyun relaxed.  
   
Over steaks and salads and soup Baekhyun chattered incessantly. He had already been over the plans with Sehun a million times but he wanted everything to be perfect. He lived for weddings and it was no surprise after studying event planning and project management at University that he ended up designing and carrying out people’s dream days for a living. And his own wedding, the day he’d been dreaming of since he was a little boy tying veils made of pillowcases onto his head, was almost here. He had the perfect groom, the perfect plans, the perfect everything.  
   
As he picked at his salad he couldn’t wait for this damn diet to be over. The last thing he had wanted was chubby thighs and a double chin in his wedding photos. He had been picking at salads for six months in the lead up to the wedding and as he pushed an evil slice of cucumber aside and chewed a sliver of raw carrot he fantasised about the triple layer Black Forrest cake they had chosen. He was going to eat so much cake. Baekhyun was full prepared to slip happily into married life and totally let himself go. And he hoped his past would stay behind him where it belonged. He was determined to be healthy.  
   
“You okay?” he murmured as Sehun chewed his steak. He was always quiet but he seemed quieter than usual but the other man just brushed it off. “Yeah. Just sick of packing, you know, it’s so annoying.” Baekhyun and Sehun had continued to live separately until the wedding. Once they were married Sehun was going to move out of the tiny apartment he shared with one of his bandmates and into Baekhyun’s beautiful two bedroom apartment. With their busy and confliction lifestyles it was going to be a challenge to make living together work. Baekhyun’s schedule was one of busy days and long hours. Sehun’s was filled with late nights and lazy mornings. But, Baekhyun smiled to himself as a picked out a walnut and pushed the rest of the salad aside, he was ready. He was ready for the next chapter.  
   
   
The next morning he was in early as usual. He always made it to the office before his secretary, the efficient and affable Yixing, and made his own cup of instant coffee. He looked over the files on his desk left there the night before and considered finding and hiring Yixing one of the better moves he’d made in the last year. He was quiet and polite, charming to the clients, and efficient beyond belief. Baekhyun looked over the standard profiles on his desk, regular bookings of childhood sweethearts and whirlwind romances, some rich and some maxing out their credit cards, all looking for that one fairy-tale day.

 

He picked up a file pre-prepared by Yixing for his last appointment of the day. It was, in fact, his last appointment until he took two weeks off for his own wedding. He mulled over the information on the two men in the file. Do Kyungsoo, popular and well known celebrity chef with his own tv show, marrying his long time love Kim Jongin, highly sought after fashion model. This would be interesting.

Baekhyun was familiar with Kyungsoo. He had a love of watching lifestyle television, particularly cooking shows, and the irony of his lack of cooking skills not lost. He loved to get ideas for wedding menus and dessert plates. While Sehun was spending his nights out in the cold dragging his guitar around the city performing gigs for pocket change Baekhyun loved to snuggle down under a thick blanket and watch cooking shows with his pyjamas on. The picture used to include a heavy dose of chocolate, or pastries from his favourite bakery near his office building, but not in the lead up to the wedding.  
   
The other man, Kim Jongin, he was not familiar with. He pushed the file aside and entertained his first clients of the day, followed by the next, and the next. A sparse lunch of salad (again) at his desk, another meeting, and then the Do / Kim couple were back on his mind. “Yixing, the good coffee, and the nice cookies again.” Baekhyun requested and sat back in his chair.  
   
He had a sudden rush of inspiration. Cognac and cypress. A beautiful autumn wedding in rich earthy tones of cool nature. He hadn’t met them yet but the ideas were already flowing. He pulled colour charts and swatches of cloth and when Yixing knocked at the door he already had inspiration all over his huge white desk.  
   
They walked in and he walked out from behind his desk to shake their hands. The shorter one, Kyungsoo, was instantly recognisable from his tv show. Cognac was perfect. The rich but cool earthy tone suited his cold aura negated by his warm smile and handshake. The other, the tall one, didn’t suit cypress. Baekhyun had expected something totally different and the mystery was solved when he grasped his hand and said “You must be Kim Jongin.” The tall man’s loud laugh boomed through the white and grey office and his smile was as wide as his huge ears and his huge hand grasping Baekhyun’s tightly. “Me? No!” Kyungsoo laughed as well as they sat down. “This is Park Chanyeol. My best friend and best man.” Baekhyun nodded in acknowledgement.  
   
“Jongin’s busy overseas and so Chanyeol is helping me plan the wedding.” Kyungsoo offered by way of explanation and Baekhyun continued with his pitch. Kyungsoo was instantly in love with the earthy tones and the nature themes and snapped pictures of all the samples to text to Jongin. :Will you be making your own wedding cake?” Baekhyun asked Kyungsoo who shook his head. “No. My man Chanyeol here will be taking care of that.” He said proudly and Baekhyun turned to Chanyeol with a curious expression. He didn’t really know what he had imagined Chanyeol to be but an accomplished baker certainly wasn’t it. But Chanyeol grinned again. “I own Sugar Baby, the bakery just a few blocks over, and I do all the pastry work and baking for Kyungsoo’s show.” Baekhyun mulled over this information. He loved that bakery, well he used to, but you know a minute on the lips meant a lifetime on the hips. And a lifetime in wedding photos. “You don’t do all the cooking for your show?” Baekhyun blurted out and flushed with embarrassment but Kyungsoo just explained a little about the production of a tv cooking show and how chefs pre-made most of the things he ‘cooked’ on the show.  
   
“Thanks for coming.” Baekhyun wished them both on their way politely after Kyungsoo rebooked another consultation for a month’s time with Yixing. As the door to his office closed behind them Baekhyun sighed with relief and excitement. In just a few days it was his turn. It was finally his time.


	3. Three

The setting coldn’t be any more perfect. Baekhyun had spent all morning checking over ever last detail. The old barn was set with long tables. The flowers were beautiful and the decorations were exactly what he wanted. The whole place was a wonderland of flowers and fairy lights and stunning wedding day beauty. He was satisfied. Everything was perfect.  
   
He sat in the stunning hotel room surrounded by his best friends. Jongdae was abuzz, fuelled by champagne and excitement, and fussing over Baekhyun like he was a princess. He had the suit steamed and hanging ready to wear. He helped him dress and buttoned his brand new cufflinks for him, put his flower in his buttonhole and smoothed his hair. Minsoek kept their excitement contained with his own soothing quiet energy but even he was swept away in the moment as the excitement built.  
   
Baekhyun was gorgeous in his charcoal grey suit with a pale pink shirt underneath. He and his groomsmen wore no ties but their shirts two shades of pink darker complimented his outfit perfectly. With energetic hugs and one last slick of lip balm Baekhuyun was ready. Almost. He opened a white box and took out the beautiful flower crown of pink and white roses wound with gysophila and dark verdant ivy. It was his only acquiescence to femininity. He wanted to feel beautiful and once the flower crown was on his soft shiny dark hair it was enough.  
   
Jongdae and Minsoek hustled him out the door into a waiting car and they drove from the hotel to the wedding location. The atrium set up was strung with white swags of chiffon and there were flowers everywhere. A long pink carpet led from the curb where the cars were parked to the altar where the celebrant was waiting. People were already seated and the pink carpet was scattered with white rose petals undisturbed. The only thing missing was Sehun.  
   
“Shit,” Baekhyun muttered under his breath. “I cant believe he’s late for his own wedding.” He grinned at Minsoek and Jongdae. “He’s always late. We’ll just wait in here until he gets here.”  
   
Minseok’s concerned gaze met Jongdae’s silent worry. Five minutes passed and then ten. Ten minutes turned into twenty as the three men sat in the backseat of the luxury hired wedding car.

 

Minseok got out of the car when he saw Sehun’s brother Kris waking in circles on his phone. Baekhyun’s hands were shaking as Jongdae stroked his back. “He’s just late.” His eyes were shining with the tears he was too afraid to shed. It would make it all too real. His eyes searched the waiting crowd of friends and family with panic beginning to show as they began to talk, to turn around, to wonder.

Minseok walked back towards the car and opened the door. “I’m sorry Baek. He’s not coming.” 

Baekhyun’s lip trembled as he shook his head. “What do you mean? He’s just late right?” He laughed nervously as Jongdae held tight to his arm. “Right?” He began to laugh nervously. “Sehuns always late. He’s just late.” Minseok leaned over and turned Baekhyun’s face up towards his. “He’s not coming.”

Baekhyun looked out the car at the beautiful visage. The flowers, the decorations, the whole thing was perfect. The only thing missing was the groom. He began to shake as Jongdae pulled him close. “Get me out of here,” he begged as his friend held him tight. “Please....” Jongdae looked to Minseok who nodded. “I’ll deal with all this,” he said quietly. “Get him out of here.”

 

The driver took them back to the hotel as Jongdae stroked Baekhyun’s shoulder. He waited for him to cry, to yell or scream, but he just stared out the window as he trembled. The ride was mostly silent until they reached the day’s starting point. How happy they had been just an hour ago when Baekhyun had placed the beautiful flower crown on his dark hair and glowed with pre wedding excitement. 

The car stopped and Baekhyun suddenly turned to Jongdae in a panic. “What if he’s there? Sehun is always late.” Jongdae sighed as he got out the car and pulled Baekhyun by the arm. “He’s not there Baek. He’s not coming.” Jongdae led him back to the room and when Baekhyun walked in to find the joyful scatter of the mornings festivities he finally broke.

He sank to his knees as his flower crown lost its grip and toppled to the floor. He watched it hit the ground as he sobbed and suddenly picked it up. He threw it across the room, pink petals and green leaves shattering like crystal, a spray of soft pink exploding as it hit the wall.

“How could he do this to me?” Baekhyun folded his body into a sad little ball on the floor and Jongdae sat beside him. “I don’t know sweetie...” he said as he pulled him onto his lap and stroked his hair while Baekhyun cried and cried. 

 

By the time Minseok arrived back at the hotel room it was growing dark. Jongdae hadn’t moved. He sat under Baekhyun’s shaking body, not moving, not speaking. He exhaled with relief when Minseok was there to help. He slipped out from under Baekhyun and they grabbed an arm each and heaved his limp body onto the king sized bed.

“What did Kris say?” Jongdae asked in a hushed whisper. “Not much.” Minseok wiped a tear away before it trailed down his cheek. “Sehun just refused to leave the hotel room and when Kris went to the ceremony to get their parents to help Tao lost him. He sneaked out of the room and drove off and no one knows where he is.”

Minseok looked over at the shaking silent lump on the bed. “What are we going to do?” He asked sadly and Jongdae just shook his head. “I don’t know.” He answered and they just sat on the floor in silence.


	4. Four

“Baekhyun…” Minseok called softly as he unlocked the door. Baekhyun had given him a key to his apartment for emergencies and it was an emergency. After Minseok had dealt with the complete disbandment of an entire wedding, the logistics, the explanations, he and Jongdae had practically carried Baekhyun home to the city. They had bundled him into his bed where he stayed not answering any phone calls or texts. His work would survive, he was supposed to be in Thailand on his honeymoon anyway for ten days, but he was already so thin that Minseok couldn’t help but worry.  
   
Minseok had left him alone for two days but on the third he decided it was time to turn up at his friend’s apartment with a bag of groceries. He heard no answer to his call but he walked in anyway and unpacked the supplies onto the bench before searching for his friend.  
   
He found him in bed still. He clearly had barely moved for days besides to use the bathroom. The toilet but not the shower, Minseok observed, as his skinny body was still only clad in his expensive luxury brand boxers he had purchased especially for his wedding night. Minseok wanted to throw up when he thought of Baekhyun’s intentions when he purchased them. They were intended for the most romantic and wonderful night of his life and instead the only other person who saw them was Minseok as he tried to rouse him.  
   
“Baekhyun. Wake up.” Minseok shook him gently and Baekhyun opened one eye. He rolled over, grabbed his phone and checked it, and put it back down before retreating into his blankets. “Baek. Its 4pm and it’s both too early and too late to be in bed. You need to eat and shower.” Minseok said. “I did eat.” Baekhyun said and pointed to the half full bottle of water on his bedside table. Minseok shook his head and went back to the kitchen.  
   
When he had a big pot of rich and creamy chicken and potato soup cooking he turned the stove down and went back to the man hiding in the blankets. He grabbed all the blankets off the bed and tossed them onto the floor to the half hearted whines of his friend. “Get up.” Minseok said as he ran the water in the shower and returned to find Baekhyun half under the pillow. “Come on.” Minseok said as he dragged him by the arm off the bed.  
   
Eventually after much whining Minseok convinced Baekhyun to get in the shower. He got out a pair of cozy pyjamas and put them in the dryer to warm up while Baekhyun showered. When he got out he found Minseok waiting for him with the pyjamas and a thick fluffy towel and some warm socks. He dressed and Minseok dragged him into the living area where he settled on the couch with more thick blankets. “Jongdae is on his way. I told him to meet me here.” Minseok said as he put a mug of the thick soup into Baekhyun’s hands.  
   
When Jongdae arrived he looked stressed. Minseok went to meet him at the door. “Did you see him?” he whispered and Jongdae nodded. “Yes. He didn’t even seem sorry.” He whispered back. “He said all Baekhyun cared about was being perfect, having the perfect wedding, the perfect apartment. He said it seemed like a good idea to get married and let Baekhyun support him while he goofed off with his band but in the end he panicked and couldn’t go through with it.”  
   
Minseok hissed through his teeth. “Geez, Jongdae, he can never hear that. It’ll kill him. He did want the perfect wedding and the perfect life but he really thought he had found the perfect man to share it with.” Minseok didn’t know whether to scream our shout or cry he was so angry with Sehun and so distraught for his friend.  
   
When they returned to the couch Baekhyun was just staring vacantly. The soup was warming his hands but not his stomach as he held it untouched by his lips. “Baek?” Jongdae said softly as he approached the couch. “Baek how do you feel?” He was worried. The man had dark circles under his eyes and his face was almost gaunt. He barely registered the presence of his friend. “Oh Baek….” Jongdae felt tears fill his eyes as he sat on the couch next to his friend and put his arms around him. 

Minsoek sat on the other side of him and took the soup from his hands and held the spoon out towards his mouth. “Eat.” Minseok urged quietly and Baekhyun opened his mouth. He let Minsoek spoon a few mouthfuls of the nourishing liquid in before shaking his head and sinking down onto Jongdae’s lap. Jongdae held him from one side and Minsoek held him from the other and before long he was asleep again.  
   
The next day he ate a little.  
   
The day after that he was showered and sitting on the couch when Minseok came.  
   
The day after that he was angry. When Minseok came he asked for Jongdae and a bottle of wine. Baekhyun drank the wine and cried a lot. “How could he do this to me?” he drunkenly slurred at them and they shook their heads. They didn’t know. They really didn’t.  
   
The next day he was hungover and embarrassed. Embarassed of how drunk he was, embarrassed that his best friend had to send a hundred people away from his failed wedding, embarrassed that he had been so stupid to not see the signs. Sehun wasn’t excited at all. For the wedding, to move in together, even to go to dinner with him. Baekhyun, wrapped up in his own excitement, had failed to notice the signs.

As he wandered barefoot in his apartment he heard a knock at the door. He looked through the peep hole and his heart stopped when he saw Sehun. Maybe he’s come to apologise?

“What do you want?” Baekhyun called nervously through the door hoping for an answer that gave him some kind of satisfaction.

I’m sorry.

I made a mistake.

Please forgive me.

Instead all he got was Sehun’s sullen response. “I just want that box of stuff.” Baekhyun cringed. He hadn’t even noticed the one and only box of Sehun’s that had made its way into his home that was supposed to be theirs.

“Go away.” Baekhyun called weakly through the door. He sank to the ground and wished Jongdae or Minseok were with him. They had a strength that he needed to feed from. He stood up again and was angry when he looked again and Sehun was gone. He didn’t even try and defend himself.

Baekhyun tore into the box. It was full of stupid stuff, a few CDs, a few old tshirts and a couple of books. Baekhyun felt the anger well up inside him and he grabbed the box and ran to the balcony. He waited until he saw Sehun walk out of his building and he began tossing the things over the side. “Fuck you!” He yelled and tossed the CDs to the ground, feeling satisfaction when they shattered, smirking at Sehun’s shocked face. He tore pages out of the books and tossed them too before upending the whole box over the side of the balcony.

The items rained down on the street and one tshirt caught on the balcony rail. Suddenly exhausted, Baekhyun grabbed the shirt, and walked inside. The tears flowed hot and heavy and Baekhyun wanted nothing more than to sleep. He pulled his stinky clothes off, pulled Sehun’s tshirt over his head, and crawled into bed. 

He wished that getting angry made him feel better but he just felt empty. He buried his nose in the thin fabric of Sehun’s tshirt and willed himself into a fitful sleep.


	5. Five

Baekhyun straightened his suit jacket and headed into his office. His pants hung loosely around his waist and his hair, freshly dyed for his wedding, was showing the beginnings of dark roots. But beside that he looked fine. He looked great. He showed no outward signs of having been destroyed just ten days before in the most humiliating way. He was Byun Baekhyun, master of his own perfect life, and totally in control. He breezed through the lobby and took the elevator up to his office where Yixing was waiting patiently with his coffee.  
   
“Thanks Yixing.” He smiled at the neat and efficient secretary who smiled back. “Are you okay?” he asked and Baekhyun replied a little too quickly and a little too snappy. “Yes I’m fine so don’t ever ask again. I just want to put it behind me.” He took the coffee with sweetener and almond milk and retreated quickly to his office where he spent the next half an hour sipping the bland liquid and staring out the window.  
   
How had he been so blind? 

The best years of his life wasted. All that saving for the wedding, the planning and the preparing, and most of all the dieting. Tears filled Baekhyun’s eyes when he considered the kilos he had lost to look good in his wedding photos. To look good for a man who didn’t give a shit. To compare to a man younger than him and taller than him and naturally fitter than him who had made absolutely no effort at all towards any of it. He shuddered as he sipped the last cold sip of the awful liquid and tossed the cup in the bin.  
   
He turned his concentration back to his work as appointments started to come in. He met couple after couple, all loving eyes and gooey smiles, their anticipation and excitement sickly to Baekhyun’s stomach. He had to pretend that everything was fine, that he believed in love, that their days and lives were going to turn out much different from his. It was hard but he got through it.  
   
He worked through his lunch and before he knew it the clock read 2:25 pm. Yixing phoned in and said his last appointment for the day cancelled unexpectedly and Baekhyun didn’t know whether to stay at the office and be miserable or go home and be miserable. With his desk covered in lace fabric samples and pictures of bouquets he decided he would rather be miserable at home.  
   
He got into his car and drove slowly out of the parking lot under his building. Traffic was just beginning to build up and the street outside was busy. He crawled his car along bumper to bumper with the other people trying to escape and when he saw it with an empty park outside he made a split decision. The warm welcoming lights glowed through the windows and the pink sign over the door read ‘Sugar Baby’ in silver writing. Baekhyun’s stomach rumbled as the smell of vanilla and lemon seeped out from under the door.  
   
Fuck it.  
   
Fuck everything.  
   
He tossed the door open and was greeted with the sight of a tall man behind the counter. He was wearing a cap and an apron, his big ears sticking out cutely from under the cap, and he turned to greet Baekhyun with  a smile. “Hey!” he grinned. “Mr Wedding Planner right?” Baekhyun furrowed his brow before remembering where he knew him from. “Yeah. And you’re the best man.” The tall guy, whose name escaped Baekhyun, grinned widely. “Take a seat. I’m actually about to close up.” Baekhyun’s face fell. He didn’t want to be a burden but his stomach rumbled loudly and the tall man looked at him curiously. “When was the last time you ate?” he joked and Baekhyun replied sadly. “About six months ago.”  
   
Baekhyun stared at the ground awkwardly as the tall man eyed him curiously. “I’m sorry, I can’t remember your name,” he confessed as he got out a big white oval shaped plate. “It’s Byun Baekhyun.” Baekhyun said and the man herded him towards a couch set against the back wall. “Well Mr Byun. My name is Chanyeol, in case you’ve forgotten too, and welcome to Sugar Baby.” 

His smile was gentle and warm and made the well built man look child like and sweet. Suddenly the pastel décor and warm ambience of the café all made sense to Baekhyun. This tall and masculine looking man, loud and a little goofy, must be the softest human being on the planet. Baekhyun watched Chanyeol walk behind the counter and out into the back room of the café. He was gone for about five minutes before he returned with a tray containing the oval plate and two steaming mugs.  
   
“So Baekhyun.” He said softly as he handed Baekhyun a mug of something that definitely wasn’t coffee. “Bad day?” his eyes glittered with genuine concern. “How can you tell?” Baekhyun asked as he eyed the mug curiously. “Its tea. Extra strong English Breakfast tea to be exact. And people who come in looking for cakes at 3:45pm have usually either had a bad day or forgotten a birthday.” He picked up his own mug of tea and sipped as Baekhyun’s eyes went to the oval shaped plate. Six slices of cake were laid out beautifully on the plate, different flavours and decorations, and a stack of tiny cake forks next to them.  
   
“Try something.” Chanyeol picked up the fork and handed it to Baekhyun who stared for a second before going for a dark slice. “Choc mint cheesecake.” Chanyeol smiled as the rich bitter cake invaded Baekhyun’s senses and he closed his eyes as he chewed.  
   
Baekhyun flushed pink as his stomach rumbled uncontrollably. He finished the whole slice and picked up the mug of tea. The milky liquid cut through the richness of the chocolate and made him feel warm inside as he sipped slowly and smiled. The world seemed much more bearable with real food in his stomach.  
   
Chanyeol took another fork and cut through a light vanilla sponge. He held it out towards Baekhyun who shook his head. He really shouldn’t, he knew that, and Chanyeol frowned at his refusal. “Come on. I made the raspberry jam filling myself.” He said as he eyed Baekhyun again. The man seated across from him was so sad looking. He clearly thought his misery wasn’t obvious but it was written all over his face. His hair was limp and a little too long. His cheeks were sunken and the circles under his eyes were dark. And he was thin. Way too thin. Even thinner than Chanyeol remembered from their last meeting a few months ago. Chanyeol felt worried for the stranger sitting across for him. He didn’t know why, he could just sense the hurt radiating from his body, it was painful to even be near him.  
   
“Do you need to talk?” Chanyeol asked and Baekhyun’s eyes filled with tears as he shook his head. No. He didn’t want to talk about it. But he did want to eat the vanilla cake and he took the fork from Chanyeol’s hand and shoved the sponge into his mouth.


	6. Six

With the lamp turned down low Baekhyun huddled on his couch. It was really too warm for the huge pile of blankets he was smothered in but he needed it. It was like a soft fluffy shield to the cold harsh reality of the outside world. Kyungsoo’s cooking show was just about to start and Baekhyun’s mind wandered back to the afternoon trip to the warm little bakery. 

Sugar Baby. 

It was so cute it was almost too cute. Saccharine even. And the guy who owned it was a bit the same. He had sat quietly on the couch opposite Baekhyun, encouraging him to try the different cakes and sweets on the plate, never pushing for a reason why he had walked in late on a Monday afternoon in search of comfort and quiet. He had simply sat and offered Baekhyun silent sympathy. When Baekhyun left he packed the leftover cakes into a box and refused to take any money. His protests that he had already closed his registers off for the day were challenged vehemently by Baekhyun who ended up leaving after dropping a $20 in the tip jar on the counter.  
   
Just as the show was starting Baekhyun rolled from the couch onto the floor and got up slowly. His body was stiff from laying still for too long and he had never felt older or stiffer than when he made his way slowly into the kitchen in search of more sweet treats. The white box, topped cutely with a little logo of a candy pink heart surrounded by flowers, was on the bench and Baekhyun lifted the lid as his stomach growled. As soon as the lid was open the scent of vanilla and chocolate wafted from the box. 

He peered in and saw six half eaten slices of different cakes nestled inside, each accompanied by a little pink plastic cake fork, and a noodle box containing six tea bags. Baekhyun smiled to himself as he filled up his kettle. Always a coffee drinker, with bland almond milk and sweetener, Baekhyun decided it was time for his tastes to change. He searched his cupboard and found a container of sugar and he opened it and added one small teaspoon to a mug along with the tea bag and then the boiling water. It smelled amazing as he stirred the black tea before adding a little milk. It was almond milk and he made a mental note to go to the supermarket tomorrow and buy some real milk. And cheese. He hadn’t eaten cheese in six months.  
   
He tugged his pyjama pants up with one hand while he carried the mug of tea with the other. When had all his clothes suddenly got too big for him? He put the mug of tea down and went back for the box of cakes and sank onto the couch just in time for the start of Kyungsoo’s Kitchen. He stabbed the leftover peppermint choc cheesecake with a fork and had a little giggle. Now he knew the behind the scenes secrets, and that it wasn’t really ‘Kyungsoo’s Kitchen’ at all but a little team of chefs working hard behind the scenes. The cheesecake melted in his mouth as Kyungsoo made a light thai style chicken salad and Baekhyun made a note of it. Perfect for a summer afternoon wedding.  
   
He tried hard not to sink into melancholy but as he watched the smiling man on tv show recipes and techniques he couldn’t help but think back to that day just two weeks ago. He had shaken Kyungsoo’s hand and smiled and thought of how similar their situations were. Now he hoped desperately that they couldn’t be more different. He wanted Kyungsoo to have the day of his dreams. He wondered over this Kim Jongin guy, what he was like, was he a good man? Was he kind and gentle? Did he care about Kyungsoo’s interests? Would he break Kyungsoo’s heart? And why did Baekhyun care?  
   
He shook his head as he tried to refocus. That fucking Sehun had shattered Baekhyun’s view on love and marriage, weddings and forevers, and it was Baekhyun’s own fault. Before he only saw the joy. The happiness and the excitement. Now he saw all the faults and flaws. Everythng that could go wrong. And Baekhyun hated it.  
   
He stabbed a slice of hummingbird cake that looked, unsurprisingly, identical to the one Kyungsoo was decorating on tv. Baekhyun stuffed a huge bite into his mouth and thought about all the effort he had put into his relationship with Sehun. Sehun and his lazy work ethic, his ‘career’ which consisted of playing three gigs a week in a seedy bar, spending the rest of his time goofing off with his bandmates. Baekhyun had supported him, financially and emotionally, he had done everything for the younger man. He even pretended not to see the charge for his engagement ring on his own credit card statement.

He changed who he was. And somehow he had ended up as nothing but an unwitting sugar daddy.

Sehun never wanted to hang out with Minseok and Jongdae. He rolled his eyes and told Baekhyun they were ‘too gay’ and ‘too annoying’ and Baekhyun had acquiesced. He had lost interest in following Sehun’s band around like a groupie pretty quickly and while an ad blared in the background tears rolled down Baekhyun’s cheeks while he realised their split was inevitable. A small part of him was glad it was before they were married. At least he wasn’t 25 and divorced.

He was full but there was a whole untouched slice of Black Forrest cake in the box. His dream wedding cake. He sighed and sipped the tea and aimed the fork at the cake and it tasted like heaven. That tall guy could really make a good cake. It was moist and rich and the cherry filling was strong and tart. The ganache was like a mirror and when the sweetness filled his mouth Baekhyun closed his eyes and let it take over him.

He leaned over for another mouthful and saw a little pink business card in the bottom of the box. It was candy coloured and bore the pink heart logo of the bakery surrounded by flowers. It matched the sticker on top of the cake box and the words ‘Sugar Baby’ danced across the card in beautiful font as well as the name ‘Park Chanyeol’ and a phone number.

Baekhyun turned it over in his hands and saw the writing on the back. “In case you ever need to talk”. He smiled as he read the words and put the little card on the coffee table. Kyungsoo was making a frittata and Baekhyun suddenly felt too full. He slowed his breathing and willed himself to stay on the couch and the urge to run to the bathroom passed. He pulled the blankets closer around his body and fell into a deep and heavy sleep.


	7. Seven

Leaving early had become Baekhyun’s new normal. He would close down his laptop at around 3:15pm each day, lock up his office, and leave Yixing in charge of the phones. His inability to sleep well meant he was in the office earlier than ever and by 3pm he was usually wilting. He adjusted his neat black suit and fixed his tie before grabbing his bag. “See you tomorrow.” He waved casually to a smiling Yixing as he walked towards the elevator.  
   
Baekhyun was adjusting. It was slow and steady. He cried less and ate more. He slept less and stressed more. He threw himself into his work and removed himself from social media. Last he saw was Sehun tagged in a heap of posts about his band packing into a van and heading off on their version of a ‘tour’. Baekhyun knew that just meant travelling around, living rough in the van, playing gigs in tiny bars for a little cash. He was too tired to stay being angry. He just wanted to check out and so he deactivated all his accounts and felt better for it.  
   
Two weeks had turned into six, which swiftly turned into eight, and Baekhyun felt like he was finally starting to heal. His clothes were still loose but his face was losing its gaunt appearance. And today he’d promised himself a treat. He needed to eat.

 

The little bell above the door rang as he walked in. The aroma that hit him when he opened the door to Sugar Baby washed over him and made him smile immediately. There was one other customer finishing up a cup of coffee and at the ring of the bell he came out from the back. The tall man, the one with the cute ears, and the arms that made him look more like builder or a mechanic than a baker. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt, charcoal grey, and a pair of low slung skinny jeans. He really is cute, Baekhyun thought to himself, he must have girls all over him.  
   
“Hey.” Chanyeol said when he saw it was Baekhyun. “Mr Wedding Planner. How are things?” Baekhyun smiled at him this time, in a way he couldn’t last time he was here, and pointed at the glass counter. “They’ll be better when I get that slice of mint chocolate cheesecake.” He grinned. “To have here?” Chanyeol asked as he searched for a clean white plate. Baekhyun looked around. The last customer was getting up to leave. He knew they were closing soon so he shook his head. “You sure?” the tall man grinned widely and it was addictive. Baekhyun felt himself smiling back. “Yeah, you’re closing right? I don’t want to hold you up.”

Chanyeol put the slice onto a plate and turned on a small electric kettle. “Well I am closing up. But we’re almost friends really. Aren’t we?” He smiled again and Baekhyun wondered how the man got through a day without his cheeks hurting. “Just two friends hanging out and having a cup of tea.” He closed and locked the door while the kettle boiled and made the tea. He urged Baekhyun to sit and he took up a seat on a low couch with a coffee table in front of it. Chanyeol carried the tea over and came back with the cheesecake and something else.  
   
“You look like the perfect candidate to test my new recipe.” Chanyeol put the plate down and scooped a big chunk off with a spoon. “Open up.” He grinned at Baekhyun in an almost maniacal way and Baekhyun eyed the cake suspiciously. “As long as it’s not Black Forrest,” he said and Chanyeol shook his head. 

Baekhyun closed his eyes and opened his mouth and when he felt it filled with cake he began to chew. The cake was both richly and bitter, sweet and salty, and as a million different experiences exploded in Baekhyun’s mouth he couldn’t help but groan. “Oh my god.” He said as his lips stuck to his gums while he chewed. “What is that.” Chanyeol chuckled at his puffed out cheeks and his muffled voice and scooped a bite for himself. “Peanut butter.” He said. “To be exact, it’s a flourless dark chocolate cake, with a milk chocolate and peanut butter filling.” He hummed in delight as he chewed and picked up his mug of tea. “Does it pass quality control?” Baekhyun just nodded as he swallowed.

“So you look a lot better than last time you were here.” Chanyeol said tentatively. “You never called me so I guess you weren’t in the mood to talk.” Baekhyun suddenly remembered the little card in the bottom of the box and felt so stupid. “Sorry. I should have at least sent you a text to say thank you....” he trailed off as he thought of how low he had been those weeks ago, barely eating, always sleeping. Now it was the opposite. He was eating a little better but could hardly sleep. Maybe talking would do him some good.

“Ah... I had a rough patch a few months back... my fiancé left me.” He took a deep breath and continued. “Literally left me at the altar. It kind of destroyed me and it’s taken this long for me to get this far.” His eyes shone with unsaved tears and he blinked them back quickly. 

He looked over to see Chanyeol watching him with a gentle expression. It felt warm and comforting and the floodgates opened. Baekhyun told him everything, from the wedding day preparations, his insane dieting, spending all his savings, throwing Sehun’s stuff at him off the balcony. The sun sank lower as he talked and talked, ate some cake, talked some more. Chanyeol made fresh mugs of tea and Baekhyun continued to talk, his recovery, his love of Kyungsoo’s tv show, his feeling of finally regaining some strength. Chanyeol was an excellent listener.

By the time he stopped talking the sun had almost set. Baekhyun realised Chanyeol was the first person he’d told. Everyone else in his life where there, they saw the whole thing, like a car crash in motion. Telling Chanyeol had been wonderfully cathartic.

“It’s getting dark. Do you need a ride?” Chanyeol asked as he walked Baekhyun to the door. Baekhyun shook his head and indicated his car parked outside. “Thanks anyway. I should have taken up your offer earlier Chanyeol. Talking was really great. Thank you.” He said with genuine gratitude. “Anytime.” Chanyeol said as he handed over a box containing another big slice of the new peanut butter chocolate cake.

“See you round.” Baekhyun said with a smile as he climbed into his car with a wave. “I hope so.” Chanyeol muttered before going back inside.  
   
 


	8. Eight

8

Baekhyun smiled as the two men entered the room. “Mr Do.” He shook the hand of the smaller man and almost fainted when the second man walked into the room. “And you must be Mr Kim.” He smiled and maintained his professionalism but it was difficult. The model, Kim Jongin, was the most beautiful man he’d ever seen in real life. He was tall and dark, his skin like smooth caramel, his thick hair falling cutely across his forehead. “Hi,” the man said shyly and smiled. Cute. Baekhyun couldn’t believe how cute he was on top of being so gorgeous.  
   
“I’ve just got back from Paris. Sorry I’m a little tired,” he said apologetically as Kyungsoo pulled a chair out for him. “Coffee?” Baekhyun poured all three a mug of hot fresh pressed coffee and they sat down to begin. “These colours are beautiful.” Jongin was pleased with everything that had already been discussed and Baekhyun was satisfied he had another happy customer. He offered the plate of delicious cookies he’d picked up that morning from the bakery and Kyungsoo took one and Jongin smiled and refused. “No thanks. Fashion week is coming up.” Baekhyun knew the feeling and moved the plate away.  
   
He watched them with a quiet curiosity as he tried to see what was right and what was wrong. If anything was wrong he couldn’t spot it. Jongin was quiet and seemed almost shy and Kyungsoo was strong and outspoken. He seemed to have an instinct for when Jongin needed someone to step in and speak for him and when he wanted to make his own opinions known. He watched Jongin rub his eyes tiredly and Kyungsoo lean across and top up his cup of coffee with the little pot on the big conference table. He watched Jongin smile gratefully at the small gesture and his heart felt warm. Their love was clearly a two way street, paved with caring gestures, and words better left unsaid. It made Baekhyun feel like there was still hope that the world was a place of love.  
   
Talk turned to their engagement party. Baekhyun was a little surprised when one of the beautiful pearlesque envelopes he’d ordered them was pressed into his hand. “Please come.” Kyungsoo said. “I feel like this is a little outside our relationship..” Baekhyun said as he turned the envelope over in his hands but Kyungsoo just shook his head. “I heard you’ve been having a hard time lately. Just come and have a good time. Please?” Baekhyun felt himself nod his head and put it down on the table as he got up to show them out.  
   
When they were gone he sat back at the table and gathered his folders. He considered the envelope on the table with curiosity and a little anticipation. It had been three months and it was time to get his life back. Maybe he might be able to bring Jongdae or Minseok with him. He tore the envelope open and was disappointed to see the invitation didn’t include a plus one. But he decided to go anyway. It would be a reason to put some decent clothes on and get out of his stifling apartment for a few hours.

 

==

 

The little bell rang over the door and Chanyeol turned towards the counter with a big smile. “Hey guys!” He said as he stepped out from the counter and hugged them in turn. “How was Paris?” he asked as he squeezed Jongin’s thin frame in his muscular arms. “Dirty and busy.” Jongin laughed as he slipped out of the giant’s grasp and they sat down on the couch.

“Here.” Chanyeol put a thin slice of something dark and delicious looking in front of Jongin. The plate that landed in front of Kyungsoo held a light looking sponge. “Chanyeol....” Jongin whined a little as he looked at the plate. “Come on Jongin. It’s dairy free gluten free and sugar free. I made it just for you! It’s a chocolate tart made from avocado and raw cacao.” He stick the fork in and dug a little off the side. “I need an honest opinion.” He handed the fork to Kyungsoo who frowned at the gorgeous man sitting next to him. “Eat.” Kyungsoo said firmly. “Come on. You’re too thin as it is Jongin. Don’t give me that fashion week bullshit either.” Jongin sighed and opened his mouth and let Kyungsoo feed him him the rich looking treat. “Of course it’s good.” Jongin mumbled through a mouth full and took the fork from Kyungsoos hand.

“How did he look?” Chanyeol asked. “Thin. Tired. Sad.” Kyungsoo said as he started to eat his favourite hummingbird cake. “Did he take the invitation?” Kyungsoo nodded. “You should have just asked him yourself. He probably would have said yes.” Chanyeol shook his head as he picked up a huge mug of hot tea. “No he wouldn’t have. He’s been hurt really bad.” He took a big sip of the hot tea and laid his head back on the top of the couch. “He’s cute. I like him. I’m not really interested in anything serious and I don’t think he would be either after what just happened to him....” 

“I’d just like to get to know him. Take things slow, maybe have a couple of dates, see what happens.” Chanyeol sipped his tea again and put the mug down. Kyungsoo looked at Jongin who smirked a little. Chanyeol didn’t really chase after guys. It wasn’t his style. Usually they came to him and he was pretty fussy. He’d obviously seen something in the short and cute wedding planner to be even thinking about chasing him a little.

“Chanyeol are you sure about this?” Kyungsoo said. “He’s been through a lot by the sounds of it. You really think it’s worth it?” Chanyeol just nodded. “Yeah. It’s worth a try anyway.”


	9. Nine

Baekhyun adjusted his trousers and smoothed his shirt before he walked into the Four Seasons ballroom. He admired the chalkboard at the entrance with the names of the betrothed on carefully crafted display. He’d arranged for a chalkboard artist and smiled with satisfaction at the results. He loved when a couple showed up with no budget restrictions and let his creativity run wild.  
   
When he walked inside he tried hard not to be in work mode but he couldn’t help but wander around. The foliage on the tables was very unromantically named ‘Pig’s Ear’ but the stunning silver waves looked beautiful amongst the sprigs of olive leaves and the tiny carefully selected pine cones and cognac coloured chiffon. Black table cloths, white plates, low candles and plenty of gold rimmed glassware. It was really unusual and stunning and Baekhyun decided he would ask for permission to use the photos on his website.  
   
He walked around a little awkwardly as he tried to fit in. he didn’t really know anyone here, he recognised people from tv or magazines, fashion designers and daytime soap stars, industry friends of the famous couple. With no one to talk to he considered eating and leaving but Jongin spotted him from across the room and beckoned him over. 

“You made it!” he said and pulled him into a brief hug, bending down a little to kiss his cheek, making Baekhyun blush. “Thanks for inviting me.” He said a little falsely. He didn’t really know why he was there. Suddenly a figure loomed over him and he turned to see the tall baker standing behind him. He was wearing a white shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the collar unbuttoned just enough. Slim black pinstripe pants, an expensive looking belt, and a neat slicked up hairstyle completed the look. It was such a departure from his usual look that Baekhyun gaped a little. “Hey Mr Wedding Planner!” he said loudly as he clutched a half-drunk glass of champagne. “Hey Mr Cheesecake maker.” Baekhyun smiled back and they both laughed. Jongin looked from one to the other and smiled to himself. “Baekhyun doesn’t know anyone here,” he said as he turned to find Kyungsoo. “Why don’t you take him to get a drink.”  
   
One drink quickly turned into many as Baekhyun let loose a little. He liked the tall man, he had an enjoyable easygoing nature, and their conversations flowed like they had known each other for years. When the dinner was served Baekhyun was surprised to see himself seated at the wedding party table but the three glasses of champagne he had already consumed made his subconscious brush it off. Chanyeol continued to amuse him throughout the dinner, making him laugh loudly, making the rest of the table eye them curiously. They made an interesting pair, the tall loud man with a booming laugh and clumsy hands, and the small thin man with dark circles under his eyes and a smile that was too quickly faded.  
   
Baekhyun ate well and emptied his glass again and Chanyeol noticed immediately. “Let’s go to the bar.” He said and when Baekhyun sipped the fourth glass he felt a relaxation wash over him that he hadn’t felt in ages. He liked Chanyeol’s company, he liked the feeling of having a night out without being a third wheel with Jongdae and Minseok, and most of all he liked the careful attention of the tall man. He fussed over Baekhyun, treating him gently and carefully, attentively getting drinks and snatching small treats for him from the trays of finger foods being waited around. Baekhyun had forgotten what it felt like to be treated like he was important, like he was someone worth enjoying, like he was special. Chanyeol, and the five or six glasses of champagne in his belly, made him feel special.  
   
As the night wore on he began to feel a little woozy. He wasn’t used to drinking so much and when Chanyeol tried to turn him towards the dance floor he begged for some air. When they walked outside and the cold air hit him Baekhyun sobered enough to feel alert when Chanyeol suddenly pulled him into his arms. He let him hold him for just a little while before he pulled back and looked up at him. 

“Chanyeol, you’re really sweet and I like you, but I can’t really start something up right now. I’m still kind of messed up. You know.” Chanyeol smiled down at him and nodded. “Yeah I know. I like you but I’m not looking for something serious here. I understand being scared but why don’t you just relax and let me show you a good night. You’re cute, I’m cute, let’s go inside and have another glass of champagne and maybe even dance and have some fun……” Chanyeol trailed off as he grabbed Baekhyun around the waist and lifted him up a little making the smaller man giggle. He couldn’t help it. Chanyeol was right. A little fun sounded wonderful.  
   
When they pressed their bodies into the crowd on the dance floor something ignited inside Baekhyun. Chanyeol wrapped his arms around him and pulled their bodies close and he sighed with a resignation and relaxation he had been missing from his life. It felt good to be in someone’s arms, it felt wonderful and warming to be held, and as their bodies rocked against each other in time with the beat he felt something else as well. He looked up to see Chanyeol looking down at him with a soft edged hunger and he knew Chanyeol wanted him. And he wanted to be wanted.  
   
It had been a long time since he felt wanted. He tiptoed up a little to bring their faces closer and Chanyeol took the hint. He leaned down and captured his lips in a gentle kiss and Baekhyun felt life rush through his body. The emotion and adrenaline coursed through his brain and combined it’s intoxication with the effects of the alcohol. He hummed in delight and deepened the kiss and when his tongue made its way into Chanyeol’s mouth it tasted of champagne and cake and a hint of something imperceptible. It tasted like heaven and sweeter than any dessert he’d ever tried.  
   
Comforted by the mutual feeling of a casual encounter Baekhyun grabbed him by the hand. He pulled Chanyeol off the dance floor and towards the door. “Where are we going?” Chanyeol asked as the smaller dragged him out to the street in search of a cab before he lost his nerve. He asked the question but he already knew the answer and when Baekhyun spoke Chanyeol grinned. “We’re going to my place.” Baekhyun said as a cab pulled up and they climbed into the backseat. He gave the address to the driver and was sure to make it clear. “There will be only one stop tonight.” He said before snuggling into Chanyeol’s warm chest as the cab sped through the night. Maybe Chanyeol was just what he needed to start to heal his heart.


	10. Ten

“Nice building,” Chanyeol said as the cab stopped out the front and Baekhyun tossed some cash at the driver. “Thanks i made it myself!” Baekhyun answered and jumped into Chanyeol’s arms. He felt so alive, so suddenly unburdened by expectations, and so drunk. He giggled as he watched Chanyeol try to process what he said before letting his lips work their way as far up the other man’s neck as he could reach.

“Let’s go inside..” Chanyeol practically picked Baekhyun up and moved him towards the door. They made their way inside and into the elevator where it took Baekhyun a little while to remember what floor he lived on. He eventually pressed the button in triumph and as soon as the doors closed he felt arms around him. Strong arms that felt warm and safe, just familiar enough to be comforting without reminding him too much of the past. Baekhyun closed his eyes and relaxed as they rode the elevator in soft silence.

 

Baekhyun fumbled with the keys and finally opened the door. When it closed behind them he moved into Chanyeol’s body again, revelling in the warmth, the hot fire of arousal burning in his stomach. “Fuck...” he groaned and even just saying the word aloud sounded wild and scandalous. 

He dragged Chanyeol to his bedroom and began shedding his clothes. “Slow down...” Chanyeol slurred a little as he spoke but his eyes couldn’t look away. He watched Baekhyun drop his shirt to the floor and unzip his pants. The tiny part of his brain that wasn’t wasted knew this was moving too fast but the rest of him was so turned on by every move Baekhyun made.

Baekhyun stood still in his boxes while he waited for Chanyeol to make a move. For the most brief of moments he panicked a little. Did Chanyeol even want him? Was he too thin, too drunk, too sad? 

But before he could fall back into the wallowing pit of self pity he was trying to pull himself out of he felt big warm hands on his bare skin. “You’re so fucking hot...” Chanyeol murmured as he laid Baekhyun down on the bed and moved on top of his body. His drunken state made his movements a little sloppy as he kissed and licked his way down Baekhyun’s chest and stomach but Baekhyun didn’t notice. To him, it felt like heaven, just to be touched in a way that was so reverent.

He felt Chanyeol mouth at his cock through the fabric of his boxers and it was like nothing else he’d ever felt. He moaned and wriggled around in pleasure and didn’t even care that he was being too loud. But when he felt Chanyeol pull his underwear down and lower his head again he gasped for breath at the sensation. “Chanyeol...” Baekhyun panted a little. “Chanyeol you don’t have to do that...” Baekhyun murmured in between gasps for breath as Chanyeol sucked his cock hard. 

Baekhyun felt a little dizzy and he had no idea if it was the alcohol or all the blood in his body rushing south. He groaned loudly and bucked his hips as he enjoyed the overwhelming sensation of being blown. Sehun never liked to give head and Baekhyun had almost forgotten how satisfying a warm mouth could feel. He silently cursed himself for letting Sehun creep into his thoughts again and was shaken from his memories when he felt Chanyeol’s finger teasing his hole.

“Stop.... Stop sucking please....” Baekhyun begged for mercy and to his relief Chanyeol stopped. “Is this okay?” Chanyeol asked as he pressed his finger just inside Baekhyun’s ass and pulled it out again tentatively. “Or do you want to top?” “No, that’s good, but just wait a second....” Baekhyun rolled away and searched his bedside drawer for lube, his drunken rush making him clumsy, knocking things to the floor.

He swore a little with a slur and grinned at Chanyeol when he found the lube. “Yeeee!” He said as he handed it over and Chanyeol emptied it everywhere. “Do you have a condom?” Chanyeol asked and Baekhyun frowned before shaking his head. “Doesn’t matter...” Baekhyun laid back and pulled Chanyeol on top of him with a giggle and the tall man giggled to. Suddenly they were both lost in a world of hysterical laughter as Chanyeol moved between his legs. “Ow.” Baekhyun said as Chanyeol missed the right spot and he aimed again. This time he got it right and he groaned loudly as he pushed his erection slowly inside Baekhyun. Baekhyun sighed with drunken delight at the feeling of being warm and full and wanted. He let his legs spread wide as he relaxed into the feeling.

Chanyeol was just as drunk as he was but once he was inside Baekhyun some primal instinct seemed to take over him. He rolled his hips sensually and rhythmically and closed his eyes as he enjoyed the bliss of Baekhyun’s warmth surrounding him. It felt incredible. He’d started this up just hoping for some no-pressure fun but as he thrust hard into Baekhyun and looked down at the beauty underneath him he really thought he could fall for this man. His cute face was flushed pink, his hair stuck to his forehead with sweat, his eyes sparkling up at Chanyeol with what could only be recognised as an expression of grateful relief.

A sober Chanyeol would have made sweet words in his ear. But the drunken Chanyeol just thrust harder, reaching down to pump Baekhyun’s erection with his big hand, his thumb digging a little too hard in the slit. “You’re so fucking hot,” he growled as he fucked Baekhyun harder and finally felt thr smaller man stiffen under his body. Baekhyun’s cum filled his hand and squirted out onto their stomachs as Chanyeol realised he could stop holding back. He thrust hard inside Baekhyun, the heavy rhythm making them both bounce against the mattress, finally reaching his orgasm. His last few thrusts were sloppy and messy, all rhythm lost, his eyes clenching shut as pleasure shot through his body. He came hard as deep inside Baekhyun as he could and when it was over he laid still for a while to regain his breath.

Chanyeol rolled off and pulled Baekhyun close against his body. The smaller man snuggled against his chest and as Baekhyun dozed off almost instantly all he could think of was how sore he was going to be tomorrow. But how totally worth it it had been. He fell asleep contentedly to the sound of Chanyeol’s gentle snores and the rise and fall of his broad chest.


	11. Eleven

 

 

Baekhyun blinked in the bright mid morning light. He wasn’t surprised to find the bed empty next to him and he smiled a little before sitting up. His head pounded with a shocking hangover. He knew he shouldn’t drink champagne and was going to regret it all day.

 

He rubbed his forehead and pushed his messy hair back and soon realised the pain in his body wasn’t limited to his head. He was aching all over. He felt gross and sweaty and decided to lay in the bath until his head stopped aching so much. As he grabbed his phone to check the time he saw he had an unread message and opened it up.

 

**_“Had a wonderful time. Sorry to run out so early but I had to go in to the bakery and I didn’t want to wake you. Please call me sometime – C xx”_ **

 

Baekhyun was shocked to see it was already after 10am. He stumbled towards the bathroom and ran the deep bath full, added some refreshing bubbles, and closed the blinds before climbing in. He sank down deep in the water and let it consume all his senses as he closed his eyes and let pieces of last night come flooding back to him. He couldn’t believe he’d let himself get so swept away by the tall handsome man with the ridiculously addictive smile. But there was something so genuine about his attention, the way he fussed over Baekhyun and looked after him, the relaxed way he made Baekhyun feel. And Baekhyun couldn’t believe he’d let him touch him and kiss him and do things to his body that Sehun never would have.

 

 

 

When he felt clean and fresh and able to face the world he climbed out of the lukewarm water and dried his body and hair. He had a small mark on his collarbone and images came rushing back. A warm feeling pooled below his stomach as he remembered the sensation of Chanyeol’s hands on his body, his mouth tasting his skin, the hot full feeling of Chanyeol inside him. He felt good for the first time in a long time, not just since the wedding, but the best he’d felt in years.

 

 

He smiled when he reread the message from Chanyeol. He was such a great guy and seemed to understand exactly where Baekhyun was in his life and what he needed. Last night had been exactly what he needed. Maybe he might be able to consider something more serious as time went on and his heart healed a little more. But last night had definitely put a big patch over the hole in his heart and he felt like this was the first day in as long as he could remember where the smile on his face didn’t feel forced. Where the bags under his eyes were a little less dark and the spring in his step was a fair bit lighter. He had a message from Jongdae wanting to meet for brunch and he quickly send a text accepting. He was starving and a big belly full of delicious food then home for a nap sounded like the ideal way to end his weekend.

 

 

==

 

 

 

“Hi.” He said as he walked across the restaurant towards the table where his friends were already seated. “You had sex!” Jongdae shouted out as he stood up. Baekhyun flushed bright red and looked around to see a few people looking their way. “Dae…” Minseok hissed as he grabbed his lovers arm and pulled him back into his chair. “Inside voice please.”

 

Baekhyun sat across from them with his face on fire. “How can you tell?” he whispered and Jongdae laughed loudly. “You look happy and tired and you’re moving funny!” he cackled as Baekhyun put his head in his hands. “And you have a hickey right here!” Jongdae leaned over and poked Baekhyun on the neck right under his earlobe.

 

“Okay fine. I admit it.” Baekhyun mumbled to the delighted smiles of his friends. “Who?” Minseok asked and Baekhyun blushed again. “The baker. The tall guy with the ears, you know him, he owns that Sugar Baby bakery.” “Oh my God I love that place!” Jongdae shrieked again and quickly shushed when Minseok shot him another fierce glance. “Sorry baby…” he whispered dramatically and Minseok rolled his eyes but he laughed and Baekhyun did too and soon the whole table was in uproar. Baekhyun's eyes sparkled as he laughed and he felt like he was just grasping his old self again. Not the self who was Sehun’s supporter, someone else’s definition of who he was, but the real Baekhyun. The real man who existed long before Sehun ever walked into his life and broke his heart to pieces.

 

He ate his lunch and went home for a nap. He couldn’t be bothered to change his sheets and his bed held the lingering scent of an unfamiliar man and it was strangely comforting. Baekhyun nodded off with a smile knowing he was still attractive enough to other people and that maybe it wasn’t all his fault. He might even contact Chanyeol again in a few weeks after he let things settle down and when he felt the need to have another fun night without pressure or expectations. And when he woke up he sent Chanyeol a quick text that was simple and to the point.

 

**_“Thank you for last night. It was just what I needed. Maybe we can do it again one day soon – B x”_ **

 

 

 

==

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol’s phone buzzed on the table and he picked it up immediately. He’d just closed the bakery after working all day with a hangover. He’d been annoyed that the staff member rostered on that day had called in sick but it was his business and his responsibility and he could never skip out on his responsibilities. Chanyeol wasn’t that kind of guy.

 

He read the message with a soft smile and put the phone back down to take a big mouthful of his Earl Grey. He never usually drank Earl Grey but he needed the hint of citrus to pick up his mood. As he sipped the tea he thought about adding an Earl Grey tea cake to the menu in Sugar Baby. It would be amazing with a sticky marmalade glaze. He wanted to call Baekhyun but he didn’t want to scare himk off. He liked the guy but he knew the last thing he needed was to be pushed. He would wait it out, wait for Baekhyun to be the one to push, he had every confidence the other would want to see him again.


	12. Twelve

 

Baekhyun had never felt so strange in his life. He figured it was a virus, Yixing insisted he was over working himself, Jongdae said he needed to eat more. But for the last few days every time Baekhyun tried to eat something he felt sick. Maybe it was just his body’s reaction to everything he’d put it through during the break up.

 

He sat at his desk and sipped at a tall glass of water while he waited for his next appointment to arrive. “Yixing. Don’t forget the coffee,’ he said through the intercom as he fidgeted with the lace samples on his desk. He’d been briefed before this meeting by one of the brides who insisted her fiancée was going to have very particular tastes. Baekhyun was beyond excited to be planning his first lesbian wedding.

 

When they arrived Yixing let them in. Baekhyun was stunned by the gorgeous couple. “I’m Byul.” A stunning woman with straight red hair and a deep voice introduced herself and then turned to her blond haired partner. “And this is Yong Sun.” Baekhyun shook their hands and when the scent of the blond woman’s perfume hit his nose Baekhyun retched a little.

 

“Everything okay?” Byul asked him with a hint of concern and he just smiled at them. “I apologise. I haven’t been feeling well today but I’ll be fine in a couple of days. Please take a seat.”

 

He showed them the samples on his desk. This wedding was going to be spectacular. He could just feel it. His one chance to go absolutely wild with feminine décor, flowers, and fabrics. He couldn’t wait. He showed them the colour pallete he had envisioned and the one called Yong Sun gasped. “It’s perfect.” Baekhyun showed them lace and damask in dusky pink, lavender and pale peach. Byul looked a little concerned. “What’s wrong?” Yong Sun asked as she grabbed her fiancées hand and squeezed it tighter. “I want all this to be perfect for you. I can see that you love the colours.” She smiled wanly at the woman she loved smiling at her. “But I really want to wear a red dress and I don’t think it will match.”

 

“Oh my god. Where have you been all my life?” Baekhyun exclaimed to the delighted giggles of both women. “Nothing will match better! Red with this pallet? It will be perfect. Trust me!” Byun relaxed significantly as Baekhyun pulled out a card and showed them that red in fact wold match. “What colour are you wearing?” he asked Yong Sun and she blushed. “Cream. With pink flowers in my hair and I want to carry a bouquet of dandelions.” Baekhyun could cry. These women were pure bohemian hipster perfection.

 

“You in cream with red lips and you in a red dress?” he clutched his chest dramatically and they laughed at him. “I’m just so excited about this!” Yong Sun smiled. “I really hope you will help choose the dresses. Is that something you do as part of all this?” Baekhyun nodded. This was turning out to be the best job ever.

 

Yixing slipped unobtrusively into the room with the tray of coffee and cookies but the smell washed over Baekhyun immediately and he retched a little again. He ignored the concern on the faces of the two women as he took another tentative sip of his water and took a deep breath.

 

He held his breath while he filled their cups and showed them locations, cakes, décor and photographers portfolios. Then he had to ask the question he always dreaded. Those who came to Baekhyun’s business were never usually short of cash since his own services were expensive but they didn’t look like the kind of people who were rolling in money. Baekhyun knew never to make assumptions based on appearances but they gave off such a free spirited hippie vibe, Yong Sun in her flowing paisley dress and brown leather sandals, Byul with her dyed orange hair and denim shorts and cowboy boots.

 

“What is your overall budget?” he asked and they both just shrugged. “Yong Sun’s Dad is paying and he’s loaded.” Byul said nonchalantly and Young Sun just smiled radiantly. “Daddy just wants me to be happy and have the most beautiful wedding ever.”

 

Baekhyun had enjoyed the fun and joyful company of the two young women and was a little disappointed to see the two hour consultation they’d booked had flown by. His stomach lurched again as he stood up and he began to sweat a little. He was so thankful this was his last appointment for the day. He walked the women to the door and opened it for them and shook their hands as they said their goodbyes. “Make another appointment with my secretary.” Baekhyun said. “I can’t wait to choose those dresses!”

 

When Yong Sun made her way over to talk to Yixing Byul hung back. “Here.” She said as she handed him a business card from her pocket. He turned it over and saw that it had her details on it. “I’m a naturopath.” She smiled softly. “Come and see me when you don’t feel any better.”

 

He frowned in confusion but put the card into his pocket.

 

He left the office and drove home. The lights were all out at Sugar Baby but he guessed Chanyeol would still be in there somewhere coming up with some new creation. He smiled at the thought of the tall handsome man who’d been the catalyst to turn his life around. Ever since the night they’d spent together Baekhyun had felt renewed. He’d regained the spring in his step and the sway of his hips and his optimistic outlook on his future. He had thought his life was over when Sehun left him but now he knew it was only just beginning. There was so much more out there for him and he couldn’t wait to see where life took him.

 

He wondered how long he had to wait before Chanyeol would call him. Chanyeol had been so insistent that they could have something casual that Baekhyun didn’t want to ruin it by coming on too strong. He would be eternally grateful for Chanyeol pulling him out of his funk and he was definitely interested in another ‘casual’ encounter. But he was finally feeling like his old self and he wasn’t ready to rush into something serious again. He still had his amazing apartment and his successful business. If he could have a few fun dates with Chanyeol his life would be perfect. He felt like he needed some fresh air but when he would the window down of the car the smell of exhaust fumes and street food just made him retch again and he quickly wound it up. If only he could shake this annoying sickness that had taken over him in the last few days.

 

He wondered why Byul had insisted he wouldn’t feel any better. He decided to call Chanyeol when he did.

 

 

 

 


	13. Thirteen

Minseok was concerned. The old Baekhyun was back. The Baekhyun from college who fell so quickly into the depths of his own dark moods. Baekhyun was losing weight again. He wouldn’t eat and he wouldn’t go anywhere and he and Jongdae decided it was time for another intervention. They knocked at the door of his apartment with wine and takeaway Chinese food. Baekhyun loved honey chicken with special fried rice. It was his favourite. They even had a paper bag filled with spring rolls and dim sims and a little bag of fortune cookies for after. Baekhyun always loved finding out what the future would hold for him.  
   
“Let us in Baekhyun.” Jongdae called out while Minseok knocked. “Should have bought the spare key.” He whispered to his fiancé who nodded his agreement. “Let me in or I’ll just keep banging on this door until it caves in!” Jongdae yelled and began to knock so loudly Baekhyun was sure the neighbours would think he was being broken in to.  
   
He couldn’t put it off any more. He had to let them in. Someone was bound to find out sooner or later.  
   
He shifted his aching body from the bathroom floor where he’d just thrown up a whole mug of tea into the toilet. He opened the door and gagged again when the scent of rich garlicky food and MInseok’s favourite aftershave filled his nostrils. “Red wine?” he asked to the surprise of both Minseok and Jongdae but Baekhyun swore he could smell it through the corked and unopened bottle.  
   
His eyes were ringed dark and his hair was limp and greasy. He looked thin and pale and like he’d taken a major step back in his recovery. “Baek.” Jongdae pulled him into a hug and squeezed him tight. “We’re here to make you feel better. We have food and wine and fortune cookies and you’re going to eat and we’ll watch your favourite cooking shows and forget all about Sehun.”  
   
“Sehun isn’t the problem.” Baekhyun smiled weakly as tears filled his eyes. “Then what’s got you in such a bad way?” Minseok moved closer, pushing Jongdae out the way, sensing this was going to be heavy. He never should have encouraged Baekhyun to get closer to that baker guy. But he never realised he’d fall so quickly again. “Are you depressed because Chanyeol hasn’t called you yet? Why don’t you just call him?”  
   
“It’s not him either! Well not really.” Baekhyun’s voice rose as a tear escaped and ran down his thin pale cheek.  
   
“I’m pregnant.”  
   
Jongdae dropped the bag of food in shock.  
   
“Are you sure?” Minseok asked gently as he put his arm around his distraught friend. “Fucking go in there and look if you don’t believe me.” Baekhyun indicated the bathroom where he felt like he’d been living for the last week of his life. Minseok opened the door and saw the tests scattered on the sink and the floor. He stared at the tests, guessing there were about twelve lying around, and picked one up. The two blue lines were definite and bold. There was no mistake.  
   
“Baek. Really?” Jongdae squealed as he hugged his best friend tight. “You’re so lucky! Minseok said we have to wait until after the wedding to try but, wow, I’m going to be an uncle! Really?” he asked again and Baekhyun smiled through his tears. He somehow knew Jongdae would help him see the bright side.  
   
“You’re going to have a cutie little baby!” He grabbed Baekhyun by the hand and dragged him over to the couch. “None of this!” he said as he took the wine out into the kitchen. He came back with bowls and began to empty the containers of food out and Baekhyun sniffed a little. “No…” he shook his head as the scent of the oil and meat in the dim sims hit his nose. “Maybe this…” he pointed to the rice and Jongdae smiled when Baekhyun took the bowl but he quickly handed it back. “Can you pick the egg out please?” he asked. Jongdae quickly complied. Then the scent of something else hit Baekhyun’s senses. The rich sweet smell of honey. “Is that honey chicken?” he asked and Jongdae jumped up to open the container. He picked out the nicest few pieces, not enough to overwhelm Baekhyun, and put them on top of Baekhyun’s meagre pile of rice.  
   
When the sweet honey flavour filled Baekhyun’s mouth he groaned in pleasure. “Oh no.” he said as Minseok joined them. “Now I have to eat this every day. I haven’t enjoyed anything for weeks.” He stuffed the chicken into his mouth as his stomach growled and after a few mouthfuls of the rice he looked around on the table. “You want more chicken don’t you?” Minseok had joined them and was beyond happy to see his friend eating and enjoying something nourishing.  
   
He dropped the rest of the chicken into Baekhyun’s bowl and waited for him to finish chewing. “Is it that Chanyeol guy’s baby?” Minseok asked and Baekhyun nodded. “When are you going to tell him?”  
   
Baekhyun felt cold all over. He didn’t even know Chanyeol. He didn’t know if he would want this baby. Would he want to be in their lives? Would he want to be responsible or would he want to run a mile?  
   
Baekhyun shrugged. “I’m not sure. It’s my problem and it’s my responsibility. I can take care of this on my own.” “No Baek you can’t. It’s his responsibility too, as much as he may or may not want it, and he’s going to have to accept that.” Minseok frowned as he chewed on a spring roll. “He might be thrilled. You never know.” Baekhyun shook his head. “He won’t. He was so adamant Minseok. He wanted nothing more than a fling, just something casual, he told me that. And it seemed like a great idea. Until this.” Baekhyun stared at his stomach, thinner and flatter than ever, and stuffed a huge bite of the honey covered chicken into his mouth. “He’s not going to want a baby or to be a father. He’s definitely not going to want me when I’m fat and needy and gross. And I don’t need him. I can do this on my own.”  
   
“He still has a right to know.” Jongdae tried to smile but he was worried. “No. he doesn’t need his life ruined by this.” Baekhyun shook his head. “Plus what if he tries to get me to, you know ….” He stared down at his hands. “I need some water.”  
   
When he walked out into the kitchen Jongdae shook his head at Minseok who looked equally as troubled. “What do we do?” he whispered. “The guy has a right to know.” “We keep quiet until Baek gets more used to this.” Minseok said as he tossed the remaining dim sims on his plate over onto Jongdae’s. “He’ll have to tell him eventually. All we can do is be there for him Dae.” Jongdae knew Minseok was right. He was almost always right.  
   
“What are you whispering about?” Baekhyun asked as he returned with his water. He’d put a big slice of lemon in it as it seemed to help settle his stomach somewhat. “Nothing.” Minseok said as he held his arms out and Baekhyun collapsed into his arms. Minseok stroked his hair while Baekhyun cried into his lap and Jongdae held his feet with one hand and his plate of food with the other.  
   
“You’re not alone Baek.” Jongdae said as he put his food down and rubbed Baekhyun’s feet. “You have us. Right Minseok?” “Right!” Minseok grinned when Baekhyun sat up and reached for a fortune cookie.  
   
When he cracked it open he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  
   
 _Look forward to being blessed with a new love in your life_  
   
Baekhyun rubbed his flat stomach and thought how it couldn’t be truer.  
   
 


	14. Fourteen

Baekhyun had never suffered like this in his life. He’d felt better for a few days before he suddenly felt worse. He sat back in his office, back drenched in sweat, his head over the wastebin as tears filled his eyes.  
   
“Baek.” Yixing’s face filled with worry when he walked in. “What is wrong with you?” He put the coffee down on the desk and Baekhyun looked up at him in despair. “I guess you have to find out eventually. I’m pregnant. And apparently my body doesn’t like it very much.” He smiled weakly as realisation washed over his secretary’s face. “Baek that’s wonderful!” Yixing hugged him tight before pulling back at arm’s length. “Wait, it’s not Sehun’s, is it?” Baekhyun shook his head.  
   
“Anyway I can’t stop throwing up whenever I try to eat something. I’ve tried toast, porridge, eggs, bacon, chicken, fruit and yoghurt. And that’s just today…” Yixing’s brow furrowed at the sight of his painfully thin and pale boss hunched over the little bin. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? I can clear your calendar easily I’ll just reschedule your appointments….” “No..” Baekhyun shook his head as he put the bin down and ran his hands through his hair. “Now isn’t the time to let my business slip. I’ll have to start saving so I’ll need all the income I can get over the next few months.”  
   
“Have you been to the doctor?” Yixing asked and Baekhyun shook his head. “I’ll schedule an appointment.” Yixing said decisively as he stood up and walked out. He came back in with a glass of cold water and a wet cloth which Baekhyun took gratefully and proceeded to clean up his face. When Baekhyun’s appointment showed up Yixing tuned his phone over to messages and sneaked out of the office.

 

==

 

   
Yixing walked briskly along the busy street towards the bakery. He knew this was Baekhyun’s favourite. He talked about it all the time. Yixing was sure there would be something in there that would make him feel better. He opened the door and was overwhelmed with the delicious combination of baked vanilla and chocolate and sugar. The place smelled like heaven. No wonder Baekhyun liked it so much.  
   
“Hey!” A loud voice greeted Yixing from behind the counter. “Baekhyun’s secretary. Right?” The man was tall and very handsome. Yixing almost swooned a little when he smiled but he gathered himself together quickly and inspected the glass cupboards for something suitable. “I remember you. You came into the office.” Yixing bent over to inspect a row of muffins and pastries. “Baekhyun…. Isn’t feeling well. What do you think I should get him?”  
   
Chanyeol frowned at his words. “What do you mean? Is he okay?” Yixing coughed a little as he tried to cover up what he had just said. He was sure Baekhyun didn’t want his secret spilled to strangers. “Yeah he’s okay. He just needs something to get his strength back.” Chanyeol still looked concerned. He opened a glass cabinet and used a pair of tongs to remove a few items. He placed them carefully into a white cake box before disappearing into the back room. When he came back out he had a little noodle box which he added to the pastries.  
   
“There’s a raspberry Danish with no custard, a savoury bacon and cheese muffin, apple cinnamon crumble, and a box of lemon ginger teabags. Tell him to drink the tea before he tries to eat.” Chanyeol’s voice was filled with empathy and care and Yixing briefly wondered if they knew each other better than he realised. But he brushed it off and pulled out his wallet to Chanyeol’s staunch refusal. “No way. Just ask him to call me when he feels better. Please.”  
 

 

==

 

Yixing hurried along the street with his clutched prize. He was sure this was going to make Baekhyun feel better. He was curious to ask about the tall and gorgeous bakery wonder but he decided today was not the day. He arrived just in time to fill a mug of hot water and add one of the teabags before Baekhyun showed his clients out.  
   
Baekhyun’s eyes widened when he saw the white box with the pink label on the lid. “I went to the bakery.” Yixing beamed at his boss oblivious to his stunned reaction. “The baker there is really nice. He seemed really worried, he told me to tell you to drink this….” he plonked the mug of tea down on the desk, “and eat these and then call him when you felt better.” He opened the box to reveal the three different treats inside.  
   
“What did you tell him?” Baekhyun’s voice wavered but he took the mug of tea and inhaled. The citrus and ginger scent somehow did make him feel better. He took a tentative sip and sighed when it made its way to his stomach without the threat of coming back up. “Nothing Baek. Just that you weren’t feeling well.” Yixing laughed. “I’m not stupid enough to go blabbing your secret to strangers.” Strangers, Baekhyun thought, is that all we are?  
   
“Anyway..” Yixing said as he turned to walk out. “Doctors appointment in two days. I’ve scheduled it already. Please try to eat something.” And he walked out closing the door behind him leaving Baekhyun in peace.  
   
He sipped all the tea slowly and marvelled at how much better it did make him feel. He opened the box and took one sniff of the apple cinnamon crumble and wrinkled his nose. Definitely not. He broke off a piece of the muffin, chewed it slowly, before reaching quickly for the bin. He retched a little but to his relief the tea stayed down. Baekhyun mentally added cheese to the ever growing list of things that made him feel sick.  
   
Finally he picked up the Danish. The raspberry filling was both sweet and tart in his mouth, smooth and rich and tasty, the buttery pastry just the right combination of flaky and fatty. He was relieved to find that there was no custard in the Danish and he chewed the whole bite before quickly stuffing in another. And then another and another and soon the pastry was gone. With his belly full of tea and sweet raspberry Danish Baekhyun felt better than he had in ages.  
   
 

==

 

   
Chanyeol sighed sadly to himself as he closed the bakery up. He’d been hoping every day that Baekhyun would come in and him sending his secretary was disappointing. Chanyeol was sure it meant that Baekhyun didn’t want to see him. Maybe he was embarrassed, maybe he just didn’t like him, maybe he just needed a little more time. But Chanyeol was sick of waiting. He decided that if he didn’t come in after a few more days he would try calling him. Hopefully he would be feeling better by then. And he hoped feeling sick wasn’t just a made up excuse to avoid him.


	15. Fifteen

Baekhyun waddled into the dimly lit room with his bladder full to bursting and Jongdae holding his hand. Jongdae helped him onto the bench where Baekhyun lay with his eyes squinted in discomfort. A litre of water sounded like a lot and it was. But he had to follow the instructions or, his doctor had told him, the ultrasound wouldn’t work.  
   
The day before he’d turned up at his doctor’s office pale and sweaty and tired. His doctor had given him some sympathetic words, a urine test and a blood test, and a referral for the ultrasound with instructions to bring the results back the next day.  
   
He squeezed Jongdae’s hand gratefully. His friend had taken two days off work to be there for him. To take him to the ultrasound and take him back to the doctor the next day and to help him try and clean up his apartment a little. Baekhyun was going straight home from work every night and falling asleep almost immediately. He’d never been so tired before.  
   
“Hello Mr Byun.” The ultrasound technician said brightly as she walked in. “Are you the other father?” she asked to Jongdae’s chuckle. “No I’m the supportive best friend!” he said brightly and she smiled at him. “He should be here with you…” Jongdae hissed under his breath. “Shut up..” Baekhyun hissed back and shifted around on the bench. “Are you okay?” she asked to Baekhyun’s nod. “Yeah I was excited but now I just can’t wait to get it over with so I can pee. I’ve never drank a whole litre of water before.”  
   
She lifted his shirt up and tucked a little cloth into the waistband of his pants to protect them from the gel which was cold and clear on his thin flat stomach. As soon as she moved the wand across the clear gel an image, grainy and shadowy, lit up on the screen.  
   
“Everything looks fine Mr Byun. Here’s the baby’s head..” She pointed at a round lump on the screen, “and here is the heartbeat, and I can see only one so you aren’t having twins..” Baekhyun sighed with relief. The idea of having twins hadn’t even crossed his mind but it was a terrifying possibility that he had thankfully just avoided.  
   
“The placenta and the fluid all looks fine and normal.” She removed the wand and used the cloth to wipe his skinny belly clean before pressing a few buttons on the machine. “Here you go!” she handed him a few copies of the picture of his tiny baby and folded a report for the doctor inside an envelope. “I’ll see you back here in about four to five weeks for another scan.”  
   
Baekhyun paid his bill while Jongdae took photos of the pictures and sent them to Minseok. “Baek this is amazing! Look at his big fat head!” Baekhyun had to smile at that. The baby already looked like his daddy.  
   
   
The next day they sat in the doctor’s surgery waiting for the rundown. “Well Mr Byun this scan looks normal. Nice steady heart rate and the baby is measuring about 2cm which would put you at about six weeks pregnant. Does this sound right?” Baekhyun nodded as he thought back to the night of Kyungsoo and Jongin’s engagement party.  
   
“Everything looks normal and healthy with the baby.” The doctor smiled at Baekhyun as he read the ultrasound report. “How have you been feeling?” “Fine.” Baekhyun answered to Jongdae’s gasp. “That’s not true,” he said quickly. “He’s been feeling terrible and he can’t keep any food down. He’s tired and sleeps all the time as well.” The doctor looked at him sympathetically. “Morning sickness is normal and should fade out over the next four to six weeks. So is feeling tired. Just take it easy, eat as much as you can, sleep when you want to.”

The doctor looked over at Jongdae’s concerned expression. “I can see how much you care. You’re going to make an excellent father. Make sure you take good care of them both.” He winked at Jongdae whose face fell. “I’m not the father.” He said softly. “I’m the best friend.” The doctor cleared his throat a little awkwardly. “Well you’re an amazing friend then. Make sure he drinks plenty of water.”  
   
With an appointment booked for four weeks’ time Baekhyun and Jongdae left and got into Baekhyun’s car. They drove in a heavy silence all the way back to Baekhyun’s apartment where he proceeded to flop face first onto the soft couch and fall into a dreamless sleep. Jongdae busied himself with a load of washing and did Baekhyun’s dishes and emptied his fridge of all the slowly rotting food that he wasn’t able to eat. He filled the kettle ready for Baekhyun’s lemon and ginger tea when he woke up and sent Minseok a text to come by when he finished work with honey chicken and rice.  
   
Baekhyun woke up to the scent of citrus and ginger and drank the hot tea gratefully. Minseok had just arrived with the honey chicken and he managed to eat half of the takeaway container before Jongdae packed the rest into the fridge for later. “Go to bed.” He said to Baekhyun who laughed. “Go home. I’m fine.” He said to his friends. “But thank you. I couldn’t do this without you both.” His phone buzzed on the table but he ignored it as he walked his friends to the door.  
   
His phone buzzed again and Baekhyun closed the front door before locking it. He walked back over to the coffee table and picked it up as he wondered if it was Chanyeol finally trying to get in contact with him. Baekhyun knew he’d been right about Chanyeol. He’d obviously only wanted something casual and by the lack of contact he had got what he wanted that night. He hadn’t heard from him in six weeks.  
   
He sighed as he ignored the phone buzzing with notifications and buried his face in the pillow that permanently lived on his couch. The text notification buzzed again and again and finally he heard a ringtone that chilled him to the bone. He hadn’t changed it and the sound of that song meant only one thing. It wasn’t Chanyeol trying to call him at all. 

It was Sehun.


	16. Sixteen

The morning was cool and Baekhyun was glad to see that the warm summer weather hadn’t quite hit yet. His body felt warm all the time now, just another one of the changes he was dealing with, and he lay in bed with the window open watching the curtains blow in the breeze. He stretched his arm and legs and smiled to himself as he rubbed his bare and flat belly. It would be a while before he started to show and he felt like he was hiding the world’s best secret.

 

For the first time he thought about the baby, not just the pregnancy, but the child. His child. His son or daughter, their first steps, first day of school, graduation and growing up and living a life. Tears filled his eyes as a soft feeling flooded his brain. He curled up in a ball and clutched his pillow as he realised he loved his baby already and it wasn’t even born.  
   
“I’ll always love you, little bean…” he whispered as he wiped his face on his pillow and sat up in the bed.  
   
He sighed as his phone buzzed with another notification. It was Sehun again. He’d tried to call a few times last night and send a few texts asking to talk. It couldn’t have come at a worse time. He was already so confused about so much that he just couldn’t get his head straight. He turned his body and as soon as his feet hit the carpeted floor he was up and running and just made it in time. As he bent over the toilet bowl and retched his empty stomach even emptier he could hear the buzz in the background of his phone ringing. Baekhyun decided he was just going to ignore him. He would give up eventually and Baekhyun wasn’t in the mood to hear it no matter what it was.  
   
   
After he showered and dressed he poured hot water into the mug containing the lemon ginger teabag. The strong scent settled Baekhyun’s stomach and it growled for food. He searched his fridge and cupboards for anything that might resemble a raspberry Danish and tried some strawberry jam on toast. The texture made him gag and it went in the bin and Baekhyun went to his office with an empty stomach again.  
   
He made it through his appointments with the help of another mug of lemon ginger tea. It was already past lunch time when Yixing came into the office to check on him. “You seem a little better today. Have you eaten?” Baekhyun shook his head. “Baek, you have to eat, you’re going to lose all your strength. And you need it.” “I know…” Baekhyun sighed. “Could you do me a favour and go to the bakery? I could do with a few of those raspberry Danish.” Yixing nodded. “Anything. Just ask.”  
   
He was back in twenty minutes with a big white box and a big smile. “The owner wasn’t there today so I had to actually pay for these..” He opened the box and the smell of rich tart fruit wafted into Baekhyun’s nostrils immediately. “Oh God, thank you Yixing, take the money from my wallet…” Baekhyun said as he snatched the box and immediately crammed half a Danish into his mouth. “Whoa…” Yixing laughed at the sight of Baekhyun cramming the pastry into his mouth, crumbs spilling all over his expensive suit, his eyes closed in bliss as his empty stomach filled. “Lucky I grabbed a dozen. I bought all they had!”  
   
With two Danish in his belly and a big glass of cold sparking water Baekhyun felt renewed. His stomach behaved itself all through his afternoon appointments and finally it was time to close up for the day. He allowed himself to glance into the window of the bakery as he drove past but then he remembered Yixing saying he wasn’t there today. He wondered where the tall baker was. He wondered if he should tell him soon.  
   
Minseok was right. He should know. But Baekhyun was terrified. Terrified of rejection, terrified of ruining someone else’s life, of breezing in and turning it upside down after just one drunken night. He knew Chanyeol wasn’t looking for commitment and he didn’t know how he could spring the biggest commitment ever on him. As he stopped at a red light he rubbed his flat belly again and sighed. Four weeks until his next scan. By then it would be too late for Chanyeol to want him to have an abortion. He would know that the baby was healthy and developing well, he would hopefully be feeling a lot better, and he could present the news to Chanyeol in a much more positive light. He giggled a little as he imagined showing up at the bakery, sweaty hair stuck to his forehead, retching and gagging into a bucket. Not very appealing at all.  
   
He pulled up into his parking spot under his building and gathered up the box of leftover pastries. He planned on eating at least four for dinner and another two for breakfast tomorrow. He locked the car and tucked the box under one arm and walked out of the carpark to enter his building through the front door.  
   
“Baek!” a voice called out and Baekhyun stopped in shock. “Sehun. What are you doing here?” Baekhyun sighed when he saw the younger man running towards him. He wasn’t in the mood for a scene outside his building. All the heightened emotions from weeks and months before had faded into a tired acceptance and Baekhyun had bigger things on his mind. “I just wanted to see you. You wouldn’t take my calls….” Sehun trailed off as he stood in front of Baekhyun and reached out to stroke his hair. 

“Don’t.” Baekhyun backed away. He wasn’t ready for Sehun to show up and start confusing him like this. “Please Baekhyun. I was so stupid. I’ve come to say I’m sorry.” “Bit late now.” Baekhyun narrowed his eyes at his former fiancé and tried to pretend he didn’t look amazing. His usually dark hair was dyed orange and the beginnings of dark roots were just showing. He’d obviously done it for their ‘tour’. “Aren’t you supposed to be on tour?” Baekhyun asked and Sehun smiled. “I cut it short. I missed you,” he said as he tried to reach out again and Baekhyun moved away.

 

“Bullshit.” Baekhyun snapped. “You ran out of money didn’t you?” Sehun’s facial expression gave away the truth of what Baekhyun said. “I accept your apology Sehun but I’m really not in the mood for you to show up and start trying to get back together…” “Please Baekhyun. I know I fucked up big time…” “Understatement of the year Sehun…” Baekhyun clutched his box of pastries like a shield as he backed away and Sehun moved towards him again. “I’m sorry. Okay? I was stupid and I’m sorry. Can we at least talk? Why don’t you let me come up and we can have a glass of wine and talk about things.”  
   
Tears filled Baekhyun’s eyes. Tears of anger, tears of sadness and most of all, tears of relief. If it wasn’t for the tiny little life growing inside him he knew he would have weakened. He knew that if he didn’t have a reason to say no he would have given into Sehun, taken him upstairs, drank wine and fallen victim to his sweet words and soft touches. But he had something else now. Something inside him, a strength he could draw upon, something else that was more important than anything Sehun could conjure outside the building in the cool clear night.  
   
“Sehun, it’s over, for good.” Baekhyun smiled wanly and weakly at the face of his former love. “I’m pregnant.” He watched Sehun’s jaw slacken before setting strong and fierce. “Is it mine?” Baekhyun looked down at his flat stomach and smoothed his shirt. “No Sehun it’s not. Im only eight weeks pregnant. It’s definitely not yours.”  
   
He looked up to see Sehun’s face soften a little. “Baek, I don’t know what to say, who is he?” Baekhyun sighed. “Just some guy. He’s great I guess but I don’t really know him that well, and it’s all happened so quickly, shit I haven’t even told him yet.” Baekhyun sniffed and Sehun opened his arms and the shorter fell into them and let him soothe him gently. Sehun held him as Baekhyun tried not to cry as he let the tall man hold him against his much bigger body and he soaked up all the comfort he could. “Do you need anything?” Sehun asked awkwardly as they pulled apart and Baekhyun shook his head. “No. I’m fine. I have Minseok and Jongdae, they’re taking good care of us, and I’ll be okay.”  
   
Baekhyun wasn’t surprised when Sehun said goodbye and quickly walked away.


	17. Seventeen

Chanyeol was in an excellent mood. He’d been on the set all day with Kyungsoo making the sweet treats his friend would parade on TV for his captive audience never knowing that it was all Chanyeol’s gifted hands behind the scenes. He was happy that way. He didn’t need accolades or publicity and he couldn’t think of anything worse than being on TV. Kyungsoo pretended to bake the peanut butter filled chocolate cake and Chanyeol smiled as he saw how delicious it looked on camera.  
   
He wandered back over to the on set kitchen and checked the oven. A plain but light and fluffy vanilla sponge was rising gently and he looked at his watch. Five more minutes and it would be done. He sliced fresh raspberries and checked the glaze was cooling and soon it was time to turn the cake out onto a cooling tray. Steam rose up from the sponge when he turned it out and the smell he inhaled was sweet and delicious. He couldn’t help but think this was exactly the kind of thing Baekhyun would like. The vanilla and raspberry combination was one of his favourites. He wondered if he was feeling better and felt his pockets for his phone, swearing when he realised he’d left it home. He’d been so busy he hadn’t even noticed.  
   
When the cake was cool he glazed the top, letting the glaze run down the sides, giving it an aesthetic drip effect. He piled the top with sliced fresh raspberries and added a few mint leaves. He’d filled the middle with a thin layer of sweet lemon cream cheese. “That’s going to make me look good.” He heard Kyungsoo’s voice behind him and he laughed low and deep. “Good. I hope it does. As long as you keep paying me…” “You call him yet?” Kyungsoo asked and Chanyeol cringed. Kyungsoo wouldn’t quit. Every day he asked if he’d called Baekhyun and every day Chanyeol had an excuse. “He hasn’t been feeling well Kyungsoo. His secretary told me that.”  He sighed. “Plus he hasn’t been in at all since we, you know, and I think he’s avoiding me…”  
   
“The way you keep avoiding calling him?” Kyungsoo stared at Chanyeol in that way that made him feel like he was seeing inside his mind. Kyungsoo knew Chanyeol better than anyone, he knew his faults and flaws, his deep seated insecurities. He knew he had to push him. “He’s not avoiding you. Just call him. Today.”

His stare was fierce and Chanyeol knew he was right. He had to stop avoiding it. It was either call him or forget him. And he couldn’t forget him no matter how hard he tried. He’d tried to seem all cool, making big claims about wanting something casual, but Chanyeol couldn’t stop thinking about the beautiful man who’d briefly breezed in and out of his life so quickly. “He just seems out of my league a bit….” Chanyeol sighed. “He’s got his shit together so well Kyungsoo. I mean, besides that whole failed wedding thing, like his business and his apartment. He’s just such an adult and I make cakes for a living and still live with my parents….”  
   
“Chanyeol stop being a dick.” Kyungsoo scowled. “Your business is successful as well, and you work for me on this to show, and you live at home with your parents because you like it. Not because you have to. It’s different.” He laughed at the sulky look Chanyeol always made when he knew Kyungsoo was right. “You think I didn’t think the same things about Jongin when we met? Shit, Chanyeol, I met the number one model in the country and I wanted him. Do you know what I did?” Chanyeol laughed loudly. “I know what you did. You chased after him relentlessly.” Kyungsoo nodded. “Yep. I wanted him and I made sure he knew. And now look where we are.”  
   
Chanyeol smiled at the smug little smirk on his best friend’s face. “Damn it why are you always right?”  
   
He cleaned up while Kyungsoo filmed the segment and then the day was over. As they usually would, Chanyeol took a huge knife and began cutting the various sweets and desserts they’d used, handing around boxes for the crew to take the food home. When he cut the raspberry cake he took a huge chunk and put it in a box to take out to his car. “Going home to eat your feelings again?” Kyungsoo said snidely and Chanyeol blushed. “Maybe I’m hoping to go and share it with someone….” He ignored the gleaming smile Kyungsoo flashed at him. It was kind of creepy.  
   
It was late already so he didn’t bother calling in to the bakery or home. He drove straight to the building where he knew Baekhyun lived. It was in a nice neighbourhood and was one of the most recent builds in the area. Right across the road from a beautiful big park, it was unmistakable, with its gleaming glass frontage, and its tree lined visage. It was just the kind of place Chanyeol always imagined himself living one day. It was even close to the bakery.  
   
He drove around a little before finding a spot on the other side of the park. He locked his car and brushed some flour off his jeans before heading across the park with the cake box in his hands. He smiled and started walking faster when he saw Baekhyun. He looked tired, thinner than ever, and Chanyeol was filled with worry at the sight of Baekhyun’s deterioration. He stood in the shadow of a huge tree and watched him walk towards the buildings doors and was just about to walk across the road when he saw the other man. Tall and handsome, young and fit looking, he walked with a confidence that was almost an arrogance. Chanyeol had never met him, never even seen a picture, but the way he strode towards Baekhyun with a purpose told the story of who he was.  
   
The fiancé.  
   
Chanyeol watched them argue a little, he could see the hurt on Baekhyun’s face, and was just about to step towards them and ask if he was okay. It wasn’t his business but he didn’t like the way the man was making Baekhyun look so devastatingly sad. But just as he decided to intervene he saw the man’s face soften and his arms open wide and he watched on as Baekhyun fell into them with an expression of relief written all over his sad little face. He felt suddenly out of place, like he was spying on a private moment, and he clutched his cake box tight to his chest as he turned and walked back across the park to his car.  
   
No wonder Baekhyun hadn’t called him. It wasn’t Chanyeol’s place to judge but after everything he told him, after how hurt he had been, he couldn’t believe he’d taken his fiancé back. Chanyeol chuckled bitterly as he tossed the cake box on the passenger seat of his car as he drove away from the beautiful tree lined park. He’d been the one who’d assured Baekhyun they could have a casual thing without complicating it with feelings and commitments and he’d been the one to fall too hard. He eyed the cake box and decided he would definitely be eating his feelings tonight. And he tried not to think too hard about Baekhyun back in the arms of his fiancé.


	18. Eighteen

The last four weeks had been a battle. Baekhyun had not felt better and was existing on his meagre diet of honey chicken and raspberry danish. Some days he could only manage the chicken, some days the danish. Some days he ate well only to have it come straight back up. Some days he couldn’t get it down at all.

As he sat in the waiting room of the ultrasound lab he looked over at Minseok and smiled weakly. “It’s going to be fine.” Minseok read his mind and squeezed his hand tight. “I’m scared.” Baekhyun’s bladder was full to bursting again and his hands were shaking. He was sweaty, nauseous and frightened. Minseok just held his hand.

Finally it was time. “Mr Byun...” the technician called for him and he got up with Minseok’s help. “Hello again.” The technician led them to the room and Baekhyun lay on the bench and rolled his tshirt up.

Minseok eyed his thin flat stomach, his prominent ribs, the sickly pale tone of his skin. He was glad it was him and not Jongdae this time. Minseok was going to ask the doctor a lot more questions about Baekhyun’s condition and his health.

“Everything will be fine.” Minseok reiterated as he held tight to Baekhyun’s hand. 

Baekhyun hoped so. He just wanted to see his baby, its heart beating strong, its little arms and legs growing. He’d downloaded a pregnancy week by week app and it amused him to constantly check and remind himself how big the baby was, how developed, what should be happening. 

He couldn’t wait to get the all clear about the health of the baby. He felt hideous and the doctors last assertion that he would be feeling better by now turned out to be false. He was sure some days he was feeling worse.

The cold gel hit his skin and made him hiss and he held his breath as the wand traced his stomach.

Baekhyun only breathed again when the rapid swoosh sound of the baby’s heartbeat filled the room. His baby was alive and its heart was beating. The technician pointed out the baby’s heart and clicked a few buttons as she zoomed in on the baby’s neck. “By measuring the thickness of the skin here we can look for early signs of any abnormalities.” Baekhyun nodded. He had read all about what to expect.

“How does it look?” He asked nervously and she smiled. “The results need to be analysed in our lab but I’ve done hundreds of these and I can’t see anything that should make you worried.”

Baekhyun’s breath finally became slow and steady. He relaxed and enjoyed seeing his baby on the screen as the technician clicked a few more stills. She printed the results for the doctor and handed Baekhyun two pictures. “One for you and one for Daddy.” She smiled brightly as she ushered them from the room.

 

Baekhyun ran straight to the toilet to relive his bladder and burst into tears. His damn hormones were out of control and he stood in the cubicle for a lot longer than he should have.

“Get your shit together Byun,” he said aloud to himself as he washed his hands and splashed cold water on his face. He walked out to find Minseok staring at the pictures of his baby with tears in his eyes. “Getting clucky?” Baekhyun laughed and Minseok nodded. “A little. But your sorry state is enough to put anyone off.”

The next day they sat in the doctors office side by side. “Mr Byun. How have you been?” “Honestly? Not good. I know you said the morning sickness should ease off but I think it’s getting worse.” Baekhyun was having a particularly bad day and hadn’t kept anything down. “I’m sorry Mr Byun. Pregnancy is like this. It’s not an exact science and everyone is different.” Baekhyun sighed. He wondered if he would ever feel well again.

The Doctor opened his email and found the report. “Ah. Here it is. No indications of genetic defects or chromosome abnormalities. At this stage I can assure you your baby is healthy and everything looks normal.”

The smile that spread across Baekhyun’s face was bright and happy and he turned to Minseok who hugged him.

“I want you to have a blood test...” the doctor printed off a lab referral, “and here is a list of nutritional supplements. I can’t really help you any more than that Mr Byun.”

“Thank you Doctor.” Baekhyun and Minseok got up and walked out. 

“Yay! Oh Minseok, I’m so happy, my little bean is strong and healthy even if he is sucking the life out of me!” Baekhyun skipped around Minseok before hugging him again. “And just think! Only six more months of this to go.” “Seven,” Minseok as Baekhyun’s face fell. “No way. Pregnancy is nine months.” Minseok laughed as they walked to the car. “Baek pregnancy is forty weeks right?” Baekhyun nodded. It was according to the pregnancy app that had become his lifeline and his favourite thing. “Do the maths. Forty weeks is ten months. Seven to go.”

 

That night as Baekhyun stood side on in the mirror after the shower he gasped in surprise. Maybe it was just exaggerated by how thin the rest of him was but as he stood naked in front of the full length mirror he could see the slight bump under his bellybutton. He ran his hands over the pale skin and despite his nausea and his complete exhaustion he smiled happily.

“Hi little bean. I liked seeing you today.” His stomach growled and he grabbed a pair of loose sweat pants to pull on. He wandered out to the kitchen and filled the kettle for tea and opened the fridge. He grabbed at the white box that Yixing had picked up for him only yesterday and he cursed when he found it empty. 

Memories of getting up at 3am and shovelling the last two danish down into his ravenous stomach came flooding back. He sighed and tossed the empty box on the counter and stared at the cute flowery logo on the lid.

Surely someone as soft and sweet as Chanyeol couldn’t react too bad. He might be upset but hopefully not too angry. 

“Do you want to go see Daddy tomorrow?”  
Baekhyun murmured as he rubbed his stomach. He picked up the grainy picture from behind the fridge magnet and smiled softly at it. Chanyeol had to know. It was time to go and tell him.


	19. Twenty

“Hey Baekhyun,” Yixing looked around the doorframe and waved to his boss, “want me to go to the bakery for you this morning?” Baekhyun was sipping on a water bottle filled with ice and sparkling water and a lemon tea bag. He was having a bad morning and hadn’t eaten since lunchtime yesterday. “No thanks Yixing. I’m going to go myself today. Can you keep my schedule after lunch clear?”

“Of course.” Yixing turned to walk about but Baekhyun called him back. “Do you want to see the baby?” Yixing nodded enthusiastically and even teared up when he saw the picture. “I’m telling the father today.” Baekhyun smiled proudly before his stomach churned and he had to put the water bottle down. “It’s the bakery owner.”

“The guy from Sugar Baby?” Yixing gaped in shock. “Hang on, the owner right? Not the guy who works in there?” Baekhyun hadn’t seen another guy in there but he nodded. “Yeah, the owner, the tall guy with big ears.” “Oh thank God!” Yixing began to laugh. “The guy who works in there asked me out the other day and I said yes. How awkward would that have been?” Baekhyun laughed too and felt lighter. Sick but lighter and happier. It felt good to tell people and get it off his chest.

 

He powered through his morning meetings with a bright facade despite his lethargy and nausea. He took a few phone calls and when his day was done he packed up early. “See you tomorrow Yixing!” He called out cheerfully. “No you won’t! Tomorrow’s Saturday!” Yixing replied.

The bakery was walking distance but Baekhyun took his car. He felt too tired to even contemplate walking there and back again so he drove the few blocks and paid for metered parking. He checked his reflexion in the visor mirror and desperately wished he looked better. His hair was flat and greasy with sweat. His skin was pale, his cheeks gaunt, the circles under his eyes dark and made even worse by his sallow colourless skin.

“I thought pregnancy was supposed to make you glow...” he muttered to himself as he got out and locked his car. A wave of nausea hit him and he suddenly felt very dizzy. He held onto his car and steadied himself before opening the cafe door.

The little bell rang with its comforting tune and Baekhyun was overwhelmed with the warmth and sweet smell of the place. He could smell vanilla and chocolate, fruit and coffee, and it all combined into a rich aroma that made his stomach rumble. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply and when he opened them he saw a confused Chanyeol standing before him behind the counter. “Hi Baekhyun,” He said with a weak smile, “what can I get for you today?”

His slightly cold but polite words shook Baekhyun a little. He felt small and insecure standing in front of him, he looked a mess and felt even worse, and he was suddenly and terribly afraid. He was about to change Chanyeol’s life forever and all because of one stupid mistake. But the love Baekhyun felt for the tiny life inside him didn’t feel like a mistake and he summoned all his inner strength for his child.

“Hi Chanyeol. I, ah, I would have come earlier, you know, to see you...” Baekhyun’s stomach chose this moment to growl loudly and he flushed with embarrassment at the sound. He laughed a little bit Chanyeol just stared at him and he instantaneously wanted to back out. 

For a brief moment he considered running out of the cafe and never coming back. Chanyeol wasn’t interested in something serious, and nothing in his demeanour indicated he’d changed his mind, and shit was about to get real serious real quick.

 

Baekhyun’s hand went subconsciously to the hard bump barely noticeable under his bellybutton and he took a deep breath.

 

I love you little bean, and if your Daddy doesn’t accept you then I’ll make sure I’m enough, you’ll never go without anything.

I’ll love you enough for the both of us.

 

“Chanyeol, I was hoping we could talk, and that you had some of the raspberry danish with no custard.”

 

Chanyeol laughed a little as he opened the glass cabinet from the back. “They were a mistake without the custard, you know, and your secretary kept buying them so I kept making them like that.” Chanyeol pulled one out with a tiny pair of tongs and Baekhyun held up three fingers. Chanyeol plucked out two lore and handed the bag to Baekhyun. There was no plate, no offered tea to entice him to stay, none of the sweetness Baekhyun had come to expect.

“Can we talk?” He asked again and Chanyeol shrugged. “We are.”

Baekhyun frowned as he again debated running. Tears filled his eyes as he willed Chanyeol to come out from behind the counter. His head ached and his vision became blurry for a moment before it quickly cleared. He still held on to the counter for a little support as he felt dizzy again and weaker than before. 

“Chanyeol, I don’t really know how to say this...” “Look, Baekhyun, you don’t have to do this,” Chanyeol interrupted him. “I know you’re back with your fiancé. I saw you guys the other night.” Baekhyun was stunned. “What do you mean? And when?” “Outside your building. I was bringing you a slice of cake, I thought you were avoiding me so I was just going to turn up, and when I walked across the park I saw the two of you. I knew who he was. I saw you two hugging.”

 

Baekhyun’s face crumbled. His breathing became shallow and his head swam with dizziness. He felt like he was going to throw up and everything faded black and then back to reality.

“Chanyeol I’m not back with Sehun.” He pulled the ultrasound photo out of his pocket as he leaned on the counter and put it on the counter between them. “I’m pregnant Chanyeol. And it’s definitely yours. Twelve weeks, count back if you don’t believe me, and if you’d kept watching me with Sehun you would have seen him run a mile. I told him to get him out of my life for good and it worked.”

Chanyeol stood in silence as Baekhyun ran his hands though his sticky sweaty hair. He was desperate for Chanyeol’s reaction but everything was fading in and out of thick shadows and he gripped the counter again.

“I haven’t been feeling very well....” he smiled weakly as his eyes lost focus. “But the baby is fine. It’s fine and health Chanyeol...”

 

The last thing he saw was Chanyeol’s concerned face as everything went black.


	20. Twenty

Chanyeol was just about to close up for the day when the bell over the door rang. He wiped his hands with a cloth and walked out to find Baekhyun leaning on the counter looking like he might pass out. His eyes were closed and when he opened them he smiled and Chanyeol felt his heart skip. Chanyeol looked over him and wanted more than anything to smile back at the short man but then he remembered the fiancé and steeled his nerve.

 

“Hi Baekhyun,” he said with a weak smile, “what can I get for you today?” He watched Baekhyun’s eyes dart around the cafe nervously before losing focus for a brief second and Chanyeol was just about to ask him if he was okay. But then he remembered. Of course he wasn’t okay. He was back with him, the fiancé who left him at the altar, the man who did nothing but leech off him and destroy his confidence. No wonder he looked so tired.

 

“Hi Chanyeol. I, ah, I would have come earlier, you know, to see you...” Baekhyun’s stomach chose this moment to growl loudly and Chanyeol wondered if he was dieting again. Baekhyun had been open about his insecurities when he was with Sehun and how much effort he put into maintaining his slim physique. It made Chanyeol so angry, the thought of this beautiful perfect man suffering and depriving himself and starving, all to seem good enough for that asshole.

 

“Chanyeol, I was hoping we could talk, and that you had some of the raspberry danish with no custard.”

 

Chanyeol laughed a little as he opened the glass cabinet from the back. “They were a mistake without the custard, you know, and your secretary bought them all and kept buying them so I kept making them like that.” Chanyeol pulled one out with a tiny pair of tongs and Baekhyun held up three fingers. Chanyeol plucked out two more and handed the bag to Baekhyun. He didn’t want to try and keep him any longer. He didn’t want to try and get Baekhyun to stick around for tea and happy conversation when it just hurt too much. He couldn’t believe he’d just let it slip that he kept making the custard free danish hoping that one day it would be Baekhyun looking for them and not his secretary.

 

“Can we talk?” Baekhyun asked again and Chanyeol shrugged. “We are.” His stomach churned. The rejection was bad enough getting it second hand. He didn’t need to hear it from Baekhyun’s own mouth.

 

“Chanyeol, I don’t really know how to say this...” “Look, Baekhyun, you don’t have to do this,” Chanyeol interrupted him. “I know you’re back with your fiancé. I saw you guys the other night.” Baekhyun seemed surprised. “What do you mean? And when?” “Outside your building. I was bringing you a slice of cake, I thought you were avoiding me so I was just going to turn up, and when I walked across the park I saw the two of you. I knew who he was. I saw you two hugging.” Chanyeol had replayed the memory over and over. He couldn’t blame Sehun. Being in Baekhyun’s arms was pretty sweet. 

 

“Chanyeol I’m not back with Sehun.” He pulled the ultrasound photo out of his pocket as he leaned on the counter and put it on the counter between them. “I’m pregnant Chanyeol. And it’s definitely yours. Twelve weeks, count back if you don’t believe me, and if you’d kept watching me tell Sehun you would have seen him run a mile. I told him to get him out of my life for good and it worked.”

 

Chanyeol stared in shock. Pregnant? Baekhyun was pregnant and that’s why he’d been avoiding him? His eyes wandered over the grainy black and white picture on the counter and he was just about to pick it up before Baekhyun lost all the colour in his face.

 

“I haven’t been feeling very well....” he smiled weakly at Chanyeol as his eyes lost focus. “But the baby is fine. It’s fine and healthy Chanyeol...”

 

His eyes rolled back in his head as he sank to the ground. Chanyeol didn’t have time to think. He jumped over the counter and scooped Baekhyun into his arms. “Baekhyun... Baek...” he shook his shoulders gently but Baekhyun was out cold. He pulled his phone from his pocket and quickly dialed for an ambulance followed the instructions the dispatch officer gave him over the phone while he waited. 

Baekhyun was breathing so Chanyeol cradled his head while he waited for the sound of sirens. When two paramedics burst in the main door with a gurney Chanyeol finally felt able to breath.

“His name is Byun Baekhyun. He’s pregnant, 12 weeks, and he said he wasn’t feeling well. I don’t think he’s eaten and he seemed really out of it.” Chanyeol’s nervousness made words tumble out of his mouth. This was all happening too quickly and he wasn’t able to even comprehend what was happening. As the paramedics strapped Baekhyun to the gurney Chanyeol grabbed his phone and keys and wallet. On the way out he snatched the ultrasound photo from the counter and locked the door behind them.

“I can come too right?” He asked as they put Baekhyun in the ambulance outside. “Sure. Are you the father?” The paramedic asked and Chanyeol nodded as he climbed into the passenger seat. The ambulance began to move as the paramedic worked quickly and efficiently to monitor Baekhyun’s blood pressure and putting an oxygen mask on his face. “His address?” She asked as Chanyeol stared at Baekhyun’s tiny lifeless body on the gurney. “Ah, I don’t know...” he said. “Date of birth?” He didn’t know. “Does he have any allergies or known medical conditions?” Chanyeol’s heart sank as he had to shake his head again.

He didn’t know anything but it was all about to change. He pulled the picture out of his pocket and stared at the grainy image of his baby. 

He looked from the baby to Baekhyun and back to the baby. 

 

A baby....

 

A warm feeling of joy washed over Chanyeol as he stared at the picture. 12 weeks had gone by and Baekhyun hadn’t even told him. It all made sense now but it didn’t make Chanyeol feel any better. Was Baekhyun afraid to tell him? Was he worried, frightened, scared? Chanyeol knee Baekhyun would have been terrified but he still shouldn’t have had to go through the last few weeks alone.

He reached out and stroked Baekhyun’s sweaty hair back from his forehead and sighed as he clutched the picture tight. He didn’t know how Baekhyun felt about him or about any of this but he did know that he wasn’t going to let him go through any of it alone anymore.

“Everything will be fine Baekhyun,” he whispered quietly to the man on the gurney, “I promise it will all be fine..”


	21. Twenty One

Baekhyun blinked his eyes and tried to sit. His head hurt and it took him a few seconds to realise he wasn’t at home in his bed. He looked down and saw a hospital gown. He looked around and saw white walls and scratchy cotton blankets and a few machines beeping next to him. He then looked over and saw Chanyeol slumped asleep in an armchair in the corner.  
   
Then he remembered everything going black.  
   
He struggled to sit up and accidentally knocked an empty cup down off the bedside cupboard. As it crashed to the floor Chanyeol was shaken awake and sat up looking just as confused as Baekhyun.  
   
“What happened?” Baekhyun asked as he managed to pull himself upright. “You collapsed in the bakery Baekhyun. I had to call an ambulance. How do you feel?” “I don’t know….” Baekhyun looked around as Chanyeol eased his stiff and sore body out of the armchair. “I’ll get the nurse.”  
   
He came back in with a nurse behind him and she smiled at the man in the bed. “Mr Byun. It’s good to see you awake.” She checked the machines and made some notes on the chart. “The doctor will have to see you in the morning but you should be okay to go home tomorrow. You collapsed because your blood sugar was extremely low and you were also severely dehydrated.”  
   
“Is my baby okay?” he asked as his voice wavered and she nodded. “It should be fine. The doctor will probably book you an ultrasound to check and make sure and also reassure you. Now try and get some sleep.” She turned and walked out of the room and Baekhyun searched the bedside cupboard finding his phone. He pressed the button and was surprised to see it was 11:30pm “Chanyeol why are you here? You should be home…” he said as he tried to shift his body in the bed. Chanyeol’s face darkened instantly. “And leave you here alone?” he sighed heavily. “I know we don’t know each other very well but I thought you at least could tell that I’m a good guy.” He looked absolutely crestfallen and Baekhyun felt awful. “So, how mad are you, you know. About my baby?”  
   
Chanyeol’s hands went into his hair immediately. “Fuck…..” he groaned and Baekhyun winced. “Do we have to do this here tonight? Baekhyun….” He sighed and stood up, moving closer to Baekhyun, and settling on the bed next to him. “I’m not mad about the baby. And it’s not your baby it’s our baby. I mean, I always wanted kids, but I guess I just thought I’d get married and stuff first…” his eyes wandered as he lost focus on what he was thinking about, before turning back to Baekhyun. “I am mad though. That you hid this from me on purpose, that you’ve been so sick and didn’t ask for help, that you’d rather collapse in the middle of the bakery than let me be there for you.”  
   
“Fuck!” Chanyeol got up and kicked the armchair hard. “I told you Baekhyun. I’m a good guy and I know I don’t seem like it right now but I really am. And you hid this from me?” tears filled his eyes as he pulled the ultrasound picture out of his pocket. “I should have been there. I should always be there Baekhyun. I should be taking care of you and you need to let me.”

 

Suddenly very aware of his raised voice in the quiet midnight hospital Chanyeol sat back down. “Sorry. I just feel useless, I was so worried, you were passed out in the ambulance and I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t even give them your address or date of birth.”  
   
Baekhyun stared at the man seated on the end of his bed. He looked so tired and stressed, tears in his big brown eyes, his dark curls awry from his agitated hands.  
   
“This is exactly what I didn’t want Chanyeol.” Baekhyun’s voice wavered and he winced in pain when he tried to move. The IV in his arm that was dripping restorative fluids into his body was uncomfortable and he had a big bruise on the back of his hand. “I d-didn’t want to ruin your life Chanyeol. I know this was both our mistake but I wanted it….” He broke as he thought about the tiny life inside him that was making his life difficult but also filled him with joy for the future. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he began to sob as he released all the pent up emotion of the last eight weeks of his life. “I’m sorry but I didn’t want to get rid of it. I want my baby… And it’s my responsibility…..”  
   
He scrunched his eyes shut as he tried to wipe them on his hospital gown and he felt the surprising warmth of arms around him. “Baek… It’s my responsibility too.” Chanyeol’s voice was muffled by Baekhyun’s hair as he pulled the smaller man close to his body. “And I want the baby too. Our baby… You have to believe me.”  
   
A new feeling came over Baekhyun, one that he hadn’t felt in a long time, and it was strange and unsettling and warming. A feeling of comfort, of warmth, of relief. A feeling of being cared for and supported. A barely tangible thread of consciousness told Baekhyun he’d felt it once before and he realised it was the night he and Chanyeol slept together. Something about Chanyeol’s embrace made Baekhyun feel like everything was going to be okay.  
   
“I’m going to start taking care of you.” Chanyeol smiled through his tears and Baekhyun smiled back. “Starting tomorrow when we can get you out of here. And you’re going to let me.” He shifted away from Baekhyun a little and his smile faded. “Did you go alone? To the doctor’s appointments and stuff?” Baekhyun shook his head. “No I have wonderful supportive friends.” He suddenly felt sick as he realised his own fear and insecurity had robbed Chanyeol of what was his. It was his place by his side at the doctors appointments and the ultrasound appointments and he felt awful as he realised Minseok and Jongdae had been right all along.  
   
“I’m sorry Chanyeol. I won’t push you away any more. I’ll let you be as involved as you want to be.” He sighed and sank back onto the pillow as he dealt with the feeling of self loathing over his own sabotaging actions. He had already decided Chanyeol wouldn’t want this baby without even asking him. He should have known the gentle man with the sweet nature wouldn’t react like that.  
   
“I really do owe you an apology.” He turned red as he searched for the cup on the floor. He wanted some water from the jug next to the bed and Chanyeol jumped up and grabbed the cup and jug and poured it for him before handing over the cup. “So how bad is it? The morning sickness?” Chanyeol asked quietly as he sat back on the armchair. “Must be pretty bad to put you in here.” Baekhyun sipped the water slowly and smiled weakly. “It’s awful. I can’t eat anything besides those fucking raspberry Danish, they only stay down if I eat them in the middle of the night, and I’m practically living off those lemon ginger teabags you suggested.” Chanyeol smiled at that. He had been somewhat helpful even if it was by accident.  
   
“Please just do me this one thing. Don’t make any more assumptions. I won’t let you push me out and I will make sure you are taken care of.” Chanyeol sighed. “You just need to talk to me about what you want and what you need.”  
   
“I will….” Baekhyun felt tired and he laid back on the pillows. He looked over at Chanyeol and was about to tell him to go home when he realised he wouldn’t listen. He was better off letting him stay.  
   
And it felt good to not be alone.


	22. Twenty two

“Hyperemesis Gravidarium.”

 

The doctor checked Baekhyun’s charts and checked the almost empty IV bag. “Don’t let it get this bad again please.” 

Baekhyun was confused. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand...” he mumbled and looked over to Chanyeol who just shrugged.

“Hyperemesis Gravidarium is a medical condition causing extreme nausea in pregnancy. This isn’t just ‘morning sickness’ Mr Byun. You were severely dehydrated and you can’t afford to lose any more weight. How do you feel now?”

Baekhyun smiled. A solid sleep with fluids rehydrating his body had done wonders for his constitution. “I do feel a lot better. So is there anything that you can do? For my illness?” The Doctor shook his head. “Bland food. Find things that you can keep down and stick to them. Make sure you take as much fluid as you can. And if you feel dizzy again, if you have headaches, if you throw up more than three times in a day you need to come straight here. Okay?” 

The doctor looked over at a fuzzy haired Chanyeol still in the armchair. “Are you the father?” He asked and Chanyeol nodded. “Keep an eye on him. If he feels that bad again make sure you bring him in.” “I will,” Chanyeol said as he sat up a bit higher in the chair.

 

“Um, Doctor, is there a reason why this is happening to me?” The Doctor checked the IV bag again and disconnected it. “It’s a higher risk with a first pregnancy or multiple pregnancy, if there’s a family history, or if there’s a history of eating disorders. But sometimes it just happens. It should ease off after around week twenty but it might not. If it does it might come back. I’m sorry Mr Byun but I don’t have any more answers for you.”

 

The doctor wrote out his referral. “I’ve booked an ultrasound for this afternoon. It’s just a precaution Mr Byun. The risk to the baby isn’t nearly as great as the risk to your health.”

Baekhyun winced as the Doctor pulled his IV line out and held a cotton pad over it. “You’re free to go but please don’t let it get this bad again. Okay?” The Doctor looked from Baekhyun to Chanyeol and they both nodded before the doctor walked out.

 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol stared at each other. Neither knew what to say. They sat in their awkward silence for what felt like forever before finally Baekhyun spoke.

“So what do we do now?”

“I don’t know,” Chanyeol admitted. “What time is the ultrasound?” Baekhyun checked the slip of paper the Doctor left behind. “3pm.” It was 11am and Baekhyun couldn’t wait to get out of this hospital.

“Oh no! My car...” he groaned when he remembered paying for an hours parking. He knew he would have a fine by now. “Come on!” Chanyeol got up and held his hand out to assist Baekhyun to his feet. “What about the bakery?” Baekhyun suddenly remembered all the responsibilities he had Chanyeol skip out on. “It’s fine,” Chanyeol said, “Junmyeon can handle things when I’m not there. I’m out the back most of the time anyway.”

 

The cab ride was quiet. Baekhyun stared out the window and Chanyeol stared at Baekhyun. He was over feeling angry at the other man. It wasn’t going to do either of them any good and it wasn’t going to bring the last two months back. He could only move forward and try to do as much as he could to help.

 

They took the cab to the bakery so Baekhyun could retrieve his car. “Go home,” Baekhyun said, “I’m fine to drive home and I’m sure you want to have a shower and stuff....” Baekhyun walked over to his car and was surprised to find no parking fine. Chanyeol cleared his throat awkwardly. He did want a shower and some clean clothes. Baekhyun sighed as he grabbed Chanyeol’s hand. “Please, you cant watch over me 24/7 Chanyeol, go home.” He smiled up at the tall man’s conflicted face. “You can meet me at my apartment later and we can go to the ultrasound together. I promise.”

Baekhyun knew Chanyeol was reluctant to let him out of his sight and he breathed with relief when he saw the tall man relent. “Okay. I’ll come to your apartment at 2pm. Is that okay?” Chanyeol’s big eyes filled with the need for approval and Baekhyun nodded. “Yes. Text me when you get there and I’ll come down and get you.”

 

Baekhyun got into his car and pulled out onto the street and couldn’t help but watch Chanyeol in the rear vision mirror as he drove away. He didn’t know what they were to each other or how this was all going to work out but he did know one thing for sure.

He had a good feeling for the first time in weeks. 

 

 

Chanyeol waited until Baekhyun drove away before he walked into the bakery. “Whoa!” Junmyeon laughed as soon as he saw him. “Same clothes as yesterday. Did someone get lucky?” Chanyeol sighed as he leaned forward and put his head down on the counter. He still hadn’t fully processed yesterday. “Yeah twelve weeks ago and now I’m having a baby...” his voice was muffled and his employee stared at him in shock. 

“Excuse me what? I swear I just heard you say you were having a baby?” Junmyeon was just about to laugh when he realised Chanyeol was serious. “With who?” “The cute wedding planner....” Junmyeon nodded as he realised who Chanyeol was talking about.

“I just found out yesterday. He was scared to tell me and he’s sick. Really sick. He collapsed yesterday and I had to be with him at the hospital....” exhaustion and emotion suddenly overwhelmed Chanyeol and tears filled his eyes. “He collapsed ... it was terrifying ... I had no idea what to do....”

 

Luckily the bakery wasn’t very busy as it’s tall and handsome owner stood and cried silent tears down his cheeks. “Do you need anything? That I can do?” Junmyeon asked as he handed Chanyeol a stack of paper napkins. “I don’t know.... maybe get used to me not being around as much and let me know if I need to hire someone else. I’ll be in tomorrow as far as I know.”

 

Chanyeol grabbed a big white box and began to add things to it. Things that seemed light or tart, nothing too rich or creamy, no chocolate. When he had what he considered a fair selection he waved to Junmyeon and headed home for a shower and some clean clothes.

 

He was pleased to find the house empty when he arrived. He was excited to tell his parents but he needed a little time. And he needed a clearer picture of what they were, he and Baekhyun, and how this was all going to work.


	23. Twenty three

Chanyeol was beyond nervous. He shifted from one foot to the other as he waited outside for Baekhyun to come down. He’d showered and dressed neatly in fresh clothes and felt much better than he had a few hours ago. His eyes were still rimmed with dark circles but he couldn’t contain his excitement. He was about to meet his baby! He waited in the same spot he’d seen Baekhyun and Sehun hugging and he cursed himself for being so immature. He should have interrupted them that night but he coulnd’t turn back time. All he could do was move forward  
   
The glass doors to the building opened and Chanyeol smiled as he saw Baekhyun walk towards him. “Hi!” he said brightly as he held out the white box. “have you eaten yet?” Baekhyun shook his head and took the box. “I’ll put this upstairs. Do you want to come up?”  
   
Chanyeol followed Baekyun into the elevator and they rode it in silence for a little while. “Remember last time we were in here?” Chanyeol whispered with a mischevious glimmer in his eye and Baekhyun blushed. “Yes I remember.” The doors opened and Chanyeol followed Baekhyun into his apartment.  
   
It was even nicer than he remembered. He watched Baekhyun put the pastries down in the kitchen and he wandered over to the big windows that looked down onto the park below. He could see a brightly coloured playground and a covered play area and he turned to Baekhyun with a smile. “This is a great place to raise a child Baekhyun.” Baekhyun smiled back as he tried to gulp down the rest of his water. “Yeah. The spare room is over there if you want to have a look. That will be the baby’s room.”

 

Chanyeol opened the door and found a pretty standard dusty spare room. It had a build in closet and a nice big window, a single bed, and a pile of boxes. Chanyeol, for the first time, felt like this was something he could be useful at. “Can I help with this? I can paint and stuff…” he turned to Baekhyun with a hopeful expression and the other man immediately acquiesced. “Of course.”  
   
Baekhyun groaned as he swallowed the last of the water. He noticed Chanyeol’s curious expression. “I have to drink a whole litre before the ultrasound or it doesn’t work, apparently a full bladder pushes everthing into the right spots, its really annoying and kind of puts a dampener on my excitement.” His face drained of colour a little and his mouth filled with saliva and he was just about to retch but he kept it in. The look of panic on Chanyeol’s face was almost comical. “I’m fine…” Baekhyun brushed it off and grabbed his keys, “lets just go.”  
 

 

 

When they walked into the ultrasound room and Baekyun saw the look on the technician’s face he had to laugh to himself. This was the third time he’d been here and this was the third man he’d brought with him. He hopped up onto the bench and laid back, pulling his shirt up to his ribs, exposing the thin white skin of his stomach. Chanyeol frowned when he saw the soft skin sink beneath the bones of Baekhyun’s ribs. He looked even thinner than Chanyeol remembered. Baekhyun hissed a little at the cold gel and the technician moved the wand over his stomach.  
   
“Oh my God!” Chanyeol exclaimed loudly as he saw the fuzzy image flash up on the screen. “Baek it’s moving!” he almost fell off the chair as he leaned closer to see better and the technician smiled at his enthusiasm. She moved the wand around and suddenly stopped and checked the monitor. “Is everything okay?” Tears instantly filled Baekhyun’s eyes when he saw the look on her face. The swoosh of the heartbeat filled the room but it sounded different, irregular and strange, and Baekhyun instantly went into panic. Chanyeol noticed his mood drop and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tight, having no idea what was happening.  
   
“Mr Byun… I’m picking up two heartbeats,” she said gently as she moved the wand around again. “You’re fucking kidding?” Baekhyun went cold. “But this is the third time I’ve been in here.” “I’m sorry Mr Byun. This isn’t an exact science. I can only tell you what I see. It happens quite a lot actually, one twin might be slightly smaller and laying right behind the other, but I’m definitely picking up two heartbeats this time….” She moved the want again. “See, here is twin one…” she clicked on the monitor to save the image, “and over here is twin two…” she smiled gently at the two shocked men staring at her with open mouths.  
   
“I’ll do the health checks again and send another report through to your doctor Mr Byun but everything looks fine. Both heartbeats are strong and steady and there’s plenty of fluid surrounding them. Everything looks normal and they look fine and healthy.” Baekhyun stared at the screen and watched them moving around a little. One seemed lively and was waving its arms and legs. The other was less so, and Chanyeol leaned closer to the screen, before gasping loudly. “Is that one sucking its thumb?” he asked and the technician smiled. “Looks like it. They do that in the womb you know..” “I used to suck my thumb! Until I was nine! I mean four!” 

Chanyeol blushed, quickly realised he was yelling, then immediately burst into tears. Baekhyun squeezed tighter when he realised Chanyeol was still holding his hand. He squeezed his hand as the tall man sobbed then sniffed then managed to reign his emotions under control again. Baekhyun couldn’t blame him for falling apart a little. He felt like he would too but not here. He liked to fall apart in private.  
   
“Sorry…” Chanyeol released Baekhyun’s hand and used his shirt to wipe his face. “It’s just a lot, you know…” Baekhun nodded. He did know. He sat up and wiped the gel from his stomach and took the pictures handed to him. He handed half over to Chanyeol who was still sniffling as he stood up. “Gotta go, thanks so much…” Baekhun disappeared from the room and straight into the toilet to release his full bladder and Chanyeol went out to the reception area.  
   
Chanyeol gave Baekhyun’s name at the desk and the receptionist handed over the bill and when Chanyeol sneaked a peak at it he almost choked. Three hundred dollars for a twenty minute ultrasound? He was definitely paying for this one. He pulled his credit card out and had just handed it over when Baekhyun appeared next to him looking much more relaxed. “No way..” Baekhyun tried to stop him but Chanyeol just paid and they walked out side by side in stunned silence.  
   
“How are we going to have two babies?” Chaneyol asked when they got in the car. He looked down at Baekhun’s tiny body. His frame was small and he was looking more frail than ever and he was filled with worry for the next six months. “I don’t know Chanyeol but I don’t think we have a choice.” 

Baekhyun’s smile was weak but genuine as he drove back to his apartment.


	24. Twenty four

“Are you coming up?” Baekhyun asked as they got out at his building. “If I can?” Chanyeol said hopefully. “I want you to eat something and, I don’t know, I think we still need to talk. Can’t we just be together for a little while? Get to know each other better? Please?” Baekhyun nodded as he led the way intot he bulding again. He wanted that too.  
   
They sat on the couch, too much space between them, two mugs of steaming tea on the table. Chanyeol opened the big white box and took a knife and began to slice tiny morsels from the various treats inside.  
   
“Apricot pie..” he said and Baekhyun opened his mouth and let Chanyeol feed him the tiny piece of shortcrust pastry topped with fruit. He chewed it slowly and swallowed and smiled when it seemed to settle. “It’s good,” he said as his stomach growled loudly. “Good. You have to eat.” Chanyeol wouldn’t be happy until he got some nourishment into Baekhyun. “Mushroom tart?” Chanyeol picked up a small bite on a fork and as soon as Baekhyun smelled the filling he shook his head. 

“Raspberry vanilla sponge..” this was a recreation of the cake Chanyeol had intened on bringing to Baekhyun the night he saw him with Sehun and he felt validated when he watched Baekhyun eagerly devour the sweet treat. “You can’t live on sweets. The babies need real food….” Chanyeol picked up a tiny rolled pastry and held it out. “Spinach and ricotta roll…” Baekhyun took a bite and shrugged. Maybe, it wasn’t his favorite but it seemed to go down okay. Chanyeol picked up the fork and dug it into the the last thing he’d selected. “Chicken, leek and corn pie…” the salty smell filled Baekhyun’s nose and he opened his mouth eagerly. Chanyeol fed him the bite sized piece of creamy chicken filling surrounded by a rich golden pastry and Baekhyun hummed in delight as he chewed. It wasn’t sweet or salty but a combination of both. The filling was creamy but light and the vegetables were fresh and mild. It was heaven.  
   
Baekhyun reached into the box and grabbed the rest of the chicken pie and began to devour it. Crumbs sprayed out of his mouth as he quickly ate the pie and leaned into the box looking for another one but Chanyeol just shook his head. “I’ll bring you as many as you want tomorrow..” Baekhyun made do with the rest of the raspberry cake and the apricot pie and pshed the rest of the box away. “That’s the most I’ve eaten in weeks…” he admitted quietly and Chanyeol frowned. “I’ll come every night with dinner and make sure you eat Baekhyun. I’ll bake you whatever you want. Whatever they want…” he reached a hand out towards Baekhyun’s stomach but pulled it away when he realised what he was doing.

Something in his face made Baekhyun want to tell him it was okay. He already felt like his body was operating outside his control and it didn’t belong to him anymore. It belonged to the two tiny beings growing inside him. A part of Baekhyun, soothed by Chanyeol’s presence, ached for the physical comfort he’d experienced last time when Chanyeol’s hands were on his body. He was just about to reach out to him when he heard a loud crash of his front door being thrown open wide.  
   
“Byun Baekhyun you better be in here!” The loud voice of Jongdae’s yelling rang out through the small apartment and he was suddenly in the doorway. “You wouldn’t answer the phone so I went to your office and Yixing said you were in the hospital and I went there and they said you left….” Jongdae stopped in the doorway when he saw Chanyeol and Baekhyun on the couch.

“Oh thank all the Gods.” He smiled widely when he saw the tall man seated on the couch with the open bakery box in front of them. “I’m Jongdae, I assume you’re Chanyeol the baby daddy…” he reached out to shake Chanyeol’s hand and suddenly turned to Baekhyun. “He knows right?” Baekhyun laughed at his friend’s suddenly realisation he might have dropped him in it. “Yes Dae, he knows,” Chanyeol leaped out of his seat and knocked into the coffee table as he leaned over to shake Jongdae’s hand.  
   
“So…” Jongdae sat down on the armchair and eyed the two on the couch suspiciously, “what happened?” Chanyeol sighed. “Baekhyun was very sick, he has this thing called Harmeronius Gravaxium, and it made him pass out.” Jongdae looked over at Baekhyun who was stifling a giggle. “It’s called Hyperemesis Gravidarium and it’s basically just extreme morning sickness. There’s no cure besides eating what stays down, rest, and taking good care of myself.” “Or letting people take good care of you..” Chanyeol said and Jongdae couldn’t hide the smile on his face.  
   
“Oh yeah – two babies as well. Not one.” Baekhyun picked up the latest ultrasound picture from the table and held it out towards Jongdae staring at them with his mouth hanging open. “How are you two going to manage two babies?” he said and they both just shrugged. “We’ll just have to make it work!” 

 

Chanyeol’s smile was wide and bright as he picked up another picture from the table and stared at it. The longer he stared the more he crumbled and soon he had tears in his eyes again. “Chanyeol, you have to stop crying,” Baekhyun gently took the picture out of his hand and passed him a paper napkin from the table. “I can’t help it…” he sniffed a little and before he knew what was happening Baekhyun’s instinct drove his arm to Chanyeol’s shoulders. He rubbed his back and moved closer to him on the couch and Jongdae felt in his pocket for his car keys. He wasn’t needed here and it was an amazing feeling.  
   
“Ok, glad everything is okay, I’ve got to go and pick Minseok up. I’ll catch you later Baekhyun. Nice to meet you at last Chanyeol.” Jongdae smiled all the way out of the building and waited to get into his car before phoning Minseok. “Finally!” he screamed into the phone, “the baby daddy is on the job!”


	25. Twenty five

“What do we do now?” Chanyeol shifted on the couch awkwardly, “like what would you be doing if I wasn’t here?” “Watching Kyungsoo’s Kitchen!” Baekhyun laughed and his face lit up from within. Chanyeol felt drawn in like he was being hypnotised, he found the other man so incredibly beautiful, and when he laughed he just lit up with a pure joy that was inescapable. 

“So let’s do that. Go and change into comfy clothes and I’ll stay here with you until you fall asleep.” Baekhyun didn’t want to be a bother, he didn’t want to intrude on Chanyeol’s life, but he didn’t want to be alone. For some reason when Chanyeol was around he didn’t feel so sick, so exhausted, so absolutely restless. He felt calm in the other man’s presence, like his instinct was drawing them together, like somehow his body knew that Chanyeol was there to keep him safe.  
   
“Am I running plans you had for tonight?” Baekhyun had to ask but Chanyeol just laughed. “Plans? You obviously know nothing of the life of a baker. I’m in the bakery at 5am every morning. I get up at 4 except for on the weekends when I bake in advance and have a limited selection. Being a baker means quiet nights in front of the tv and early bedtimes to get up before the sun.” 

Baekhyun never went to bed before midnight, he didn’t open his office until 9am, and he wondered what it was like to get up in the dark every morning. “You must love it,” he said softly as he searched the box on the table for something else that would entice his tastebuds. “I do love it.” Chanyeol smiled proudly. “When I love something I fully commit to it. 100 percent. I don’t do things by halves Baekhyun and I hope you will see that over the next six months. And eighteen years.”  
   
He wanted to show Baekhyun how much he cared. He wanted to hug him and stroke his hair and make him feel warm and safe. But he settled for letting him pull his feet up onto his lap as they watched Kyungsoo ‘make’ an Earl Grey teacake. “Did you make that?” Baekhyun smiled up at Chanyeol who nodded and grinned. “Looks great. Maybe one day you could make me one?” Chanyeol stared at Baekhyun’s shining eyes sparkling dark in the lowered light of the living room. He would make him whatever he wanted.  
   
Soothed into a lull by the warm company and the full belly Baekhyun soon fell asleep. Chanyeol sighed in satisfaction when he felt Baekhyun’s body relax next to him and his breath fade into a slow steady rhythm. He allowed himself to reach out with a tentative finger and stroke a few stray strands of blond hair back from his forehead making the other man’s nose wrinkle in his sleep. 

He got up from the couch and opened the bedroom door, pulling the thick covers back, before returning to the couch and scooping the sleeping man up into his arms. He carried him slowly and gently, making sure to be careful, not wanting the moment to be over. When Baekhyun was in his arms it was like the world stopped turning just for a moment and nothing existed but the two of them and the warmth between their bodies. He didn’t want it to be over but soon he reached the bedroom where a night of reckless abandonment had made a path for them towards a future no one imagined. But it was beyond imagination now, it was their reality to deal with, and all Chanyeol could think about as he tucked Baekhyun into bed was how intense he felt about the other man.  
   
Was it instinct to protect the babies growing in his belly? Was it the pregnancy hormones making Baekhyun irresistible on a subconscious level? As he pulled the quilt up and made sure he was warm Chanyeol shook his head. He knew it was none of those things. He felt this way before he even knew about the babies. The universe had drawn them together for a reason.  
   
Chanyeol wanted to kiss his lips but he settled for a barely there peck on the forehead before retreating to the kitchen. He had to leave, he had to work in the morning, he needed to shower and change his clothes and he knew climbing into Baekhyun’s bed beside the sleeping man was an inappropriate intrusion. 

He briefly considered sleeping on the couch or even in the spare bed in the room that would be the nursery but against every instinct he had he decided to go home. He cleaned up the pastry mess from the living room and packed the leftover pastry into the bin. Everything Baekhyun enjoyed had already been eaten. He washed the few dishes in the sink and left a lemon ginger teabag out on the cupboard with a note that said “drink on the way to your office please.”  
   
When he couldn’t find anything else to do he left.  
   
 

==

 

He arrived home to find his mother and father seated on the couch in the huge living area of their house. Their home was so big and luxurious Chanyeol had never felt the need to leave and after seeing the sadness on his mother’s face when his sister moved out he couldn’t put her through that again. He decided it was now or never and walked in to sit with them.

 

“I have news,” he said as he cleared his throat awkwardly, “good news. Well I think so and I hope you will too.” He looked from one parent to the other before down at his hands. “I met this guy, and I really liked him, and we kind of went out once, but not really, I mean I got Kyungsoo to invite him to his engagement party, because I really liked him and he’d been through a lot, and I knew he probably wouldn’t say yes if I asked him out, and anyway one thing led to another, and we drank probably too much…” “Chanyeol, you’re rambling, slow down and say what you want to say.” His mother interrupted him and he took a deep breath. “”He’s pregnant. I’m going to be a dad. And I guess that makes you grandparents.”  
   
He waited for their reaction. He wasn’t afraid. Despite running one of the biggest companies in the country his parents had always been supportive of their children living their own lives the way they wanted to. His father never insisted he take on a role in the company, happy to let their son follow his dreams to bake beautiful cakes and delicious treats, happy to let their daughter leave the nest and wander across the world as travel reporter. But he knew the question his father would ask. He was prepared.  
   
“Does he know who we are?”  
   
Chanyeol shook his head. “No Dad, this isn’t’ about money, he has no idea. He isn’t some gold digger. He has his own apartment and a successful business and he has no idea we have money.” Chanyeol looked over to his mother who was dabbing at her eyes gently. “I’m going to have a little grandbaby? I’m going to be a Granny? Or even a Nanny or a Nanna? Or Grandma?” she sniffed and Chanyeol hugged her softly. “Two grandbabies Mum, twins…” he took the picture out of his pocket and frowned when he saw how crumbled it was getting from him carrying it around. “Two healthy babies. But Baekhyun was scared to tell me, and they’re making him really sick, so I’m going to try and be there for him as much as I can.”

 

“You’re a good man Chanyeol.” His Dad leaned over and squeezed his shoulder and smiled at his son who was tearing up again. “Make sure you do the right thing. Life doesn’t always lead us in a straight line but sometimes the twists and turns take us to more interesting and fulfilling places.”

“Can we meet him? Soon?” Chanyeol frowned a little at his mother’s request. He hoped so. “I’ll ask him when he’s free.” He mentally added it to the list of things he wanted to ask Chanyeol. Things he was afraid to bring up.  
   
 


	26. Twenty six

Baekhyun swallowed down the excess saliva forming as his stomach lurched. He sat patiently in the waiting area near the dressing rooms and took a deep breath. “What do you think?” Byul emerged from the tiny room swathed in layers of red lace. Ruffles and drapes covered every inch of her perfect body and the red highlighted her dyed red hair. It was a stunning clash of aesthetic that made Baekhyun smile.

 

“It’s perfect. But so were the last three.” He hadn’t meant to say that. But his patience was wearing thin and he needed to get home. She frowned at his response and he blushed furiously. “I’m sorry. That was unprofessional.” He stood and bowed furiously and Byul’s face warmed with compassion and understanding. “How many weeks now?” Baekhyun tried to shake his head but she just laughed a little at his reticence. “I can tell Mr Byun. I’m a naturopath and I see pregnant people all the time. Sometimes for herbal supplements, vitamins, nutritional advice. And Yong Sun is a midwife.” She sat next to him on the round ottoman and smiled softly. “I can almost feel how sick you are. Is someone taking care of you?”

 

Baekhyun hadn’t seen Chanyeol for a week. He knew Kyungsoo’s kitchen was filming and between that and the bakery Baekhyun hadn’t wanted to be a bother. The lemon ginger teabags and the daily deliveries of little white boxes that appeared at his office kept Baekhyun going somewhat. He hated the idea of how intrusive he had been into Chanyeol’s life. He didn’t want to be any more of a bother than he already was.

 

“Yes...” Baekhyun said softly when he realised Byul was waiting for an answer. His voice wavered slightly and his hands trembled and she sighed heavily. “Mr Byun. Now more than ever you need to be able to rely on your loved ones. Let them be there for you in the way I’m sure they want to be.”

 

Baekhyun wondered how she could read his mind. “I don’t want to be a burden on anyone though,” he said as he held down the foaming contents of his stomach threatening the back of his throat.

 

“You’re not a burden. You’re growing a human being inside you. Is there anything more deserving of someone’s time and attention?” She stared into Baekhyun’s eyes as he considered what she was saying carefully. “Are you not with the father?” She asked and Baekhyun felt suddenly uncomfortable. She sensed his shift in mood and it was her turn to blush. “I’m sorry Mr Byun. Yong Sun says I’m too nosy but I can’t help it. I was just trying to help.” She disappeared back into the change room and emerged a few minutes later carrying her red lace dress she had chosen.

 

She bowed and apologised again. “I just can’t help myself Mr Byun. I’m very sorry.” He smiled sadly at her and said it was fine but all he could think of was his life spiralling out of his control. What was it about pregnancy that made everyone, from close friends to compete strangers, feel like they had a right to have an opinion?

 

Two hours later he was almost dead on his feet. He parked his car and dragged his tired feet through the underground park and was just about to walk into the lobby when he knew he wouldn’t make it. He had never been more grateful for the tall potted plants near the door as he bent over and retched his empty stomach into the loamy potting mix. The smell made him feel worse and as he straightened up he frowned. Three times today. Had the doctor said to go to the hospital if he threw up three times or more than three times?

 

He decided to just go up to his apartment and crawl his sad body into his bed. “Good evening,” he called out weakly to Mr Im, the doorman on duty, and he got a wave back. “Mr Byun!” The doorman beckoned him over. “A man came to see you but when you weren’t home he left this with me for you.” Mr Im held out a big white box and tears filled Baekhyun’s eyes. He grabbed the box and turned towards the elevator before the elderly doorman could see him fall apart.

 

 

When the doors closed tears of exhaustion and disappointment streamed down Baekhyun’s face. He cracked the lid of the box open and the mouth watering smell filled his nostrils. They were still warm, Baekhyun noticed, and considering it was already 6pm Baekhyun knew Chanyeol must have stayed behind to make them after he closed the bakery. He lifted one carefully crafted pastry to his mouth and the sharp tasty tang of sundries tomatoes combined with mild creamy bocconcini filled his mouth. He shoved the whole pastry in his mouth and chewed with his cheeks puffed out and crumbs falling all over his shirt. Tears streamed down his face as he ate and cried in the elevator. He was a mess.

 

He wasn’t sure if it was just the hormones or the sheer tiredness he felt but he couldn’t stop crying as he wished Chanyeol had waited to give him the food in person. He didn’t want to bother him, he hated himself for turning Chanyeol’s life completely upside down, but at the core of his sadness was the yearning he felt to have the comforting company of the other man.

 

Chanyeol’s presence soothed and satiated him more than any pastry or ginger tea. His body and the babies inside craved more than food and water, it craved the warmth of a partner, his babies needed the safety and security of Chanyeol’s love to grow. But Baekhyun was stubborn and self sabotaging and his mind went over the daily texts from Chanyeol.

 

 

 

 

 

**_“Do you need anything?”_ **

****

**_“No I’m fine”_ **

 

 

 

“ ** _How do you feel this morning? Have you thrown up?”_**

 

**_“Only once. Stop worrying please.”_ **

 

 

 

“ ** _Did you eat any of the cakes I dropped off at lunchtime?”_**

****

**_“Yes, thank you, you didn’t have to”_ **

****

 

 

****

**_“Can we catch up soon? Please?”_ **

****

**_“Maybe on the weekend. Work is crazy,”_ **

 

 

 

 

 

Why did he do this? Why was he so insistent at pushing Chanyeol away? Baekhyun sniffed as he mentally promised himself to let his guard down a little. The part of him that always told him he wasn’t good enough, that he wasn’t worthy, had been drilling itself into his subconscious since he was fifteen years old. Telling him he wasn’t handsome enough or thin enough or funny enough or smart enough.

 

A light suddenly flickered in his brain as he remembered Sehun. No wonder he fell for him. Sehun always somehow validated Baekhyun’s inner monologue, he always had a way of making sure Baekhyun knew he wasn’t quite good enough, but he had to push past this inner sabotage for his babies. He had to set an example for them.

 

Baekhyun wiped his wet cheeks but that just made the tiny flecks of pastry stick even more to his soft skin. He was just cramming a tiny chicken pie into his mouth when the elevator doors opened to reveal a tired looking Chanyeol sprawled out in the corridor leaning on his door.

 

“Baek!” He said as his long limbs flailed in his haste to jump up. He’d dropped the box of treats off with the doorman earlier but he was tired of Baekhyun avoiding him and decided to come back to wait. Last time Baekhyun had been avoiding him Chanyeol should have pushed his way in. He wasn’t going to let it go again.

 

When he stood he almost laughed aloud. Baekhyun’s cheeks were puffed full of chicken pie and he had flakes of pastry on his face and shirt and even in his hair. But when he took a few steps towards him he realised Baekhyun had been crying and his face fell immediately.

 

“What’s wrong?” He asked softly as he opened his arms and Baekhyun fell against his chest. The box of pies hung in one hand as the other wrapped around Chanyeol’s back and Chanyeol wrapped Baekhyun tightly in his strong arms and he just held him while Baekhyun cried.

 

“How did you know I needed you?” Baekhyun sniffled as tears and pastry pooled on the front of Chanyeol’s nice black tshirt.

 

“I just did,” Chanyeol said as he broke their embrace, “let’s get you inside? Okay?”

 


	27. Twenty seven

 

As the apartment doors closed behind them Baekhyun broke down again. Chanyeol just opened his arms to the sobbing man and pulled him close. The warmth of Chanyeol’s chest was soothing and he was comforted by the beating of the other man’s heart. “I’m so sorry, I think it’s just the hormones, I’m a mess….” Baekhyun felt suddenly embarrassed at his overall appearance. His eyes were surely red and puffy, along with his cheeks, and now Chanyeol’s tshirt was covered with a damp mix of Baekhyun’s tears, nose drip and pastry flakes. He tried to pull out of Chanyeol’s strong embrace but the tall man wasn’t having it. “Baek. Just give in. Let me hug you.”

 

Baekhyun gave in. He let his tears fall until he realised he was done. Somewhere along the line Chanyeol had begun stroking his hair and as he rocked softly from side to side Baekhyun stopped crying. “Feel better?” Chanyeol asked as he smiled sweetly down at Baekhyun and he had to nod. He did feel better. Chanyeol was some kind of magician, Baekhyun was convinced of that now, even just his presence was soothing.

 

“Come sit,” Chanyeol dragged Baekhyun over to the couch and when he sat this time there was no wide space between them. Chanyeol was a smart man and he knew Baekhyun was just going to push him away unless he stopped him. Unless he pushed his way in. So when Baekhyun sat Chanyeol sat right beside him and put an arm around his shoulder. Baekhyun closed his eyes and laid back against Chanyeol’s body and felt all the stress and exhaustion of the day begin to slip from his body.

 

“Have you been eating the lunches I sent? Every day?” Baekhyun nodded in his almost catatonic daze. “Your food is the only thing keeping me going right now.” Chanyeol looked around at the apartment. It wasn’t too untidy but he could tell that it wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. The sink was filled with coffee mugs needing to be washed and the pile of empty boxes next to the recycling bin was getting tall. “Baek,” Chanyeol said and waited for Baekhyun to open his eyes and look at him. “Can you please stop shutting me out? I want to come here and take care of you every day. It’s all I can think about at night when I’m home alone, what you’re doing, if you’re okay or suffering, what could be done to help you. It’s driving me crazy.” Baekhyun sniffed as he pulled away again. “I’ve ruined your life Chanyeol. Things will never be the same for you and it’s all my fault. I don’t want to be a burden.”

 

For the second time in front of Baekhyun Chanyeol lost it. “Ruined my life? Baekhyun what are you saying? This could possibly be the best thing that ever happened to me but you won’t give it a chance to be the way it could be. And stop blaming yourself. It was both of us, we were both there, we were both drunk, we both did it Baekhyun.” He stood up and began to pace, hands in his thick dark hair, tears threatening to spill. “You’re not a burden. My children aren’t a burden. I want to be here. Shit.” Chanyeol stopped pacing and dropped to the floor in front of where Baekhyun was sitting. His hands went to Baekhyun’s cheeks and he stroked them softly as he stared into the miasma of tears and deep dark irises as he tried to make Baekhyun believe what he was saying.

 

“I’m scared Baekhyun. Not of any of this. The babies, a different life, any of it. What scares me is that I want to be here and I want to be with you, and not just because of them, Baekhyun even before I knew I couldn’t stop thinking about you. But you have to give me a chance. Please? I didn’t even get a shot at a second date. Or even a first one really.”

 

Chanyeol’s head dropped onto Baekhyun’s lap as he wrapped his arms around the other man’s waist. He felt so thin Chanyeol thought he might crush him if he held on too tight but he wanted to never let go. He snuggled his head further into Baekhyun’s lap and moved his face right up against Baekhyun’s thin stomach. He reached up with a hand and did what he had wanted to do the other day, before indecision and interruption stopped him. He let his huge hand rest softly on Baekhyun’s stomach as he stroked it softly with his thumb. “Can you please just give me a chance?” his voice was barely a whisper as he made little circles on Baekhyun’s flat stomach with his hand. The silence was heavy in his ears and he was too scared to look up. If this was his last chance he never wanted it to end. It just felt so right, to hold Baekhyun in his arms, to let his love flow through his embrace.

 

 

Baekhyun sat stunned in silence. With Chanyeol sprawled across his lap everything seemed to fall into place. As much as he wanted to fight it, as much as his insecurities screamed at him to push Chanyeol away, something else inside wanted this desperately. His body craved the warm embrace of the tall man, and when he put his hands on Baekhyun’s stomach his heart filled with tingles of joy and excitement. He couldn’t deny it. All the things Chanyeol had described, being together, being cared for and loved and treasured, he wanted all those things. He wanted them and he needed them and he was faced with the realisation that he couldn’t do this alone and he didn’t’ have to.

 

“Okay,” his tiny voice wavered with emotion as he ran a hand through Chanyeol’s mop of thick dark hair. He wondered if his babies would be born blessed with their Dad’s abundant locks or if they would come out bald and eventually grow a thin sparse crop of hair like his own. When he looked down Chanyeol was looking up at him, his teary eyes brimming full of tears and hope, joy and fear, and Baekhyun found himself drowning in their sincerity for just a second. He could feel it. Chanyeol really cared about him.

 

Before he knew what was happening Chanyeol was on his knees, his hands in his hair, his lips coming closer. Baekhyun inhaled sharply just in time to fill his body with oxygen before Chanyeol leaned down even closer. He closed his eyes in anticipation but swiftly opened them when instead of a soft kiss he felt Chanyeol’s thumb on his lips. “You still had crumbs,” Chanyeol whispered as he swiped chunks of pastry from Baekhyun’s cracked and chapped lips. “That’s better,” his voice was soft and when his lips pressed gently against Baekhyun’s he felt warmth and fire spread through his chest.

 

 

It felt wonderful, even better than he remembered, and he gave himself completely over to the kiss. It felt like it went forever and yet it was over too quickly and when they finally pulled apart both were breathless. Baekhyun’s cheeks were tinted the same rosy hue as his lips and his red rimmed eyes. “No more tears. Okay?” Chanyeol smiled softly at him and he smiled back.


	28. Chapter 28

 

Baekhyun didn’t know why he felt so nervous. He smoothed down his shirt and pants and fixed his hair a little before pushing the door to Sugar Baby open. The ring of the little bell made him smile subconsciously and so did the sight of Chanyeol wiping down the counter dressed in one of Baekhyun’s tshirts.

 

“You look good in my shirt!” Baekhyun grinned as he leaned on the clean counter and Chanyeol laughed loudly. “Are you flirting with me Baekhyun?” His eyes sparkled with mirth as he pulled the shirt down a little at the front. “Too tight is fine, too short isn’t so good...” he finished up wiping over the already gleaming surfaces of his bakery before walking out with his keys and wallet in hand. “Let’s go!” he said and before Baekhyun knew what was happening their hands were entwined as they walked towards Baekhyun’s car.

 

“What about yours?” He asked as they got in and Chanyeol just waved it off. “It’s parked in the alley behind the bakery. I’ll get it later. Where do you like to shop?” Baekhyun shrugged. He had always hated food shopping. He always had. But he somehow felt much lighter and less anxious after spilling his secrets to Chanyeol in the early hours of the morning. And Chanyeol had a way of making the most mundane into something fun.

 

He drove according to Chanyeol’s directions and ended up in a big open air fresh produce market. They parked and got out of the car and Chanyeol quickly reached for Baekhyun’s hand again as they walked into the market still busy despite the late hour.

 

“We’ll get a trolley from over there and we can walk around and pick out things you might like. I’ll work out what to do with it later!” Chanyeol looked so happy as he went over to a whole pile of shopping trolleys jammed together and began trying to extract one. Baekhyun felt himself laughing as Chanyeol swore and finally pulled one free.

 

“Ready?” He smiled brightly and Baekhyun smiled back.

 

They wandered the wide pathways and aisles of the fresh food stalls. “Cheese....” Chanyeol pulled Baekhyun over to a big stall where a woman held a white plate. “Would you like to try some Brie?” She smiled and Baekhyun nodded but Chanyeol quickly interrupted. “No!” He blushed when Baekhyun turned towards him in curiosity. “Soft cheese isn’t safe when you’re pregnant. Only cooked, like on a pizza or something, but if you want Brie I can make it into something for you.” Chanyeol stammered quickly over his words as he blushed profusely. “Sorry,” he bowed to the lady behind the stall, “But no soft cheese.”

 

“I didn’t know that,” Baekhyun whispered as the cheese lady wrapped a nice sized chunk of hard and crumbly tasty cheddar. “Lucky you’ve got me then!” Chanyeol winked as he handed over his credit card.

 

“What else can’t I eat?” Baekhyun murmured as he pushed the cart through a big aisle filled with fruits and vegetables. “Raw fish, deli meats, hotdogs....” Chanyeol rummaged in his pocket for his phone before finding it and opening an app. “Sprouts and canned fish....” he began reading and Baekhyun had to smile. “I have that app. But I didn’t know about the food stuff.” “It’s in this section, the health section.” Chanyeol pointed it out and Baekhyun smiled sheepishly. “Ah, see, I only look at the section about the baby’s growth and development.”

 

Chanyeol sighed and right there, in the middle of the fresh fruit section, he pulled Baekhyun into a tight hug. “Baek, you’re going to be an amazing parent, I can tell because of how much you already love our babies.” He pulled back to stare Baekhyun in the eye as he let his hands rest on the smaller man’s shoulders. “But you need to love yourself as well. You need to be strong and healthy for them and for you. And me,” he pulled him close again and Baekhyun felt tears in his eyes and sniffed a little.

 

“Fucking hormones,” he whispered as he pulled away and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “What fruits do you like?” Chanyeol asked to distract him and Baekhyun made a face. “None,” he said but Chanyeol forged ahead with the cart and started adding fresh melons and pineapple and passionfruit to the cart. “Do you like sorbet? I could make you some watermelon strawberry sorbet with some....” Baekhyun watched Chanyeol vanish before returning with a big bunch of fresh mint. “Smell this!” He shoved it under Baekhyun’s nose and the shorter man enjoyed the smell and nodded.

 

By the time they’d filled the cart with various cuts of different meats and other things Chanyeol had decided were necessary they reached the supermarket at the back. “Do we need to go in there?” Baekhyun was getting tired quickly and the now familiar feeling of saliva filling his mouth was making him feel nauseous. “It will be quick.” Chanyeol promised. “You don’t have any basics like flour or stock powder.”

 

 

 

Chanyeol led Baekhyun around and got the few things he needed. When they made their way to the baby aisle Chanyeol began adding baby wipes and soaps and a big box of nappies to their cart. “Really?” Baekhyun couldn’t hide his smile but Chanyeol was serious. “We are going to need so much of this stuff Baek. May as well start stocking up now.” When they reached the checkout Baekhyun pulled his wallet out but Chanyeol refused. “I haven’t paid for a single thing Chanyeol,” he protested but Chanyeol didn’t care. “Baek I told you I’d take care of them and you. Just let me do what i can do.”

 

Chanyeol could read Baekhyun like a book. “Let me drive,” he said softly as he opened the passenger side of Baekhyun’s car. He waited for the stubborn little man to argue with him but to his surprise and delight he didn’t. He just climbed into the seat and leaned back while Chanyeol packed the boot of the car with their shopping bags.

 

“Ah, I need to ask you a favour, a really big one,” Chanyeol said as he drive towards Baekhyun’s apartment. He shifted awkwardly as he checked Baekhyun’s expression in his peripheral vision. “I really want you to meet my parents. They’re so happy about being grandparents and they keep asking me when they can meet you.”

 

Chanyeol expected Baekhyun to make up an excuse but to his surprise he just got a smile. “I think I’d like that,” he said as he stared out the window and Chanyeol smiled too.

 

 

“You lay here...” Chanyeol dragged Baekhyun over to the couch and put the tv on. He grabbed a pillow for his head and on a whim leaned down and kissed it before disappearing into the kitchen to make a better version of the soup Baekhyun liked.

 

When he was done he found Baekhyun bleary eyed from his quick nap. He put the hot bowl of soup down onto the low coffee table but Baekhyun didn’t want the soup. He craved for something else, something just as warm and comforting, and pulled on Chanyeol’s arm.

 

“Did you mean it? Really? About how you liked me before you even knew about the babies?” Chanyeol sat next to him and was surprised when Baekhyun snuggled into his body. “Of course! What’s not to like? I liked you from the beginning. Before Sehun left you, before I even knew he existed, and that day when you came into the bakery and you looked so sad....”

 

Chanyeol went silent for a little while before continuing.

 

“It was my idea to invite you to the engagement party. I really really wanted to ask you out but I knew you wouldn’t say yes. So I got Kyungsoo to invite you. So this whole thing is kind of my fault in the first place....”

 

Baekhyun sat up and looked at Chanyeol. The shock on his face was almost comical as he wondered if Chanyeol was telling the truth. “Didn’t you wonder why you were seated next to me at the main table with the wedding party?” Chanyeol’s ears were red as he chuckled a little and Baekhyun did too. “Well at the time I kind of did...”

 

He leaned over and picked up the bowl of soup and closed his eyes when the heavenly taste hit his tongue. It was light and gentle on his stomach and he could almost feel the nourishment filling his body with each sip.

 

“Can you stay again tonight?” He asked and Chanyeol frowned. “I want to, but I can’t wear these clothes again, my car is behind the bakery...” Baekhyun put the bowl down and cling to Chanyeol’s body. “I’ll take you to get your car. Please? You can go home and get some stuff and come back. I don’t want to be alone...”

 

Now his walls were finally broken down Baekhyun was addicted. He was addicted to Chanyeol’s careful consideration, his infectious joy, totally addicted to feeling full and well and happy.

 

“Okay Baek.” Chanyeol’s hands were in Baekhyun’s hair and he lovingly stroked the fine locks gently. “But...” Baekhyun said as he pulled away and stared into Chanyeol’s eyes, “don’t sleep in the spare room tonight. I don’t want to sleep alone...”

 

Chanyeol nodded. He would do anything for Baekhyun. Anything he could to make him happy.

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

 

 

This was Baekhyun's new normal.

 

He opened his eyes and grabbed his phone. 4:30am. Same time every night. Or morning. He sighed and got up and walked into his bathroom. He was careful not to slip on the wet floor from Chanyeol's shower but he hurried to the toilet and emptied his stomach as he knelt in the little puddles left behind. When Chanyeol showered water went everywhere.

 

Baekhyun rinsed his mouth and wandered back to his bed. He could tell by the time and the silence that Chanyeol had already left for the bakery but when he saw the mug of lemon ginger tea and the raspberry danish next to the bed he knew he hadn't missed him by much.

 

He couldn't help but smile as he stuffed his face with the danish. He tried his best to keep crumbs out of the bed but itchy sheets were just another part of his new normal and he didn't really care.

 

After he ate he drank his tea, now lukewarm but still reviving, and lay on his side. He'd just passed seventeen weeks and his newly protruding stomach made him smile as he lifted his pyjama top and gave it a little rub. Weeks of Chanyeol's quiet and constant care had made the dark circles disappear from Baekhyun's eyes and the strain disappear from his face. His ribs still stuck out and his cheeks were still gaunt but he no longer looked or felt like he was dying.

 

Sometimes when he woke he would eat and go back to sleep. Sometimes he would get up and watch tv. Most of the time he was content to lay in the dim light of predawn and rub the expanding skin of his stomach. He would drift in and out of a light sleep wondering if his babies were boys or girls, or one of each, if they'd be strong and robust like their father or small and frail like him. He wondered if they would be funny or talented, studious or sporty, kind or smart or sly or neat or messy.

 

Most of the time his mind wandered to Chanyeol. The tall and sweet angel who saved his life in more ways than he understood. Baekhyun cringed a little when he thought of what he'd dragged him into. The man was endlessly patient with him, caring to a fault, and seemed oblivious to the fact that Baekhyun was ruining his life. Chanyeol seemed convinced there was nothing wrong with his own new normal where he had no time for anything but his business and caring for Baekhyun. Baekhyun wondered how long it would last.

 

Chanyeol would get bored with him soon. It wasn't so much the early nights in front of the tv that worried Baekhyun. He craved Chanyeol's touch and they were sleeping in the same bed but he couldn't bring himself to initiate anything more than a chaste kiss on the lips. He was constantly paranoid, worried about the swell of his stomach and the new roundness of his hips, the lingering taste of bile in his mouth. He wanted to feel Chanyeol's big warm hands on his skin, he daydreamed about soft lips on his neck and shoulders, he wanted to snuggle his body into the safety and comfort of the big man who spent his nights beside him sleeping fully clothed. But he felt gross and disgusting and he just couldn’t talk himself out of believing that Chanyeol did too.

 

He wanted Chanyeol to want him but he just couldn't bring himself to ask. With his words, with his eyes, with his body. He just couldn't bear any sort of rejection. He couldn't ruin things when he needed what they had so much. And he just didn't know how to ask for even more from the man who was already giving him everything he ever wanted.

 

 

 

==

 

 

 

Chanyeol worked busily in the back room of the bakery to get ready for the morning influx of staunchly loyal customers looking for breakfast or some morning tea to impress their workmates. He was lost in his own world as he made tray after tray of simple but delicious pastries and muffins and tarts.

 

When it hit 7am he washed his hands and made a cup of tea. Every morning he would sit down and enjoy a little peace before the doors opened and Junmyeon arrived and customers began their noisy ascent into the richly vanilla scented room. He pulled a chair up by the window and circled the spoon in the black tea, English Breakfast of course, and when it darkened sufficiently he added half a spoon of sugar and a little milk. He left the teabag in to drip tea down its string stuck to the side of the mug as it cooled and he stared out the window.

 

He imagined the bell ringing and instead of customers it was the sound of little feet filling the cafe. He imagined them running towards him in those chunky shoes he always saw toddlers wearing, the girl with bouncing dark curls up in two ribboned ponytails, the boy with a matching thick crop of dark shining hair.

 

In his little daydream they ran across the cafe towards him and he would grab them both in his strong arms. He would whirl them around until the boy begged him to stop but the little girl would just scream to go faster. As they laughed off their dizziness Chanyeol would fetch little cartons of milk from the back and put a plate in front of them. He could see the chastisement in Baekhyun's soft gaze but he wouldn't say no as the little hands grabbed at sweet vanilla cupcakes with icing in every colour of the rainbow.

 

It made Chanyeol smile to imagine what his life was going to be. He was smitten with the life he could look forward to. And the only thing missing from his indulgent musings was Baekhyun smiling at him with love in his eyes.

 

Chanyeol was absolutely enamoured with the small man, more so every day, the more time they spent together the more Chanyeol felt himself falling in love. He was just besotted with everything about Baekhyun. His cute giggle, his deep dark eyes that crinkled when he smiled, the way he rubbed at his nose when he was tired until it glowed pink and Chanyeol dragged him to bed.

 

And it was slowly sapping every ounce of his self control to climb between the sheets with his tshirt and shorts on and lay next to him without putting his hands all over Baekhyun's beautiful pale skin. Every night he hungered for more than a gentle kiss goodnight. Baekhyun tried to hide his body under loose tshirts and thick sweaters but whenever Chanyeol caught a glimpse of the newly rounded shape of Baekhyun's body it stirred feelings inside him that he struggled to ignore.

 

He wanted nothing more than to tear down the barriers between them. He wanted to feel the heat of their bare skin and more than anything he wanted to let his hands caress and wander across the ever expanding curves of Baekhyun's soft body. But Baekhyun's reluctance was palpable whenever they laid beside each other. He was fragile and Chanyeol knew this. He knew now why Baekhyun was insecure, the history of his painful past, the slow steps he was taking towards a healthier future. He wouldn't dare risk shattering him by doing anything he didn't want to do. Chanyeol was a patient man.

 

He pulled his phone out as he sipped the tea and cleared his mind from his musings. He opened the pregnancy app he was spending a lot of time on and typed a question into the search box.

 

"Is sex safe during pregnancy?"

 

He quickly read through the answers as he drank down the rest of the tea. He was torn between knowing what Baekhyun would want. Should he tell him how he was feeling or try to show him? He settled on maybe trying a bit of both. He was determined not to hurt Baekhyun but he couldn't push his feelings aside any longer. It was time to step it up and make sure Baekhyun knew how he felt.


	30. Chapter 30

 

 

 

Baekhyun was having a bad day.

 

Chanyeol had been weird the night before, acting nervous and distracted, and it was making Baekhyun nervous. He had always had a feeling deep down that this would only be temporary. Things were too good to be true. He lost count of how many times he thought Chanyeol was going say something last night but didn't and when they got into bed for a brief moment Baekhyun thought Chanyeol was going to put his arms around him. But it didn't happen and as he drifted off to sleep he wondered how much of the night was real and how much had occurred in his imagination. Was Chanyeol really trying to scoot a little closer to him in the bed or was it just a figment of Baekhyun's sad imagination?

 

He'd woken alone at 4am and found a stack of fresh pancakes next to his bedside lamp. They were still warm and dotted with little flecks of berries. Chanyeol knew the texture of the fruit would make Baekhyun feel sick if he had to chew it so he'd spent the time chopping the blueberries and strawberries up small enough to be imperceptible in the fluffy pancakes. Baekhyun knew Chanyeol wouldn't quit with his insistence that he eat more fruit because he wanted the babies to like fruit and he had this weird idea that whatever Baekhyun ate the babies would have a taste for.

 

For the first time in ages, Baekhyun didn't get up and rush to the bathroom. His stomach behaved itself while he picked slowly at the pancakes and sipped his lemon ginger tea. He didn't know how he could even be hungry after the pumpkin soup and homemade flatbreads Chanyeol had served up to him the night before. He smiled to himself as he kicked his legs around under the sheets and enjoyed his breakfast. He felt great with a good sleep on a full tummy and he suddenly realised he could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe things would get better.

 

The great morning quickly turned sour when Baekhyun, freshly showered, realised he couldn't button his suit pants. He tried pair after pair but somehow overnight the roundness of his stomach had increased just enough to make every pair of pants he owned too small. Baekhyun's past came rushing into his present as he cursed himself for eating so much at dinner the night before. If he hadn't eaten so much soup he would be buttoning his trousers and putting his shoes on. Instead he was sitting on his bed in a shirt, socks, and his underpants with tears streaming down his cheeks feeling fat and disgusting and miserable.

 

His brain fought with itself as he tried to get his shit together. His conscious mind knew this was going to happen, that he had to get bigger to grow his healthy babies, but his subconscious threw every insecurity he'd ever had into the corners of his brain. As he sat on his bed, shivering and shaking, all he could think of was how much he wished Chanyeol was there in that moment. Somehow he would know exactly what to say and do to quiet the demons in Baekhyun's mind. But with Chanyeol already acting weird the last thing he wanted to do was burden him anymore.

 

He swallowed his pride and tried the pants again but they wouldn't button no matter how hard he pulled at the waistband.

 

His past whispered in his ear that he was too fat, too jiggly and too squishy, that he was gross and unattractive. In his mind the little roll of loose skin poking out over the pants was a thick roll of fat that he was going to be stuck with forever. And it was this unattractive mountain of flesh which was going to drive Chanyeol away and into the arms of some perfect person with a fit hard body and a more energetic disposition. Someone who could be the kind of partner Baekhyun knew Chanyeol deserved.

 

He'd struggled through it all. The early days alone and scared, the sickness that forced him into the hospital, the overwhelming fear of telling Chanyeol about his pregnancy. But this time he just couldn't do it. Baekhyun fell apart.

 

"I'm not coming in today. I feel awful, please just reschedule whatever I have, I'm sorry Yixing."

 

"Can I call someone? Does Chanyeol know you're sick?" Yixing's concern was palpable  through the phone but Baekhyun just shook his head. "I'm fine, please don't bother him, he's got a business to run."

 

Baekhyun held his voice steady as he spoke through the phone and when he hung up he took off his shirt and socks and crawled back into bed.

 

 

 

 

 

He'd cried himself into a fitful sleep and opened his eyes to loud banging on the door. "Fucking Yixing can’t mind his own business," Baekhyun cursed his dilligent and caring secretary. He knew who was at the door, and he tossed his button up shirt over his bare chest, buttoning it as he made his way to the front door of his apartment.

 

"Baek," Chanyeol pulled him close as soon as he opened the door, "Yixing sent Junmyeon a text saying not to bring your lunch to the office because you were staying home." He pulled away and his eyes travelled over Baekhyun's small form. He could tell by his reddened eyes that he'd been crying but clad in only a hastily buttoned white shirt and no pants Chanyeol couldn't help but lick his lips.

 

Every day his belly grew a little rounder, his face a little chubbier, his chest a little softer. And every day Chanyeol couldn't help but thing how his cheeks looked cuter, his smile brighter, his body even sexier. And now, barely dressed and bed haired, Chanyeol could barely control himself.

 

But he did.

 

"Why so sad?" He asked with a cute pout that made Baekhyun laugh. "I don't want to say," Baekhyun suddenly felt like he'd stayed home for a very stupid reason. But he'd learned quickly how persistent Chanyeol could be and, comforted by his presence as he closed the door behind himself, Baekhyun let the floodgates open.

 

"It's stupid," he said as he sniffed and a tear escaped to roll down his pink hued mochi cheek. "I couldn't button my pants and I can't go to work in sweatpants, and then I felt fat and ugly and horrible."

 

Baekhyun sniffed as Chanyeol's mouth gaped open in horror.

 

"And then I, I don't know, you were so weird last night and I thought you might already be bored with me, and I'm so disgusting with my fat belly and my fat face..." Baekhyun was cut off by Chanyeol's lips as he stole the breath from his mouth. Chanyeol had been so intent on being gentle and careful with this beautifully fragile creature in his arms but in this moment he realised his reluctant trepidation wasn't helping.

 

He let his tongue sweep roughly through Baekhyun's mouth until he felt the smaller struggle for air. "I feel like my breath is bad..." Baekhyun murmured and turned his face but Chanyeol had already moved on to kiss his jaw and down the side of his neck. "It isn't." Chanyeol firmly refuted him before working the buttons on his shirt. They fell open as his fingers worked them swiftly and expertly and Baekhyun tried to grab at the fabric and hold it closed. "I feel fat..." he protested but said aloud the words didn't have the same power they did in his head. "You're beautiful," Chanyeol refuted him again just as vehemently and pulled the shirt open exposing Baekhyun's new roundness in the morning light.

 

"You're so hot.." Chanyeol ran his big hands down the sides of Baekhyun's neck and leaned in for another deep kiss. This time Baekhyun gave in to it and it was longer before he needed to break apart. "Do you really mean it?" His voice trembled but the look in Chanyeol's eyes told him everything he needed to know.

 

"Mean it? Fuck, Baekhyun, I want you so bad, last night all I wanted to do was kiss you and touch you, but I need to know for sure that you want it too. I should have just asked you straight out instead of being all awkward."

 

His eyes raked over Baekhyun's rounded figure again making the shorter man flush hot. "So I'm asking you now. Can I take you in the bedroom and show you how I feel? Please?" It was Chanyeol’s turn to blush as he averted his gaze. “It’s, uh, it’s safe to do it. I already checked on the app.” Black irises blinked down at Baekhyun from under long lashes and Baekhyun felt himself nod. No one had ever spoken to him like Chanyeol did and it sparked something inside him that felt warm and comfortable and good.

 

Baekhyun shrugged out of the shirt and let it drop to the floor. His soft smile held all the answers Chanyeol was looking for as he let Baekhyun lead him towards the bedroom.

 

Maybe the day wasn't going to end up as bad as it started.


	31. Chapter 31

 

 

As soon as Baekhyun’s back hit the soft unmade bed he wanted to change his mind. His hands tried to cover his chest and his legs squeezed together but Chanyeol just crawled slowly on top of him and made him open up.

 

His big hands, warm and soft, ran lightly up the insides of Baekhyun’s legs before he pushed Baekhyun’s knees apart. He settled between them and let his fingers trail gently across Baekhyun’s vanilla white thighs. The thighs he thought were too soft, too fleshy, just made Chanyeol’s mouth water. He wanted to feel them pressed against his cheeks. But first he moved his fingers up to entwine with Baekhyun’s, forcing him to remove them from trying to hide his chest.

 

The only thing that turned Chanyeol on more than Baekhyun’s rounded belly was the softness of his chest. Last time they were here Chanyeol had missed the chance to taste the delicate pink buds and make Baekhyun writhe and giggle at the sensation. He wasn’t wasting another opportunity. He opened his mouth and let his tongue lap gently, just barely, at one nipple turned dark with Baekhyun’s increasing hormones. It was enough. Baekhyun was as sensitive as Chanyeol had predicted and he let out a soft whine of enjoyment as his back arched off the bed.

 

He didn’t suck. Baekhyun was too sensitive for that. He instead placed his mouth gently around Baekhyun’s nipple and let his tongue flick gently against it and the moan from Baekhyun’s lips was incredible. Chanyeol smiled to himself as he lifted his head and saw Baekhyun’s face scrunched up in pleasure. He would gently worship every single inch of Baekhyun’s body if that’s what it took to make him see how beautiful he was. To know how Chanyeol saw him.

 

He let his lips trail down Baekhyun’s neck, gentle kisses peppered across the soft flesh of his chest, his tongue sliding down lower as his hands followed. Chanyeol let them gently work their way around the barely noticeable roundness of Baekhyun’s bump, they trailed gently across his bony hips, they gripped and kneaded the soft flesh of his thighs again as Chanyeol prepared himself for what he’d been waiting for.

 

Kneeling between Baekhyun’s knees, Chanyeol bent his head, his hot breath ghosting across the hardness forming in the front of Baekhyun’s briefs. He remembered the self deprecation of their last time in this position and as Chanyeol mouthed at Baekhyun’s clothed erection he heard it again.

 

“You don’t have to do that,” Baekhyun said softly but this time Chanyeol refuted him firmly. “I know I don’t have to but I want to...” Chanyeol slipped his fingers under the elastic and as he pulled down Baekhyun’s erection sprang free. Before he could stop him Chanyeol took it in his mouth and hummed in delight at the taste. His tongue flattened and massaged the underside as Chanyeol’s soft lips moved up and down the length. He could taste how close Baekhyun was and he didn’t want to stop but he also didn’t want to give Baekhyun something else to apologise for.

 

He released his mouth and smiled when he saw the flush on Baekhyun’s cheeks. “You’re so beautiful,” Chanyeol said and his gaze burned hot and fierce into Baekhyun’s soul. He stared up at the man hovering over him and for the first time ever he believed someone. He believed that Chanyeol found him beautiful. He could feel how much Chanyeol wanted him through the dark gaze radiating from the tall man.

 

Something awoke inside him. Something hungry, something needy and impatient, an urgent longing he hadn’t felt before. He leaned up and Chanyeol took the hint, leaning down to press their lips together, Baekhyun pulling him close before rolling over.

 

Their positions were switched and Baekhyun’s newly ignited passion burst into flame. He pulled frantically at Chanyeol’s shirt before tossing it to the floor. His eyes opened wide at the sight of Chanyeol’s hard muscular body. His chest was strong and his abs were defined and Baekhyun cursed the drunken haze which clouded his memory of last time they did this.

 

He exhaled as he let his hands wander, feeling every inch of Chanyeol’s hot body. His insecurities wanted to scream that he didn’t deserve this, that Chanyeol’s perfect body and gorgeous eyes were too much for Baekhyun, that he wasn’t enough. But Chanyeol’s expression and his gentle hands told Baekhyun that he was enough.

 

Baekhyun smiled softly at Chanyeol and moved between his legs. He pulled at Chanyeol’s jeans and the other lifted his hips and Baekhyun pulled them off and tossed them to the floor. He wriggled out of his briefs and pulled at Chaneyeol’s as well and soon they were both naked in the early afternoon sun.

 

It lit Baekhyun’s skin with an unearthly glow. Chanyeol just laid still and stared as Baekhyun began to stroke his cock. He started a little tentative but when Chanyeol began to softly moan his pleasure Baekhyun’s confidence swiftly increased. He laid his tiny body against Chanyeol’s, his head pressed against Chanyeol’s chest, as he jerked him slowly and teasingly, almost playfully, his gentleness remaining with his reluctance relinquished. Chanyeol was in heaven.

 

He was lost in the sound of Baekhyun’s ragged breath and he really thought just this would be enough. But Baekhyun suddenly stopped and leaned over to look in his bedside drawer and before Chaneyol could comprehend what was happening Baekhyun was spreading lube all over his hard cock.

 

“Baek...” He said softly but Baekhyun just shushed him and straddled his hips. Chanyeol could only watch on as Baekhyun slowly sank his rounded hips over Chanyeol’s taking in all of his erection. It was incredible and Chanyeol moaned loudly as he fought to keep control of his body. His back wanted to arch off the bed and his hips wanted to buck wildly and thrust up but he kept his breath steady and let Baekhyun maintain control.

 

Baekhyun began to roll his hips. He leaned forward and put his hands on Chanyeol’s chest as he raised his hips and sank back down slowly and rhythmically. The feeling of having Chanyeol inside him, hard and hot and so big, was better than he remembered. He thrust his hips as he began to sweat and ride him faster as beads of moisture sparkled on his brow.

 

“Baek, god, you’re amazing...” Chanyeol gasped as he pulled himself up against Baekhyun’s chest. He captured Baekhyun’s lips with his in a kiss that was full of heat and arousal as Baekhyun kept riding hard on his cock. He pulled their bodies closer and ran a hand through Baekhyun’s hair as his speed began to increase. Chanyeol’s pleasure was almost at its peak and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold on.

 

The friction of his own erection trapped between their warm bodies brought Baekhyun to the edge as well. He thrust his hips harder and groaned as he felt Chanyeol thrust upwards in time with his own rhythm. Just as he felt Chanyeol’s body tense all over his own head dropped back in ecstasy. His hot cum spilled between their stomachs as he moaned loudly and drove his hips down wildly.

 

He felt incredible, like he was on a high, and overstimulation set in quickly. He painted for breath as he lost his strength but Chanyeol just gripped his hips and drove his erection hard up into his exhausted body. A few quick thrusts and the other came undone, calling Baekhyun’s name as he came, filling Baekhyun with his cum.

 

Chanyeol fell backwards onto the pillows as all the stamina left his body. He pulled Baekhyun down with him and the smaller slipped off and laid his tiny form next to Chanyeol wrapped in his arms. A new intimacy was growing between them, aided by the warmth of their bare skin, and Chanyeol felt no self consciousness as he let his big hand stroke the swell of Baekhyun’s belly. And this time, instead of shrinking away, Baekhyun made little noises of contentment as he snuggled closer to Chanyeol’s heartbeat beating steadily in his chest.

 

“Chanyeol, people ask me if we’re dating, and I don’t know what to tell them. I mean, we’ve never even had a real date, but we are together. Aren’t we?” He lifted his head but his renewed insecurity was quickly shot down by Chanyeol’s stoic confidence. “We’re more than just ‘dating’ Baekhyun.” He smiled widely at the other man and pulled him close again. “We’re a family.”

 

Baekhyun’s heart swelled at Chanyeol’s words and he curled up on his chest again. As he drifted off into a mid afternoon nap with the feeling of fingers in his hair he smiled to himself at how lucky he was. Everything he never knew he wanted was falling right into place and it felt wonderful.


	32. Chapter 32

 

 

Once again, the morning was still dark. But to Baekhyun’s surprise it was almost 6am. He’d slept past the ‘witching hour’, the time when he usually rose to empty his stomach and try to fill it again. The bed next to him was cold and so was the tea but he felt amazing. He felt warm inside and he didn’t even bother trying to face the world. Instead he just sipped his cold tea and burrowed back down into the soft quilt and sheets that still held the lingering scent of Chanyeol. His memories of being loved so reverently the night before had awakened something inside Baekhyun he’d never felt before. He felt good about himself and his place in the world.

 

He knew he had to get up. He knew that he had to face the world, deal with the work he didn’t get done the day before, but this time the small obstacles that seemed so insurmountable the day before now just seemed like speed bumps rather than mountains. The note next to the bed told him to look in the fridge and he found a plate of tiny quiche. He’d been having trouble with protein, and eggs usually made him feel sick, but Chanyeol’s magic hands whipped them with cream and chives and an enticing range of cheese and they somehow became something nutritious that Baekhyun stuffed eagerly into his mouth. The light mixture was dotted with tiny surprises of bacon and corn and he smiled as his body readily accepted the nutritious food.

 

It was Wednesday and Friday couldn’t come quick enough. Friday was the ultrasound and he couldn’t wait to see his babies growing. His belly was growing by the day, little by little, not noticeable to anyone else. But his lack of pants proved he was doing well at growing them. He groaned as he showered and prepared to face his closet full of things that didn’t really fit but Chanyeol had once again proved his genius.

 

He pulled the pants on and looped an elastic band around the button, through the buttonhole, and back around the button. He couldn’t believe Chanyeol’s idea was so simple but so clever. It gave him the extra inch he needed and it gave him the rest of the week to prepare for a shopping trip. He would go on the weekend and get some new clothes. Maybe Chanyeol would come with him if he didn’t have plans.

 

The quiche had given him a funny feeling in his tummy and he dressed in his suit and shirt, jacket and socks, his belt abandoned and his shirt left unbuttoned. It was a bit of an odd look but it would work just fine. The weird feeling in his belly fluttered a little again as he rushed out the door with his car keys in hand.

 

When he sat down in the drivers seat of his vehicle shock washed over him. The feeling fluttered again, then jabbed a little, and Baekhyun was stunned with the realisation that it wasn’t the quiche at all. He could feel one of his babies kicking him.

 

 

“Chanyeol!” he called out as he burst though the door of the bakery. The little bell’s cheerful ring was overpowered by Baekhyun’s joyful excitement as he called out and looked around the room. Junmyeon was stationed behind the counter and there were a few early morning customers but the place was mostly empty. “Baek?” Chanyeol came out from the back room, hands frantically wiping clean on a cloth, a look of panic on the tall man’s face. “Are you okay? Is something wrong?” Baekhyun shook his head as he grinned widely in the middle of the bakery  and Chanyeol walked towards him. “Nothings wrong!” he said with a bright expression. “I can feel them. The babies! They’re kicking!”

 

Baekhyun laughed as Chanyeol frantically wiped his hands clean and dropped the cloth to the floor, his big hands wrapping around Baekhyun’s little bump, the look on his face quickly turning from excitement to disappointment. “I can’t feel it..” he pouted sadly and Baekhyun giggled at his childishness. “Well they’re not kicking now!” he laughed. “But they were before. I thought your quiche was giving me indigestion but it was really them. I could feel them!” Tears filled his eyes and they were reflected in Chanyeol’s soft gaze. He felt warm hands move from his stomach to his cheeks as Chanyeol leaned down and kissed his lips softly and lovingly. “I’m so happy,” he smiled and Baekhyun did too. “Me too....” his voice whispered gently. And he really was.

 

 

 

 

“Good morning!” Baekhyun dropped the little box of apple custard Danish onto Yixing’s desk along with a tall takeaway cup of latte for his dilligent employee. “You’ve already been to the bakery?” Yixing immediately recognised the pink flowers on the coffee cup sleeve. “Yes!” Baekhyun’s eyes sparkled and Yixing grinned at how well he looked. “So what’s changed? Yesterday you were too sick to come to work. Today you’re literally glowing.” “The babies are kicking!” Baekhyun said and laughed when Yixing dived forward with his hands outstretched. “Not right now!” he laughed as Yixing frowned and pouted. “Anyway I don’t think you can feel it from the outside yet. But I can really feel them inside me.”

 

 

He sat down in his office and twirled in his chair a little. The last twenty four hours had been such a whirlwind of emotions and it wasn’t about to stop anytime soon. Baekhyun felt warm inside when he pictured Chanyeol’s panicked grasp on his skin at the news of the babies kicking. He wanted him to feel it, to feel the life inside him, to feel the evidence of their children growing strong and healthy. He couldn’t wait.

 

He waded through appointment after appointment before it reached lunchtime. His phone buzzed and it was Minseok and he suddenly realised since Chanyeol had so abruptly inserted himself into his life he’d barely seen his friends. He agreed to meet them for lunch and walked out of the office towards their favourite restaurant with a spring in his step he hadn’t had for months.

 

 

 

 

 

“You look amazing!” Jongdae yelled when he saw his friend’s ethereal glow. “I don’t look amazing. But I feel a lot better!” he leaned back in his chair and subtly pulled his shirt tighter to show off his blossoming bump.

 

“You’re getting bigger!” Jongdae’s excitement just jumped out and he quickly backed back from his comment. “I mean, you’re not big, not at all....” he blushed and stammered nervously over his words and Baekhyun leaned over and squeezed his hand.

 

“It’s fine Jongdae.” Baekhyun knew his friends were hyper aware of his past and how it affected his present. They were used to his insecurities, his causal self depreciation, his self loathing expressed barely concealed with nervous laughter.

 

But there was none of that today. He leaned back and caressed his bump contentedly with a gentle smile playing across his lips. “I’m getting bigger and it’s not going to stop. I’ve got two babies to feed and grow.” His smile turned into a blush as he looked up at his friends. “Chanyeol likes me like this anyway. He says I’m cute.”

 

“You seem happy,” Minseok said with tears glittering in his smiling eyes. “I am,” Baekhyun said in reply. “I’ve never been this happy in my life.”


	33. Chapter 33

 

 

His bladder was full to bursting but Baekhyun’s eyes sparkled with excitement. His expression of anticipation was reflected on the face of Chanyeol who walked with him into the room. It was cool and dimly lit and Baekhyun‘s anxiety over this place had faded with Chanyeol holding tight to his hand. He couldn’t wait to see his babies.

 

“Mr Byun, how have you been feeling?” the technician smile as he clambered a little awkwardly onto the bed. “I’ve been well,” he smiled at Chanyeol and lifted his shirt to expose the roundness of his belly. She gave him the little cloth to tuck in and squirted him with the cold get as Chanyeol settled onto the chair next to the bed. “I can feel them kicking now,” he said as he lay back uncomfortably on the flat cold bed.

 

“Now, this might take a little while today, I have to check the measurements of their bones, and with two to check it’s twice as long,” she began to move the wand around and, unlike last time, this time they both popped straight onto the screen. “They’ve gotten so big!” Chanyeol remarked loudly as his shining eyes focused on the screen. He absentmindedly leaned over to see a bit better and popped a kiss on Baekhyun’s forehead without a word. “Is everything okay?” Baekhyun asked and she smiled briefly. “It should be,” she moved the wand around and used the screen to superimpose measurements onto the images, “and if there’s any obvious abnormalities I will be able to see straight away.”

 

She continued to click images as the wand moved around. “They aren’t identical,” she said as she focused on the screen, “There are two distinct amniotic sacs and two placentas. I can tell you the gender today if you want as well.” Baekhyun’s eyes flashed straight over and he could tell by the look on Chanyeol’s face that he wanted to know. Baekhyun wondered if Chanyeol was the sort of kid who hunted relentlessly for his Christmas presents before the day. He just could not wait for a surprise.

 

“Okay,” Baekhyun said, “we want to know if you are able to tell.”

 

“Everything looks normal; they are both a healthy size, although one is a little smaller than the other. It’s nothing to worry about at this stage but because it’s a multiple pregnancy your obstetrician will want to keep an eye on their growth anyway…” Baekhyun zoned out a little as he watched the babies moving around on the black and white screen and when he looked over at Chanyeol, he saw the same expression mirrored. They looked more like real babies now, their features evident on the tiny screen, their fingers and toes countable and their arms and legs measured.

 

“Everything looks fine,” she said as she hit the print button and pulled a few pictures out. “Here’s a couple for you to take now,” Chanyeol took the printed images, labelled twin one and twin two, and stared at them with a trembling lip.

 

“Please don’t cry…” Baekhyun begged him. However, when Chanyeol handed him a copy of the pictures he was the one who broke. Tears streamed down his cheeks as Chanyeol wrapped him tight in his arms. “Shhh…” Chanyeol shushed him gently as he helped him from the bed. “I told you everything was going to be fine.”

 

Baekhyun headed straight for the toilet and as he relieved his stressed bladder he smiled happily. His constant illness and unshakeable tiredness had him convinced that it was going to affect his unborn babies. He really didn’t understand how they could be growing so well and so lively when he was barely hanging on. But his thoughts so quickly turned to Chanyeol. So caring and nurturing, so adept at anticipating his needs. It was all a credit to the tall man who was singlehandedly keeping Baekhyun going. He was going to be an amazing father.

 

When he walked out he saw Chanyeol, once again, paying the bill with his credit card. Baekhyun absentmindedly wondered how much money Chanyeol had. It didn’t matter to him at all, he wasn’t like that, he was used to being the provider in the relationship anyway. He wasn’t by any means rich but he’d been rich enough for Sehun to use him as some kind of low-rent sugar daddy. Chanyeol’s bakery seemed successful enough but he worked long hours, his work for Kyungsoo’s tv show was sporadic and seasonal and couldn’t make that much money, and Chanyeol still lived with his parents. None of this screamed money or luxury or wealth. “I was going to pay for this one,” Baekhyun protested but Chanyeol just brushed it off. It still worried Baekhyun when he saw the receipt for over three hundred dollars. It was a lot of money.

 

 

An hour later, when Chanyeol pulled his car up in front of a huge mansion, Baekhyun’s eyes widened. “Ready?” Chanyeol asked before they got out. “They’re so excited to finally meet you.” Baekhyun looked over the huge home that looked more like a palace, the high fence and coded gate, the visible terracotta roof set far back from the road. Chanyeol leaned out the window and punched the code in and when the gates opened Baekhyun’s mouth hung agape in shock. The place was huge, it was perfect and beautiful, it was opulent but reserved and tasteful. It was exactly the sort of home Baekhyun would have it he had money like this. Neat shrubbery lined the driveway and manicured grass was visible as far as the eye could see. He decided he already liked Chanyeol’s parents. They had excellent taste.

 

Baekhyun had been incredibly shy about coming here and doing this. He had listened to Chanyeol’s insistence that his parents were happy about everything and wanted to meet him but he still felt weird about it. He didn’t want them to think he’d trapped their son in any way. He’d dressed down for the occasion, a warm navy blue sweater loosely covering his bump, his collar peeking out neatly from the top. He expected a stilted dinner party, marked by awkward questions and a lot of silent chewing, and Baekhyun silently willing it to be over.

 

They parked and, to Baekhyun’s surprise, the door flew open and a woman rushed out. She was almost his height and her head was covered with thick dark curls the exact replica of the ones he loved on Chanyeol. Her eyes were warm and her cheeks were pink and the expression on her face was excited and happy. “You must be Baekhyun!” she said as her hands went to his cheeks. “You’re beautiful! My grandbabies are going to be beautiful! With your genes, and his-“ her eyes flicked over to Chanyeol who was blushing at his Mum’s enthusiasm, “ah, they’re going to be just perfect. Two perfect babies.”

 

“Here,” Chanyeol moved to Baekhyun’s side and squeezed his hand while his free one held out the ultrasound pictures to his parents as they all still stood in the doorway. “They’re growing strong and healthy and just as they should, the boy is a little smaller than the girl, but apparently that’s nothing to worry about..”

 

“Boy and girl?” her eyes filled with tears as she looked from Baekhyun to Chanyeol and back to Baekhyun. “Yeah,” Baekhyun said softly as Chanyeol grinned and nodded. And Baekhyun decided then and there that he was never going to be allowed to see where their presents were hidden. The man couldn’t keep a secret to save his life.

 

 


	34. Chapter 34

 

 

“So…” Mrs Park began, seated across from the fledgling couple at the long table, her husband at her right. “How are things going? Baekhyun I know you’ve been unwell, are you feeling better now? Is Chanyeol taking good care of you?” Baekhyun chewed the mouthful of mashed potato and quickly swallowed. “Yes Ma’am I am. Chanyeol is very good at taking care of me.”

 

“I’ll bet he is,” Mr Park smirked making his son flush bright red with embarrassment. “Dad..” he groaned but Mr Park just laughed. “What? When your mother was pregnant with you she was on me all the time. Her hormones were crazy.” It was Baekhyun’s turn to blush now as he stared back at the meagre plate of plain foods he’d been served. While the rest of the dinner party were enjoying a meal of various seafood and lightly fried vegetables Baekhyun had been handed a plate of mashed potato with chicken nuggets and a light gravy. He knew it was the work of Chanyeol and it made him feel wonderful. Chanyeol had already thought ahead for him and saved him the embarrassment of trying to force down a dinner of unpalatable foods in front of strangers.

 

“So are you planning on continuing work once the babies are born?” Mrs Park asked as Baekhyun filled his mouth with more potato. He quickly swallowed it and took a sip of the iced peach tea he’d been served as he shook his head. “I don’t really know yet Mrs Park. My business is really taking off at the moment and I guess I haven’t though that far ahead. I don’t really want to hire a nanny..” his voice trailed off as he thought about what would happen. He’d hoped to be home for a while with the babies and had already started saving.

 

“I’m saving right now so I can take some time off when they are born. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to take but it’s not even the money really…” his past came back to haunt him again when he remembered the eye watering price tag of his failed wedding with Sehun. He could have really done with that money to fall back on right now. He didn’t want his business to sink after he had worked so hard to build it up to where he was. He suddenly felt overwhelmed and put his fork down and when his hand dropped to his lap he felt Chanyeol grab it and squeeze it tight. “It will be fine. You aren’t alone. We’ll work it out together Baek.”

 

“I hear your apartment is nice, Chanyeol says it’s a great building, right across the road from a big park. Are you planning on staying there?” Baekhyun nodded. “I really can’t afford to sell. I’d rather stay and have more money to stay home longer after they’re born. I really underestimated how expensive all this was going to be.”

 

 

He smiled shyly at the sophisticated people sitting opposite him picking at their meal. “I want to go shopping tomorrow and look at baby stuff actually, get an idea of what I need, try and set a budget..” “We, what we need Baekhyun, and budget isn’t an issue.” Chanyeol’s usually calm demeanour stiffened a little as he sat up taller in his chair. “I can provide them everything they need. I’ve told you this before and I don’t want you worrying about money.”

 

Chanyeol’s demeanour seemed so odd as opposed to his usual calm relaxed manner. Baekhyun went to say something but quickly filled his mouth with a chicken nugget instead. He really would prefer having this conversation alone.

 

Talk quickly turned lighter, the conversation shifted to Baekhyun’s love of design and how he ended up as a wedding planner, his aptitude for event planning and aesthetic crossing over into a successful business idea. He felt the mood lift and he chatted happily and comfortably with Chanyeol’s parents. They were really so nice and he could see where the gentle giant next to him got his pleasant manner and charming personality from. But Chanyeol was uncharacteristically stiff and silent next to him now and he couldn’t help but think he’d upset him.

 

The conversation swung back to Baekhyun’s apartment and it’s suitability to raise two children. “I’m really embarrassed that I’m not in a better financial position at my age,” Baekhyun sighed in the face of his children’s grandparents. “I made a really bad decision and it’s been hard to bounce back from.” Baekhyun could see by the look on their faces that Chanyeol had already appraised them of the sad story of his runaway groom. “I like where I live and I want to raise my children there. Maybe when they are a little older I’ll be able to afford a bigger place…”

 

“So when are you going to start living together then? I know Chanyeol is sick of running back here and living out of that duffel bag. Plus you’ll need the help when they’re born..” Mrs Park eyes glinted with just a hint of mischief as she smirked at her son and he stared down at his plate. ”Mum….” he whined a little and Baekhyun suddenly realised the transience he’d inflicted on Chanyeol’s life. “He, ah, I don’t know…” Baekhyun had been put on the spot and was having trouble recovering. “He still has a right to his own life and I’ve already caused so much turmoil…”

 

Mrs Park had just thought the biggest issue out there. Baekhyun didn’t just want Chanyeol with him, he needed him, he needed him like he needed oxygen. And when the babies came he would need him even more. He hated every single minute Chanyeol was away from him, he hated him having to go back and forth and fetch clothes and stuff all the time, but he was just too scared to ask the questions Mrs Park had no trouble throwing out so casually.  He stared down at the almost empty plate and sighed as he looked up. “I’m sure he isn’t ready, this is all moving so fast….” He swallowed thickly as his throat felt constricted and when he looked around three sets of wide eyes stared at him. The widest belonged to Chanyeol who blinked at him with glistening orbs of dark expectancy.

 

“We can, maybe, talk about this later….” He said and the quiet chatter and eating resumed.

 

After a lot of talking and some delicious dessert Baekhyun began to yawn and Chanyeol said he would take him home. Baekhyun watched Chanyeol pick up the duffel bag he’d already packed and left near the door and he felt inexplicably sad. Why couldn’t he just talk about things?

 

As soon as the car door closed behind them Chanyeol lost it. “Baekhyun,” his voice was low, definitely not a yell, but the emotions inside it were simmering with anger. “Please don’t ever embarrass me like that in front of my parents again.” Baekhyun frowned as Chanyeol reversed his car and his bottom lip trembled in fear. He knew Chanyeol was mad and now he had to face why.

 

“I’ve told you. This isn’t your problem or responsibility alone. I can provide for them Baekhyun. I can support you while you take time off and I can most definitely buy them all the things they need. Please don’t ever make me feel like that in front of my parents ever again.” Baekhyun immediately felt defensive before realising that was the problem. He was so defensive all the time, hiding his true feelings, hiding his needs and his wants and his desires. He’d been so defensive during the dinner. The last thing he wanted was for Chanyeol’s parents to think he was after his money. Instead he’d just made the gentle man feel like shit in front of his parents.

 

“I’m sorry Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said sadly as he stared out the window. He felt awful and could barely bring himself to look at Chanyeol but he turned his head and saw him smiling back at him.

 

“I’ve told you,” Chanyeol whispered as he pulled up in the carpark of Baekhyun’s apartment, “I have money. And it’s not my parents money. It’s my money. And now it’s our money.” He looked down at Baekhyun’s burgeoning stomach and smiled. “It’s their money. It’s all for them.” Chanyeol reached out and let his huge hand rest protectively on Baekhyun’s’ stomach and both their eyes widened in surprise. “Did you feel that?” Baekhyun said and the look on Chanyeol’s face proved he did.

 

Chanyeol was just in the right place at the right time to feel one of his babies kicking him and Baekhyun did not want to risk him missing any more moments.

 

 

 


	35. Chapter 35

 

 

 

“What about this?” Chanyeol was smiling next to a beautiful white cot. Baekhyun nodded as he looked around. They all looked the same. He checked the price tag and almost staggered backwards. “$800? Really?” He sighed at Chanyeol’s enthusiasm. “And we need two.. of almost everything....” he wandered over to look at the other furniture, change tables, high chairs, storage. They needed a lot of stuff.

 

They had been in the nursery store for ages and had chosen nothing. Baekhyun was still uncomfortable with the idea of spending so much of Chanyeol’s money and Chanyeol wanted to buy everything in the place no matter the cost. It just wasn’t working for either of them.

 

Baekhyun wandered around looking at overpriced towels and sheets and stuffed animals. There was something about this place that just made him feel suffocated, like the walls were closing in, like it was all too hard and too much. Too much pink, too much blue, too much lace and too much stuff. He began to sweat, his head began to swim, he suddenly felt like he needed to escape.

 

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol said when he saw Baekhyun’s desperate expression. “No,” Baekhyun said as he gasped for oxygen, “Can we get out of here?”

 

 

They sat on a bench in the middle of the mall while Chanyeol held a cold bottle of lemonade. Baekhyun’s lips wrapped around the straw and he sipped slowly at the sweet liquid. It revived him a little and he felt immediately better. “I’m sorry,” Baekhyun said as he gratefully accepted the drink, “it’s not even the money really, I just...” “That place wasn’t really us, was it?” Chanyeol smiled and took a sip from the straw before poking it back at Baekhyun’s face.

 

“Yeah,” Baekhyun said slowly. Chanyeol was always so great at articulating how Baekhyun felt no matter how vague those emotions were.“I just couldn’t see us bringing our babies home and putting them into those things. I couldn’t feel it at all.”

 

Chanyeol’s goofy smile spread wide across his face. “What?” Baekhyun smiled in return and Chanyeol put an arm around him and drew him close. “You just said ‘us’ and ‘our’ and it makes me happy to hear!”

 

In the middle of the crowded mall, surrounded by people shopping and socialising and going about their daily business, Baekhyun closed his eyes and opened his heart. As he let Chanyeol draw his lips into a chaste but loaded kiss he felt like everything was going to be okay.

 

“Can we live together?” Baekhyun blurted out as their lips separated and Chanyeol broke into a wide grin. “I really thought you’d never ask!” He smirked as Baekhyun blushed. “Yes! No more duffel bag sleepovers!” He fist pumped the air and jumped up from the bench pulling Baekhyun into a dizzying hug. “Let’s get out of here!” He said and began to drag Baekhyun’s towards the entrance. “Where are we going?” He asked but Chanyeol just kept walking. “You’ll see,” he said and Baekhyun just let himself get carried along.

 

 

 

An hour later Baekhyun was in love. The soft clean looking beech made him feel happy about filling up a nursery with the pieces they were looking at. “How is this only three hundred dollars?” Baekhyun marvelled as Chanyeol laughed loudly. “It’s IKEA! Everything here is cheap!” “But they’re so nice....”

 

Chanyeol took the little card with the number of the cot Baekhyun liked. The cot had drawers underneath for storage and even had a removable side so it would turn into a toddler bed. They chose a matching change table and a storage unit and a few sets of plain white cotton sheets. “I know you don’t want pink and blue,” Chanyeol said and he was right. “Lavender and grey,” Baekhyun said as he stared at a veritable rainbow of towels on the wall. Chanyeol just nodded. This wasn’t his area of expertise.

 

Their cart was finally filled with towels and facewashers, cot sheets, a big white shag rug and an assortment of weird animal plushies

Chanyeol has insisted they needed. They arranged for their large items to be delivered and when they went through the check out to pay Chanyeol made Baekhyun wait outside.

 

As he stood outside waiting Baekhyun felt good. It felt good to be taken care of, to have someone look after him, and for that person to be so happy about it.

 

As he watched him walk towards him proudly bearing the huge cart of baby items tears filled Baekhyun’s eyes. “What?” Chanyeol said with concern as he noticed Baekhyun’s state. “I’m just glad it’s you...” Baekhyun broke down in the carpark of IKEA on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

 

 

He sobbed as he clung to Chanyeol’s shirt and the tall man wrapped him up in a huge comforting hug. He sobbed for himself, the upheaval which just seemed to make his life better everyday, for the comfort and care he was fast becoming accustomed to, mostly he sobbed for his inability to articulate exactly how he felt about Chanyeol. But he was glad it was him. He couldn’t imagine going through this with anyone else.

 

“Shhhhh...” Chanyeol whispered gently as he stroked Baekhyun’s hair and Baekhyun just cried harder. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled into Chanyeol’s tshirt as they stood and he cried like a tiny island surrounded by the swell of people wandering around them heading to their cars or into the store.

 

“Don’t be sorry,” Chanyeol said as he stood steadfast and unmoving while Baekhyun cried into his shirt. “I’m glad it’s you too,” he smiled down at Baekhyun’s tear streaked face and wiped a cheek with his thumb.

 

“Fucking hormones,” Baekhyun said as he untangled himself from Chanyeol’s arms. “Well at least these are happy tears?” Chanyeol asked hopefully and Baekhyun smiled. “Yeah, they are,” he replied as Chanyeol opened the passenger door and helped Baekhyun inside.

 

He sat in silence while Chanyeol loaded the car and by the time he got in Baekhyun had calmed down. “Chanyeol, I, ah, I don’t really know how to show you how happy I am. I know I probably don’t seem like it because, you know, all the insecurity and crying and stuff, but I really am trying.” Baekhyun took a deep breath. “Can I take you out on a date tonight? We never really had a real one and when these little terrors get out of me we won’t have much time.”

 

Chanyeol’s smile was so bright Baekhyun worried the sun was going to disappear in its stead. “I’d really love that!” Chanyeol said as they turned onto the highway and headed back towards their city apartment. The duffel bag was still a mainstay but hopefully it would soon be a thing of the past. Baekhyun wanted his home to be their home. All four of them.

 

“We’re going to live together!” Baekhyun grinned happily. “Let’s go out and celebrate!”

 


	36. Chapter 36

 

 

Baekhyun woke up sweating. It was 1am, earlier than usual, and disappointing considering how well he’d been for the last few weeks. He was closing in on 24 weeks fast and bigger than ever. His sickness had faded into insignificance, with the constant homemade treats he was finally eating well, and the warmth of Chanyeol’s big body next to him he was sleeping better too.

 

This was different.

 

He felt an ache in his groin and reached down to find he was hard, harder than he thought possible. He rolled awkwardly onto his side, his erection rubbing against his thigh, leaking a wet patch inside the comfy pyjama pants he’d rolled under his burgeoning belly. He could see Chanyeol’s exposed chest and shoulders, one arm under his pillow and one slung over the blanket, and desire burned inside him. Chanyeol, sweet, kind hearted, hard working Chanyeol, was also the hottest man he’d ever seen and lying next to his half naked body it was difficult to ignore.

 

They hadn’t done anything since the last time, and that was only one time, so effectively they’d had sex twice in six months. Baekhyun knew Chanyeol had probably been wanting it but was too nice to even ask. And it really hadn’t crossed his mind until now. But his roller coaster of hormones wasn’t letting him off anytime soon and now he was awake at 1am crying silent tears with an almost painful erection and too much guilt to do anything about it. It was just another thing he he’d to ask Chanyeol for and anyway, he couldn’t wake him at 1am, he needed his sleep. Baekhyun couldn’t really consider waking him up and asking him to touch him. He tried to ignore it and slowly his erection began to go away. Eventually he drifted back into a fitful and unsatisfying sleep.

 

 

The next morning he found his breakfast with a little sticky note on top. He was meeting the midwife today and Chanyeol was cooking for Kyungsoo’s new series and so he was headed to the appointment alone. Chanyeol had freaked out about the timing but Baekhyun was feeling stronger every day and had insisted this was something he could do alone. He didn’t want to change the appointment. He just wanted to handle something by himself for once. So he smiled at the note, insisting Baekhyun call if he changed his mind, and slipped it into the pocket of his rubber banded suit pants as he shoved the raspberry Danish into his mouth.

 

The day dragged agonisingly until it was finally time for Baekhyun to go to the hospital. He played around on his phone in the waiting room, replied to Chanyeol’s text insisting he was okay on his own, and even tried to read a magazine. The wait was made even longer by the unsurprising fact that they were running late. When he was finally called into the room he wasn’t even surprised they were half an hour behind. And he wasn’t surprised to find her seated at the desk.

 

“Hi Yong Sun,” he smiled at the beautiful woman waiting for him in the clinic. She looked so different; her bohemian style tempered by the necessity of her environment, her love for crochet and denim replaced by cute scrubs with little flowers on them. Brightly coloured and fresh just like her smile.

 

“I sent Byul the proofs of the invitations,” he said and she laughed. “We’re here for you today Baekhyun! Have a seat!” He sat and they went over the basics on the file she had open. She asked him his age and blood type, allergies, and how he’d been feeling. She had the details from his GP about the hyperemesis and was happy when he said he’d been feeling well for weeks. The revelation came when he stood against the wall and she took his height, and then pointed at his archenemy, the bane of his lifelong existence, the scales.

 

He took a deep breath and stepped on and didn’t look at the numbers. Then he heard words he’d never heard in his life. They didn’t even seem to go together, their association was foreign, but he’d heard right and the way they melted into his brain made him feel a little giddy.

 

“That’s within the healthy weight range,” Yong Sun said as she wrote down the weight on his chart, “A little on the light side but definitely within the guidelines.” He didn’t know how wonderful they would sound, after everything he’d been through, not just during the pregnancy but his whole life. It was a sign of his recovery, of his growth and his new inner strength, and the invaluable and incomparable support he’d found in Chanyeol. The man had healed him more than he would ever understand.

 

Yong Sun smiled gently as she directed him to lay on the examination bed and he climbed up a little awkwardly. “Starting to get uncomfortable?” she asked with a knowing expression. “It’s to be expected. You are carrying two babies and by the look of your belly they’re nice and healthy sized as well.”

 

She felt around for the top of his bump and ran a tape measure from her hand to his bellybutton. “Seems just what it should be,” she felt his belly with flat hands, pressing and poking, concentrating on certain spots. “One head here, and one here,” she indicated the top sides of his bump. “They’re facing each other. I can feel the backs of their heads here,” Baekhyun smiled at the thought of his little girl and boy snuggled together, facing each other with their eyes closed, the boy most likely with his thumb in his mouth just as they’d seen on the ultrasounds. It made him feel warm inside.

 

“So physically everything seems fine,” she said as she helped him down from the bed and back over to the chair. “But I do have a questionnaire here to check your mental wellbeing too. Don’t be too worried about it, we just like to check how you’re travelling emotionally, and also if there are any issues it’s better to know earlier rather than later. When it all becomes overwhelming. Okay?”

 

Baekhyun suddenly felt sick when he saw the words on the top of her paperwork. ‘Post natal depression risk assessment’. He knew the kinds of things she was going to ask and he began to sweat a little. He feared sympathy, he feared judgement, but most of all Baekhyun feared exposure. He hated the idea of anyone knowing how weak and vulnerable he was inside.

 

But then he felt a kick and the swoosh of one baby rolling over and he smiled. He had to be strong. He couldn’t be afraid of everything and most of all he had to stop being afraid of his past.

 

“Have you, or anyone in your immediate family received treatment for mental illness?”

 

“Yes, me, during high school.” He stared at his fingers but continued.

 

“I suffered from depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. I spent six months in hospital.”

 

He looked up to see Yong Sun hadn’t flinched a bit. She simply continued on with her questions, asking about how he felt now, current treatments and strategies he was using, and finally she asked him about his support networks.

 

“Do you have someone you can rely on?” he nodded and the feeling of meaning it was overwhelming. She reached out and ran her hand across the back of his in a comforting gesture she was obviously well practiced in using. “That’s great Baekhyun. Having support is the most important thing right now,”said gently and he knew she was telling the truth. Tears filled his eyes but he willed them away and they retreated as another thought filled his mind.

 

“Any questions for me before you go?” she asked and he just blurted it out.

 

“Is it normal to want sex? And is it safe? Like, I have an app that says it is, but I don’t know....” he blushed bright pink but Yong Sun just nodded. “Of course it’s safe. There’s nothing to indicate that you’d be risking your or your babies health. And it’s absolutely normal.”

 

“Thank you,” Baekhyun said as he fixed his pants and got up to leave. He decided to grab some takeaway on the way home so Chanyeol didn’t feel like he had to cook. Baekhyun wanted it to be a special night and hoped Chanyeol wasn’t too tired.

 

 

 


	37. Chapter 37

 

Chanyeol held his breath as he added the finishing touches to the six-tier rainbow cake. It was beautiful in its ombre effect, the lower layers a deep lavender, grading up to a light pink at the very top. The cake was light and vanilla, the cream rich with just a touch of rosewater, the flowery fragrance surrounding the workbench where he added fresh flowers to the top.

 

“Nice,” Kyungsoo said admiringly as he wandered over to see Chanyeol’s progress. “I don’t think I’ll like the taste though.” “Well rose isn’t for everyone,” Chanyeol smiled. He had a love for unusual flavours and rose was one of his favourites. He remembered as a child always wanting Turkish delight when his sister insisted on caramel and big blocks of white chocolate. He wondered if Baekhyun would like a nice big bottle of homemade rose lemonade on the weekend. Or maybe he would prefer raspberry lemonade?

 

Chanyeol knew he enjoyed lemon, it was one of his favorite flavours, and was always a winner. He’d been feeling a lot better lately but Chanyeol was still constantly thinking of different things to tempt his appetite to make sure he filled his belly with all the nutrients the babies needed. As well as the vitamins, Chanyeol wanted to see him fill himself with the sugar and protein and fat that would make them come out with cutely chubby cheeks, and he wouldn’t mind a few extra kilos on Baekhyun as well. While he no longer looked fragile to the point of breakable he was still thin, his face still drawn, and his hips still bony. He’d lost the roundness of his thighs that had drawn Chanyeol like a moth to a flame that first night they went out six months ago.

 

 

He sighed as he dropped a few candied rose petals on top of the cake and he suddenly realised Kyungsoo was still watching hm. “Something on your mind?” he asked and Chanyeol nodded. “Someone. Always someone.” “Things are good though? Right? I mean, you just moved in together, aren’t you supposed to be in some kind of newly domesticated bliss?” Kyungsoo picked up a lone strawberry from the table and popped into his mouth. “When Jongin and I moved in together we did it in every room of the house,” He chewed the fruit and winked at Chanyeol with a grin, “I’ve heard about those pregnancy hormones.”

 

Chanyeol sighed heavily and turned the cake around. “Well I guess you heard wrong. We’ve had sex twice. The first time we made the babies and then once about six weeks ago. That’s it.” He watched Kyungsoos face swing from shock to surprise to pity and then quickly steel into an emotionless gaze.“Honestly, I feel awkward trying to initiate anything with him more than a hug. He’s so closed off and so insecure. And I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable or like he’s obligated. But…”

 

Chanyeol looked around before leaning in close. “He wakes up in the night Soo, and I know why, I know he wakes up hard. He thinks I don’t know but I’ve seen it. And I always hope that he might, you know, want to do something about it. But he doesn’t, he just grumbles to himself and he turns away from me.”

 

Kyungsoo didn’t know what to say so he just awkwardly turned around and pretended to need a makeup touch up. And Chanyeol finished the cake wondering why his beautiful boyfriend, who he lay next to every night, would rather turn his back than touch him. It was so confusing.

 

 

When filming was done, Chanyeol was exhausted. He practically dragged his feet as he walked out to his car with the white cake box in his hand. He was pretty sure they would be having leftover cake for dinner. He couldn’t face the kitchen after cooking all day for the show. He didn’t even call past the café. He was considering making Junmyeon a manager and hiring another staff member to help him, and maybe even a casual for the weekends, in case the babies got sick. Chanyeol wouldn’t always be able to be there anymore. He had other priorities now. He smiled to himself as he drove, thinking how nice it would be to have a few teenagers around, working a few hours on the weekend, maybe even bringing a younger clientele into the café.

 

He parked his car and rode the elevator up to the apartment and was surprised to see strangers in the elevator. He didn’t know everyone yet but he’d been coming and going enough to recognise most of the faces in the building. It wasn’t a very big building which was a part of what had appealed to Baekhyun in the first place. It didn’t have the generic facelessness of the bigger buildings in the area. It also didn’t have a gym or a pool or a rooftop garden but Baekhyun liked it here. Chanyeol listened in to their conversation inadvertently and realised it was a real estate agent showing an apartment vacant a few floors up from theirs.

 

When the doors opened on his floor he balanced the cake box on one hand and used the key with the other. He walked in and his jaw dropped. The apartment was mostly dark and he found Baekhyun waiting for him with a candlelit dinner table and the smell of garlic in the air. “I didn’t cook, you know that would have been a disaster...” Baekhyun blushed immediately and Chanyeol put the cake box down and swept him into his arms. “I thought you might be tired today..” Baekhyun’s words were muffled into Chanyeol’s chest as he squeezed the shorter man tight. “You’re so perfect,” Chanyeol said into Baekhyun’s hair as he pressed a gentle kiss on the top of his head. “I’m starving. And, luckily, I brought dessert!”

 

“I was kind of hoping we could have something else for dessert…” Baekhyun’s eyes flirted and Chanyeol almost melted. This was the Baekhyun he knew was hidden in there, he just had to work on letting him out more often.

 

 


	38. Chapter 38

 

 

 

Baekhyun was so nervous. He’d showered and made the bed up with fresh clean sheets. He’d carefully laid the dinner out on the table instead of the usual coffee table setting they’d been sticking too lately. The candles were a last minute idea, one he’d just been about to cancel, when a tired looking Chanyeol burst in through the door and into his arms.

 

“I thought you might be tired,” Baekhyun said as the huge man melted into his body. He could feel the weight of a busy day dragging him down and, even just for once, Baekhyun wanted to lighten the load. He wanted to make Chanyeol happy.

 

“You’re so perfect,” Chanyeol said into Baekhyun’s hair as he pressed a gentle kiss on the top of his head. Baekhyun felt the words sink into his brain and he hoped that he could live up to just a little of how Chanyeol saw him. “I’m starving. And, luckily, I brought dessert!”

 

“I was kind of hoping we could have something else for dessert…” Baekhyun’s eyes flirted as he felt emboldened by Chanyeol’s affection. The grin that spread across Chanyeol’s face was almost ridiculous in its happiness. Baekhyun was glad of the low light as he sank heavily into his chair. His protruding stomach was starting to get in the way of everything and he couldn’t move as close to the table as he wanted. But Chanyeol didn’t seem to care. It was amazing really, the bigger he got the hungrier Chanyeol’s eyes were, he’d just been too wrapped up in his own insecurities to notice.

 

They ate in silence for a while before Chanyeol finally broken it. “So, this is nice Baek, thank you,” he said as he finished up the food on his plate. “I wish I could cook for you,” Baekhyun said as he stared at the plate. “I wish I could do a lot of things better for you.”

 

“Enough!” Chanyeol said loudly making Baekhyun’s face snap up to meet his. “I’m sick of it Baekhyun. Stop trying to convince me you aren’t good enough.” His hands were in his hair in that action that always gave away his frustration. “I know you’ve had a hard time in the past. I know none of this is easy for you. But I don’t know how else to make you understand.” He got up and walked around to Baekhyun’s side of the table and grabbed the other man by the hand. “Stop trying to push me away Baek,” he said as he pulled him to his feet and wrapped his arms around the slightly shaking man.

 

“Talk to me,” he said as they pulled apart and Baekhyun couldn’t resist it. His walls, so tall and strong for so many years, were crumbling down around him. Chanyeol’s spirit and his gentle heart had poked and prodded at every single weakness in them, cracks appearing, forced into destruction by warm brown eyes and careful hands. “I just....” Baekhyun shoes away. His thoughts always sounded ridiculous when he said them out loud.

 

“I just feel like I can’t give you what you want.”

 

He buried his face in Chanyeol’s shirt. He knew what was coming next.

 

“Baek we’ve been over this a million times. You don’t ever even ask me what I want.” Chanyeol didn’t get angry again and he didn’t run his hands through his hair. Instead he leaned in close and pressed a gentle kiss on Baekhyun’s lips making his breath hitch in excitement.

 

“What I want is for you to stop turning away from me in the night. We share a bed Baek. I know you’re having trouble sleeping.”

 

Baekhyun blushed when he realised Chanyeol had known all along. He was stupid for trying to hide it.

 

“When I finished work today all I wanted was to see you and eat some cake. I come in and you’ve been so thoughtful, so sweet to set up this dinner, and I just want to be grateful. I don’t give a fuck that you didn’t cook.”

 

Baekhyun’s bottom lip began to tremble but he forced himself to listen. It was the only way to learn. He had to try and retrain the damaged connections that misfired in his brain.

 

“And then, god Baek, you make those flirty eyes and me and start talking about having something else for dessert and I just want to say fuck the dinner. You’re so hot I just want to push the plates off the table and throw you down on it.”

 

Baekhyun’s face turned pink. He never felt sexier than when Chanyeol stared hungrily, almost predatory, at his body. Event though he felt big and awkward and far from beautiful.

 

“Let me show you how much I love you.” Chanyeol’s voice was a choked out whisper as he pulled Baekhyun close again. He bent down and kissed him, this kiss tinted with desire and frustration, Chanyeol’s tongue sneaking into Baekhyun’s mouth.

 

He didn’t sweep the plates off the table but he did lead Baekhyun by the hand into the bedroom. Their bedroom. He laid him down on the bed and unbuttoned the loose shirt Baekhyun was wearing, covering his growing belly and the softness of his chest.

 

“Fuck,” Chanyeol groaned as he took a soft pink nipple between his lips. He licked and sucked before stopping to catch his breath as his hands continued to massage the soft flesh. He used his leg to push Baekhyun’s knees apart and, although bearing the burden of his weight on his arms, his thigh felt the hardness of Baekhyun’s erection pressed against it.

 

 

“Oh god,” Baekhyun managed to choke out between ragged breaths. “I’ve been so horny for days Chanyeol,” Baekhyun panted out as his swollen body twisted and arched under the bigger man’s touch. “I-I wanted to ask you.... but I..” “Shhhhh...” Chanyeol shushed him as he sat back and pulled off the loose pyjama pants Baekhyun was wearing. “Don’t ask me,” Chanyeol said as he smiled down at Baekhyun’s excitement, his cock red and hard, already dropping. “Just touch me. I want you to. I want you all the time...”

 

Baekhyun believed him. He really did.

 

“I feel like all I do is take,” Baekhyun gasped asChanyeol took him in his mouth. He writhed in ecstasy as Chanyeol’s hungry mouth sucked him halfway to heaven. He moaned and squirmed and felt precum drip out into Chanyeol’s mouth as his breaths got even closer together. “You’re giving me everything,” Chanyeol’s said as his lips slipped free. “Stop saying all you do is take.”

 

His ass was slippery with Chanyeol’s saliva as Baekhyun felt fingers push inside him. The pressure of his stomach became too much as he rolled on his side, Chanyeol spooning behind him, the pressure of his thick fingers making Baekhyun needy for more.

 

When Chanyeol slipped out of his clothes and moved behind him Baekhyun lay still in anticipation. His hormonal body was hot and hungered for release, for climax, he ached to be penetrated. “I-I’m sorry,” he said as he realised, once again, he’d been the greedy recipient of Chanyeol’s satisfying foreplay. “I haven’t even touched you,” “I don’t need it Bak,” Chanyeol said as Baekhyun closed his eyes and listened to the click of the lid as Chanyeol opened the lube bottle. “Just let me fuck you,”

 

Baekhyun just swallowed and nodded as he lay on his side. Chanyeol’s entrance wasn’t gentle or slow. Baekhyun could feel his hunger in his barely contained intensity. He slowed his breathing as he felt Chanyeol push all the way inside him and for a brief moment they just lay there, no one moving, no one saying a word.

 

Baekhyun could feel the whole length of Chanyeol’s warm body pressed against his back. One hand slid under him to gently fondle a nipple while the other gripped his cock still warm and slippery from Chanyeol’s mouth. The position felt amazing as Chanyeol’s hips began to grind into him from behind. Baekhyun had never felt so comfortable or aroused, or so full. He felt so full and warm, Chanyeol’s erection inside him, thrusting deep and rubbing against places he never imagined existed.

 

“I t-th-think I’m cumming already,” he stuttered out as he released into Chanyeol’s hand. He shivered and shuddered as Chanyeol thrust harder and milked every drop from his softening cock. The flood of endorphins was instant and he felt his whole body relax as Chanyeol chased his own orgasm deep into Baekhyun’s limp body. It wasn’t long before Chanyeol’s thrusts became messy, fast and hard, careless and wild and as he came he sucked hard on the soft skin of Baekhyun’s neck and shoulder.

 

He didn’t want to move and he didn’t want Chanyeol too either. Suddenly a realisation washed over him, cold and shocking, stunning him as he lay with Chanyeol still pressed along his back.

 

“ _Let_ _me show you how much I love you.”_

Love was a big word. He’d tossed it around carelessly before, casually even, maybe because he knew deep down it wasn’t real. But this was real. This was serious and tangible and so overwhelming it was almost suffocating.

 

“Chanyeol I love you,” Baekhyun said when he rolled over to face him. Huge dark eyes blinked at him a few times before a grin spread slowly across Chanyeol’s adorable face. “I love you too Baek,” Chanyeol said and Baekhyun snuggled into his chest, ignoring the sticky mess of their bodies, ignoring the dinner mess still piled all over the table, ignoring the confusion of the world outside their bedroom. None of it mattered. He drifted off into a gentle dreamless sleep and nothing, not even an uncomfortable erection, woke him until the dawn light began to creep in.

 

 

He rolled over and blinked a few times before realising he was still naked and kind of messy. His first thought was of how grossed out Chanyeol must have been, to sleep all night beside this fat, naked, disgusting man. But he reached out for the mug of cold tea he knew would be waiting and a post it note crunches under his fingers.

 

“ _Good morning gorgeous xx hope you slept well. I thought you might need to be reminded of all the things you do for me. Thanks for keeping me warm all night. Naked snuggly Baek is my favourite xx”_

Baekhyun smiled as he sipped his tea. He stood up and stretched his sore back and limbs, his naked body no longer his enemy, his round belly reflected in the mirror. He rubbed and it as he noticed another note stuck to the mirror and this one made him laugh.

 

“ _Thank_ _you_ _for making such a nice home for our babies in that cute belly!”_

He did have a habit of rubbing it while he admired it in the mirror. His feelings about his changing body ebbed and flowed but lately the demons seemed to have been vanquished by the bright light he felt inside when the babies kicked at him.

 

He walked into the bathroom with a towel over his arm and laughed loudly at the note stuck to the mirror.

 

“ _I’m_ _such a bathroom slob :-( thanks for cleaning up after me when I slosh water everywhere and spit toothpaste all over the sink”_

He showered and dressed before making his way to the kitchen. There was a lunchbox packed in the fridge and the note on top was the cutest humble brag he’d ever read.

 

“ _Thanks_ _for enjoying my delicious cooking so much. Thanks for always praising it and making those little yummy noises when you eat it xxx”_

Baekhyun shook his head and giggled a little as he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. The last note, the one stuck to the inside of the door, almost ended his constitution. He hitched his breath a little when he read it and he blinked back tears as he shoved it into his pocket.

 

“ _Thank_ _you so much for working so hard every day for our babies future. You’ve fought through so much and I can’t believe how incredibly strong you are. I can’t wait to spend every day with you and our babies enjoying the future we’re both working so hard to create. I love you.”_

Baekhyun really thought he must have done something heroic in a past life. Nothing had prepared him to accidentally fall so in love with the perfect man who somehow stumbled into his life by a miracle of fate. All he needed now was to hold his precious twins in his arms, see the look on Chanyeol’s face when he met his babies, and his perfect life would be complete.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	39. Chapter 39

 

 

He felt it before he even woke up.

 

It was Saturday morning, still dark; Baekhyun was stretched out in the bed alone. Chanyeol had hired two teenagers to work casual hours on the weekend and Junmyeon was going to be the weekend manager but he was still training them. And so, Saturday mornings were still Baekhyun’s alone.

 

Usually he didn’t mind. He’d been well for a long time now, having just passed the thirty week mark, a growth scan scheduled for thirty two weeks and his appointments with Byul now closer together as well. His mind was strong, his babies kicked him constantly, and he’d never felt happier than when Chanyeol swept him close at the end of a long day. He often joked that their hugs were at arm’s length now, his belly growing so large so quickly, the size and roundness surprising him every day. But Chanyeol loved it, he worshipped it, he liked to lay beside him in the dark and let his huge hands wander, guessing if it was his son or daughter kicking at him, whether he was feeling an arm or a leg or a foot.

 

However, before he even opened his eyes he felt it. A sharp pain ran from deep inside him, up the sides of his stomach, before stopping. Baekhyun opened his eyes and sat up in panic. Maybe it was just gas or maybe he was lying in a weird position pulling the skin or a taut muscle wrong. He rubbed his eyes and took a few deep breaths and then settled back down. He shifted onto his side, put a pillow under his stomach, and just felt himself dozing back off to sleep when he felt it again. Pain, pulling, sharp and serious. He sat up again and scrambled for his phone and dialled Chanyeol with shaking hands.

 

“Something’s wrong,” he stammered into the phone when Chanyeol picked up. “What do you mean Baek?” he heard the slight tremble in Chanyeol’s voice before repeating himself. “Somethings wrong. I’ve got pain, pulling, it’s exactly what I think contractions feel like. But it’s too early Chanyeol. It can’t be….” “I’m coming to get you,” Chanyeol said and Baekhyun could hear him clanking things around in the bakery. “It’s probably nothing, so don’t panic, but we’ll go to the hospital to make sure. Okay? I’ll be home in ten minutes.” “Ok,” Baekhyun’s voice was small.

 

He hung up from Chanyeol and, not knowing what was happening, decided to get dressed. He pulled on some comfy sweats, struggled with some socks, and brushed his teeth and washed up. By the time Chanyeol burst in through the door Baekhyun had felt the pull twice more. He wanted to fall into Chanyeol’s arms but there wasn’t time. Chanyeol took him by the hand and carefully led him out to the elevator and down to the carpark to head to the emergency room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Luckily, it wasn’t very busy. Baekhyun sat down and held his stomach as he tried to ignore how dirty the seats in the waiting room looked. He imagined the thousands of worried, sick, terrified people who had sat here before them, their own problems no lesser or greater than the one facing Baekhyun now. “We shouldn’t have to wait long,” Chanyeol said when he came back over, “There’s a doctor on duty already here.”

 

Neither of them knew what to say. Baekhyun’s past reluctance to ask for help was gone with the summer winds. He needed Chanyeol, now more than ever, and he closed his eyes and thanked whatever deity had thrown the man into his path and into his life. The silent squeeze of Chanyeol’s big hand on his gave him all the comfort he could find. He tilted his head to the side and let it rest on Chanyeol’s shoulder and tried to steady his breathing as the pain came again. “It’s all going to be fine,” Chanyeol whispered and Baekhyun desperately wanted to believe him. He needed it to be true.

 

He knew that, at thirty weeks and with healthy growth, technically his babies would be okay. But it wouldn’t be easy for them or him. He knew it was too early, they would be too small, things would be too hard. He’d seen images on tv of babies too small for the world, coddled in glass cabinets under warming lights, their eyes covered with little bandages to protect them from the glare. He’d seen them with tubes and monitors, oxygen pumping and screens beeping, making sure they were breathing and eating and living.

 

 

When he pictured his babies coming into the world he pictured screaming and blood, Chanyeol’s tears and warm blankets, eyes blinking themselves into wakeness and wonder. He never pictured cribs of plastic and tubes of oxygen. He always thought they would come into the world and straight into his arms.

 

“Baek,” Chanyeol roused him from his semi-comatose musings. The doctor was calling for them. They followed him into an examination room and Chanyeol helped him up onto the bed. The doctor asked questions and Baekhyun tried to answer through his worried distraction and his confusing emotions. After taking his blood pressure and listening to his chest and back, taking his temperature and feeling his stomach, the doctor said the words he’d been hoping for. “It’s nothing serious Mr Byun; it’s more than likely to be what we call Braxton Hicks contractions. It’s just the body preparing itself for labour. Kind of like a test run.”

 

 

The doctor smiled at Baekhyun’s visible relief. “Braxton Hicks are quite common,” the doctor continued as Baekhyun was helped off the bed by Chanyeol. “Most people don’t even feel them. They’re usually painless.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes. Nothing about this pregnancy was easy or simple or usual. He felt like anything that could happen did happen and worse than anyone had ever had it before.

 

“I’ll refer you for an early scan just to check everything is fine. You can call first thing Monday morning and they’ll let you come. My referral will be waiting there.” The doctor smiled warmly at Chanyeol. “You did the right thing bringing him though. You’re going to be a great father.” Chanyeol’s tired expression turned barely proud as he heard the words from the doctor. “If the pain gets unbearable, if you feel heavy pressure or like you need to push, if you get a stomach ache or diarrhoea, or if your water breaks come back in straight away. Don’t be scared to come and get checked out. ”Thank you,” Baekhyun smiled weakly at the doctor as they left.

 

Baekhyun sat back down on the dirty looking chairs as Chanyeol did the paperwork at the desk. He wondered how much relief had been seen in the seats, people sinking into them with a lightness in their heart, their chests now free from the constriction and torment of the unknown.

 

“Come on,” Chanyeol said as he wrapped an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder and walked him out. “I’ve got fresh made pastries waiting at the bakery. You can meet the kids I’ve hired to work casual on Saturdays, they’re really cute, Jaemin and Jeno.” Baekhyun smiled up at Chanyeol from under the man’s strong arm and broad shoulder. He felt safe here, like Chanyeol could shelter him from any storm, and like there was nowhere else he would rather be during a storm. “Okay,” he said, not even protesting about his slobby looking clothes or his unbrushed hair. He just wanted to drink tea and eat the pastries and watch the sun rise from early to mid-morning from the window of Sugar Baby.

 

That night he lay in bed unable to sleep. The pain and pulling hadn’t really stopped but it wasn’t unbearable so he did as the doctor said, took some paracetamol and tried to relax, finally drifting off into an uncomfortable and light sleep with Chanyeol’s steady snores soothing him. And for the first time in a long time, his eyes flew open at around 4 am causing him to jump up and tear into the bathroom as fast as his waddling gait could manage. His belly bulged and his thighs burned as he leaned over the toilet and retched his empty stomach.

 

But a soothing hand rubbed his back and strong arms lifted him back to his feet when he was done. A cool damp cloth somehow found its way across his face and neck and he felt a little better. “It’s back,” he mumbled sadly to Chanyeol who helped him back to bed. “Maybe it’s just a once off,” Chanyeol said as he settled as close behind Baekhyun as he could. He wrapped an arm over his love’s protruding stomach and rubbed at it gently. “Not long now guys,” he said softly as Baekhyun drifted off to sleep. “Don’t give your daddy such a hard time please.”


	40. Chapter 40

 

“You’re never at work anymore,” Baekhyun groaned as Chanyeol walked into his office. “I know you said you would be fine but I’m coming with you.” Chanyeol stared him down as he stood in the doorway of his pristine office. The office was tidy and neat and Chanyeol smiled as he remembered the first time he walked in here and sat down across the desk from the most beautiful person he’d ever laid eyes on. Who would have known less than a year later they would be here, Chanyeol all proud and happy, a small box of raspberry Danish in his hand, the receipt for a diamond banded ring in his back pocket. He really wanted to ask him before the babies were born. Now he just had to find the right time.

He knew Baekhyun was scared. He also knew he was scarred, damaged, and vulnerable. But he was also strong, powerful and resilient, and Chanyeol was ready to spend every day of the rest of their lives telling him that.

He had another surprise but this one had to wait. He hoped to have it settled before the babies were born but he was a bit worried now that they didn’t have the six to eight weeks left that he had planned.

“Come on,” he held the box out towards Baekhyun who shook his head. “I had enough trouble with the water,” he frowned. His sickness was back with a vengeance and he was as sick as he was during the first few weeks. Only now he had a big belly to deal with and getting up and down to the toilet was difficult. Chanyeol had put a big plastic bowl in the bathroom so he didn’t have to lean down and never complained when he had to wash it out for Baekhyun as he emptied his already empty stomach into it over and over again.

They drove mostly in silence. Baekhyun was worried, Chanyeol could tell, and he intermittently clutched at the sides of his stomach in pain. It made Chanyeol frown. He wanted to trust the things the doctors were telling them but something didn’t feel right. He shouldn’t be in pain like this. Chanyeol’s instinct was telling him something was wrong and the mood of dread that had settled over the vehicle as it drove across the city was palpable.

The ultrasound technician was running behind and Baekhyun felt like he was bursting. By the time they were ushered into the room he was almost in tears. He knew it wasn’t their fault but he was still annoyed, with his stress written all over his face, and his bladder fit to burst any moment. The only thing keeping him sane was Chanyeol clutching at his hand as they held on to each other like their lives depended on it.

“Baek,” Byul burst into the room just as they were helping Baekhyun up onto the examination bench. “I wanted to come and see if you were okay. I heard you were up here in A and E on the weekend?” “Braxton Hicks contractions,” Baekhyun grimaced as he clambered ungracefully up onto the bench. “Really?” she sounded surprised. “Most people don’t even feel them. And they shouldn’t be so painful.” She reached out and put her hands on his exposed stomach and frowned. “Your stomach feels very tight. Are you in pain now?” Baekhyun nodded and tears flooded his eyes as he felt the relief of someone who knew and understood. Her presence was immediately calming. “And the sickness is back as well.”

“Stay, please,” Baekhyun grabbed onto her hand and she nodded. “If that’s okay,” she said and looked over at Chanyeol. They hadn’t met before but she instantly recognised him by his stature and his gentle aura. “Nice to finally meet you Chanyeol,” she smiled and he smiled thinly in return. He was too worried to make small talk and she understood, reading their moods easily, the worry thick in the air around them.

The technician squeezed the gel and ran the wand over the huge bulge of Baekhyun’s belly. “Twin one,” the technician said, freezing the frames, measuring the limbs of the baby on screen. “A little on the small side but that’s to be expected with multiple births,” the technician checked the placenta and it all looked okay.

“Twin two is significantly smaller,” she hummed a little slowly as she moved the want around to get a better view. “I think I’ll get these scans to the obstetrician today. The placenta is also smaller and is showing signs of early degeneration.” “Byul, what does this mean?” Baekhyun began to panic and Chanyeol moved in to grip his hand. “It means that twin two isn’t growing properly Baekhyun. The obstetrician may choose to deliver them early.”

Baekhyun shook his head with tears in his eyes and Chanyeol stroked his hair. “It’s too early Chanyeol,” he said softly and Chanyeol nodded. “I know Baek. But they’re your babies. They’ll be strong little fighters just like you. Okay?”

The technician handed a hastily scrawled handwritten note to Byul who said she would go fetch the obstetrician on duty. Baekhyun and Chanyeol waited in silence both not knowing what to say. When Byul came back she was accompanied by a tall man, handsome and neat looking, dressed in a shirt and tie and white coat over the top. “I’m Doctor Shim,” he said as he held his hand out. “I’m one of the resident obstetricians here and I’m going to have a look and hopefully ease your mind a little.”

“He’s also experiencing painful contractions,” Byul interjected, “They came up to A and E on Saturday night but the GP on shift said it was just Braxton Hicks and sent them away.”

Dr Shim shook his head making his thick dark hair flop around. “These damn GPs. I wish they would just call us in….” he walked over and watched as the technician moved the wand and found twin two again. “I see,” he said softly. “And Byul also said you’re experiencing a return of your hyperemesis gravidarium as well?” Baekhyun nodded with teary eyes blinking up at the wonderfully angelic doctor. He finally felt like he’d found someone who knew what they were doing.

“The placenta doesn’t look great and twin two is significantly smaller. Baekhyun,  I’m afraid I’m going to have to admit you for bed rest. You need monitoring for nutrition and cannot get dehydrated. Bed rest may assist with the growth of twin two and also may stop the contractions. I’m worried your body is trying to go into labour early and bed rest might be enough to stop it. If you do go into labour it will be a caesarean straight away. I won’t risk the pressure of labour on you or the babies. Okay?” Baekhyun could only nod. He didn’t want to go into labour early, he didn’t want his babies born early and tiny, and he didn’t want a caesarean birth. But if those things all had to happen, he knew Chanyeol would be by his side supporting him through the whole ordeal.

“Good,” Dr Shim said as he helped Baekhyun sit up. “We’ll admit you now and monitor the situation. I’ll set up another scan for Friday and if there’s no improvement in the contractions or the growth of twin two, or if the placenta deteriorates further, then we’ll have to deliver them. But don’t get too disheartened. Every day they’re in you is another day they’re stronger.”

He looked over to Byul. “Go with him to the ward for admittance. Make sure they put Mr Byun here on routine steroids to strengthen the baby’s lungs just in case. I want him on fluids and regular obs. Strict bed rest. He can eat what he feels like but food has to be recorded so we can monitor his nutrition and make sure he’s given supplements. I want bloods taken to test his blood type and iron levels in case he needs a transfusion at some stage.”

Byul nodded and they all began to move. “What can I do?” Chanyeol asked wide-eyed. Everything he’d heard was a mess of technical terms. He was worried for Baekhyun, worried for his children, and suddenly felt very helpless. “Go home,” Byul said gently as she patted his arm. “Get his bag and pack his favourite most comfortable clothes. Bring anything else he might want, toiletries, phone charger, book. He’ll be really bored.”

“Don’t leave me,” Baekhyun clutched at his hand and Chanyeol shook his head. “I’ll be back in half an hour okay? Byul will look after you. I’ll bring your stuff back.” “Call Yixing,” Baekhyun said. “Call Jongdae as well.” “I will,” Chanyeol leaned over and kissed his forehead. “Don’t’ worry. Everything will be fine,” he whispered softly as he gently caressed the man’s cheek streaked with tears.

He held his own until he got into his car and finally he let them out. Chanyeol sat in his car in the hospital carpark and sobbed into the sleeve of his hoodie before driving to their home to pack Baekhyun’s bag. He’d told him everything would be fine, not wanting Baekhyun to worry, but he wasn’t sure if he believed his own words.

 


	41. Chapter 41

 

Yixing burst in through the door of Baekhyun’s private room in the labour ward. His arms were full of folders and papers and Baekhyun’s precious work laptop from his desk. “Are you sure you can manage this?” he said as he stared at Baekhyun’s bloated figure reclining on top of the blankets of his hospital bed. “Yixing I’m bored as fuck. I need something to do and Dr Shim said as long as I’m on this bed I can do what I want.”

 

He struggled a little more upright and pulled the table over the bed and began going through the papers in the folder. “Just man the office. Tell everyone who contacts me that I’m not taking any new clients until….” His mind calculated quickly and realised with a start how long it would be. “Shit. Six months. Okay, that’s actually good; I’ll be back in action at the start of spring. March.” He flicked through the folders on his desk. “I’m just finalising these last three. They’re important and I’m not handing them over.” Baekhyun had already stopped taking on new clients. A few he had passed on to a new up and coming planner in the city who he knew through mutual friends. These last three weddings he would finalise himself.

 

“I don’t have much to do for Byul and Yong Sun’s wedding,” he said. The date was set for exactly three weeks’ time and, Baekhyun thought to himself, at least Byul would be there for his birth before she went on leave for her honeymoon. Two weeks after that was Jongin and Kyungsoo’s wedding. Then Jongdae and Minseok’s in the first week of winter. Baekhyun was a little overwhelmed when he realised that, instead of being heavily pregnant at these events, enjoying them as he wallowed in a little early leave from work, he would be attending them as a parent. His babies would most likely arrive before any of those dates.

 

He’d pictured himself seated at the wedding table full of swollen pride and joy at Minseok and Jongdae’s wedding. He’d pictured sipping on flutes of lemonade and picking at the food while he smiled wistfully at his best friends. Now he was going to have to ask them if it was okay to bring two screaming bundles of chaos to their perfect day. It was that or leave them alone with Chanyeol and, even though they weren’t even born yet, he knew he wasn’t ready to leave them.

 

Somehow, with the excitement of Minseok and Jongdae’s wedding, the joy of Kyungsoo and Jongin’s special day approaching, and the free spirited fun of Byul and Yong Sun’s, Baekhyun realised weddings had regained their spark. Sehun and the pain of his own failed wedding were a distant memory now, the anguish and embarrassment washed clean by warmth and strength and love. He’d never known what true unconditional love looked like or felt like until Chanyeol came into his life. And he knew that the tiny demons inside him making his life hell were only going to make things better. Harder, warmer, happier, scarier. Nevertheless, they were going to make his life complete. Somehow, accidentally, Baekhyun had fallen head first into everything he ever wanted.

 

He pulled at the IV in his arm as he tried to manoeuvre the table into a better position. “Stupid thing,” he grumbled to the delight of Yixing watching him with smiling eyes. “You look great. I know you probably don’t feel the best but I’ve never seen you look happier.” Yixing had known Baekhyun a while and had seen the best and worst of him while he’d been his secretary and Baekhyun acknowledged him with a grin. “I am happy. Really happy. Now if I can just keep these little guys inside for a few more weeks I’ll be even happier.”

 

Yixing left him alone and he tapped away at his laptop. He’d hotspotted it with his phone and finalised a few last minute things, made a few phone calls, sent a few emails. He then felt suddenly tired and closed the laptop and pushed the table away. It was fine, he’d tied up a few loose ends with something, and he shifted uncomfortably in the bed as he dozed off.

 

 

Chanyeol was busy; He’d decided it was now or never in terms of letting go of the reigns a bit and had taken Junmyeon under his wing to learn the ropes. Chanyeol would still do all the baking but Junmyeon was now officially the bakery manager. He’d outsourced his bookwork to an accounting company and hired another staff member to assist Junmyeon over the lunchtime rush every day. He was happy with the boys he’d hired to work on the weekends and felt okay with the way things were working out. Sugar Baby was still his baby but he had a few more now to compete for his attention.

 

Baekhyun had begged him not to spend all day sitting in the hospital beside him and he’d acquiesced. He wanted him to rest and he wasn’t going to rest with Chanyeol pacing around bored and looking out of the window. So he finished up what he needed to at the bakery, filled a box with cupcakes, and headed out the door to visit his parents.

 

The drive did him good. He wound the window down and tried to let go of all his worries even if it was just for five minutes. The wind in his hair felt great, turning from stifling to chilly as he drove away from the heart of the city, the oxygen flooding his tired body. The bed felt empty without Baekhyun and he had, out of habit, still woken in the night to check on him even though he wasn’t there.

 

He pulled up through the gate and left his car in the middle of the gravel driveway as he jumped out with the cupcakes in hand. “Mum,” he called out when he saw her, suddenly feeling very young again, and she pulled him down into a tight hug. “How is he?” she asked and Chanyeol sniffed. “Worried,” he said. “And how are you?” she asked as they broke apart and his eyes watered again. “Terrified,” he said as she pulled him into the house.

 

“It will be fine,” she soothed as she made coffee and Chanyeol stuffed a cupcake into his mouth. “I know,” he said, “but I’m still scared. They’re going to be so small and Baek, they’re going to have to cut him open, it’s all so scary…” “I did it,” Chanyeol’s mother sipped her coffee and passed the other one over to him. “Are you forgetting you were tiny? Chanyeol you were only barely 6 pound when you were born and all those years ago medicine wasn’t even close to what it is today. I had two caesarean births and I’m fine.” She smiled as he stuffed another cupcake into his mouth. “I’ll be right there with you both the whole time. I don’t know what the deal is with his parents but I’m guessing they won’t be. And that’s okay. Because we will be.”

 

Chanyeol smiled gratefully at her and sipped his coffee. “The settlement is about to go through on the apartment,” he said. “I was hoping to have us all moved in by the time they came but I don’t think it’s going to happen now.” “It will be fine,” she smiled again. “We’re all here to help. And please call your sister. She wanted to fly home but I told her not to until we know more.” “Okay,” he said as he went for a third cupcake. His fears, while real and strong and almost overwhelming, were somehow tempered by the good sense and soft words of his family. She was right. He would be there for Baekhyun and they would be there for him and somehow they would all make it through this. Together. As a family.


	42. Chapter 42

 

 

“Hello darling,” Mrs Park crooned softly as she slipped into the hospital room. Her arms were full of bags and she began unpacking things into the small cupboard beside the bed. Baekhyun watched her hang a thick fluffy dressing gown, a thin cotton robe, many pairs of black soft looking pyjama bottoms, and some huge looking underpants.

When she saw his quizzical face she laughed. “Trust me. Those babies are going to come out and you are going to want these. They’ll hold everything in tight and it will also help with the stretchy skin and the scar from the surgery.” She began to lay tiny little onesies out on the end of his bed. “I hope you don’t mind, I went to a specialty store for these.” They were so small and Baekhyun picked one up and saw the tag. 000000 was the size and he shook a little as he realised he’d planned to bring them home in sizes 0000 which was, as far as he’d known at the time, the smallest size. “I’ve washed them so they should be okay to use straight away.” She leaned over conspiratorily in his ear and her eyes lit up as she whispered to him. “No little grandbaby of mine is going to wear the hospital clothes. Even if this is a nice hospital.”

She began to unpack tiny socks and muslin wraps and a few tiny knitted hats that looked homemade. “Thank you,” Baekhyun began to say and she immediately stopped him. “Don’t,” she said, “I should be thanking you. Those babies are a blessing and you make Chaneyol so happy.” She sat down on the end of the bed and absentmindedly played with one of the tiny baby hats. “Chanyeol’s had others before.” Her fingers ran along the finely crafted edges of the tiny white hat while she thought carefully about what she wanted to say. “I always felt like they were taking advantage of him. They all wanted something from him. His looks, his money, he’s just so kind hearted…..” Baekhyun nodded. He knew.

“Anyway he was hurt a few times, he got sick of being used, but he never closed his heart. He just guarded it a little more carefully. But the first time he met you he was giddy, like a boy again, he was just so bubbly with the excitement of meeting you. He worried that you were so together with your business and your life, and he was just a baker who lived at home with his parents, he really felt like you had it all and he had nothing to offer you. Then he found out you were already engaged. And then he heard about what happened to you and he was so mad. Not just that it was you but that anyone would do that to somebody.”

She looked over and Baekhyun was listening intently. One hand rested on his stomach as a pain shot up the side and he didn’t wince. He didn’t want to interrupt her story.

“So when he decided he wanted to pursue you, understandably, we were wary. He’s just so sweet natured and didn’t want you to use him as some sort of rebound but now here we are. Nine months later and you’ve given him everything he’s ever wanted and made him happier than I’ve ever seen.” She leaned over and kissed the surprised man on the cheek making him blush. “Thank you,” she said and he shook his head. “No, thank you, I wouldn’t be able to do this without him. Or you.”

He smiled back as they shared a silent moment of bonding over their shared love for the gentle giant of a man who meant the world to both of them.

Baekhyun stretched his legs out flat on the bed and she went to get up out of his way but he grabbed her arm. “Don’t,” he said. “In the beginning I didn’t know how Chaneyol was going to feel. I didn’t know him that well but I fought with myself. I tried to convince myself that I could do this on my own, that I didn’t need him, that he wouldn’t want this. I was so stupid. In the end I coulnd’t fight it. I do need him and I’m happy he’s in my life.”

He tried to reach for the bottle of orange juice on the table and she leaned over to pass it to him and he tossed her a grateful smile in response.

“Before I had Chanyeol no one ever really told me I was worth something. I suffered for years from a lack of self confidence. My parents aren’t very nice people and I had a hard time growing up.” He sipped his orange juice and she waited patiently for him to continue. She wasn’t going to ask about his parents. She knew he would tell them in his own time on his own terms.

“I suffered as a teenager from anxiety, an eating disorder, and when I lost so much weight peple took notice of me. They seemed to value me for the first time and it felt good even though it came from a really bad place. If ended up becoming a way of being able to control my life, my world, I was sick and struggling but all I heard were positive comments.” 

 

Tears filled his eyes and he blinked them away. “My former fiancé treated me horribly but I didn’t even realise. Or I didn’t at the time. I thought it was what I deserved. I tried so hard to have the perfect life and it was all so fake, so empty and so lonely, and it all came crashing down around me spectacularly.”

He felt another pain and winced and she rushed closer but he waved her away. “It’s fine, I’m getting used to it,” he said as he sat up a little straighter. “Anyway, I always imagined having this perfect life, and now I’m getting it. But a little out of order, a little bit backwards, but I couldn’t be happier. And Chanyeol has seen me at my absolute worst. There was no way I could fake any of this, no way I could keep up a perfect front after all the things we’ve been through, and he still loves me. I really can’t belive it.”

 

Baekhyun smiled at the thought of Chanyeol, so big and ungainly, but so soft hearted and loving. “I really do love him. And I promise you I’ll always be gentle with his heart. I’m not perfect and I can’t be perfect. It’s taken a rough pregnancy to learn that.”

 

He winced again and was just about to say more but the door flew open and Chanyeol burst in. “Am I late?” He asked looking from Baekhyun to his mother with panic written all over his face. “No,” Mrs Park said as she stood up so Chanyeol could take her place on the bed. “They haven’t come to get him yet.”

 

Baekhyun looked up at the relief on Chanyeol’s face. He reached out and grabbed his hand, impulsively bringing the knuckles to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on them. Chanyeol’s widened eyes at the sudden affection made him both warm and sad as he realised he needed to be more affectionate with the gentle man.

 

“Baekhyun?” Byul’s freshly dyed red hair poked around the door and they waved her in. Baekhyun cringed when he saw the wheelchair but he was still in pain and also felt like he’d doubled in size over the week. Chanyeol carefully helped him into the wheelchair and they headed down the corridor, Chanyeol pushing the wheelchair, his mother and the midwife keeping pace. It was time for another scan and hopefully it would be good news.

 

 


	43. Chapter 43

 

It took both Chanyeol and Byul to get Baekhyun onto the little bench. He felt like he’d laid in this room a half a hundred times. Alone, with Jongdae, with Minseok, with Chanyeol. And now, with Chanyeol on one side and his beautiful mother in law on the other, the technician squeezed the gel on his tight belly and began to move the wand.

She moved it around and began clicking to take still images as the room was filled with a heavy silence. Baekhyun was fascinated by the way they were barely moving, squashed up together now in limited space. He tried to relax, as the room was quiet, the swooshing sound of two heartbeats the only thing to break the mood. The door opened and Dr Shim walked in, Chanyeol immediately moving to introduce the tall doctor to his mother who smiled and shook her hand. “So, Mr Byun, how are you feeling today?” he asked and Baekhyun smiled a little weakly. “Tired,” he said and Dr Shim nodded sympathetically.

He moved over to the screen and began directing the technician a little as to what he was looking for and still no one spoke. Until Dr Shim turned to Baekhyun with a grim expression on his face and Baekhyun began to tremble. “I’m sorry Baekhyun. The growth of twin two hasn’t improved and I’m worried about the placenta. I’d like to deliver these babies as soon as possible.” “How soon?” Chanyeol interrupted as he grabbed Baekhyun’s hand. “Tomorrow,” Dr Shim said. “I’ll go now and make the theatre booking. Nurse, if you could take Mr Byun back to the ward, start theatre preps and give the ward staff some instructions please.”

Byul smiled gently at Baekhyun who had a few slow tears training down his cheeks. “It’s going to be fine. He’s an excellent doctor and he wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t the right thing to do.” But Baekhyun just continued to shake silently as he was helped from the bench. No one knew what to say. They just made their way back to the room.

When he was helped onto the bed Baekhyun began to ask questions. Byul assured him things would be fine. He would be awake for the surgery, he’d be able to see them when they were delivered, and Chanyeol would be able to be with him the whole time. He was to fast from midnight and the theatre had been booked for 9am. “This time tomorrow your babies will be here!” she said excitedly as she fussed around him writing in his records. “Everything will be fine. I’ll be there, Chanyeol will be there,” “I’ll be right outside,” Mrs Park interjected. “We’re all here for you Baekhyun. You aren’t alone.”

The enormity of what was happening took some time to fully sink in as he sat up in the bed. Mrs Park had insisted she take Chanyeol out to bring back some real food and Byul was gone to make more arrangements, and he was alone. But he wasn’t alone. He had so many people around him, to love him and support him, to help him and take care of him. He snuffled a little as he reached for the soft cotton robe Mrs Park had gifted him just hours before and wrapped it around his shoulders as he shivered.

He reached out and picked up the tiny baby suits and hats. They were so small. How was he going to manage something so delicate, so breakable, and something so absolutely reliant on him? How was he going to do this? Tears filled his eyes and his breathing quickened but just as he was about to crumble the door opened and Chanyeol was back. His hands were full of bags of honey chicken and fried rice and behind him were Jongdae and Minseok.

 

“Look who I found wandering around outside!” Chanyeol’s voice was too loud for the small hospital room but Jongdae’s was even louder. “Baek! Look how fat you are!” Jongdae’s hands went immediately to his friend’s tight stomach and he frowned when one twin kicked out. “They already don’t like me,” he said as he turned towards Minseok. “See. I told you they were going to hate me. Babies always hate me.” Baekhyun just shook his head and laughed. “They don’t even know you. I’m sure they’ll love you. And I’m sure the three of you will be causing all sorts of mischief soon enough.”

Chanyeol opened the containers and laid the food out in front of Baekhyun on the little hospital table. Jongdae sat on the end and began helping Baekhyun reach them and Minseok pulled the armchair closer to the bed. Chanyeol looked over at the happy little group and politely excused himself from the room. “I’ve just got to make a few phone calls,” he said as he left them to it.

“Chanyeol, is everything okay?” Jongin answered Kyungsoo’s phone. Chanyeol thought he was still out of the country but he must have just come back. “Ah yeah, kind of I guess, is Kyungsoo around? I needed to tell you guys the babies are coming tomorrow.” “Hang on,” Chanyeol head a fumbling and then he knew Jongin had put him on speakerphone.

 

“So what’s going on?” Kyungsoo sounded concerned, Chanyeol could hear it in his voice, and he held his own together as he spoke. “Twin two, the boy; gee I can’t wait to stop calling him that….” Chanyeol trailed off as he ran a hand through his hair. He was pacing outside the hospital main entrance in the early evening light and it was cool and fresh. He needed the fresh air. “Anyway, the boy, his condition hasn’t improved while Baek has been in here, so they’re coming tomorrow. At 9am. It’s early, they’re going to be so small, but the doctor seems to know what he’s doing and they said they’ll be fine.”

There was silence on the other end and Chanyeol waited. “Chanyeol, they will be fine, so will Baek.” Jongin always was the one who knew what to say. “You need to have faith in Baekhyun’s strength and yours, and that your babies will be just like you. Strong and tough and they’ll be born with so much love around them.”

 

Tears pricked at Chanyeol’s eyes. Jongin was right. He had to have faith that it would all be okay. His babies were about to be born into one of the best hospitals in the country surrounded by people who love them more than life itself.

 

“I’m going to be a Dad...” Chanyeol suddenly murmured as the reality sank in. “This time tomorrow I’ll be a Dad. I’ll have kids. Oh my god.....”

 

“Chanyeol are you okay?” Kyungsoo’s voice was concerned on the phone line but Chanyeol began to laugh. He stood outside the hospital entrance and laughed with joy as excitement built in his stomach and butterflies fluttered in his chest.

 

“They’re really coming! Tomorrow!” He said with a huge smile on his face. “They’re going to be small but strong and so beautiful. Just like Baek!” He giggled at his own joke. “Gotta go guys! I’ll call you tomorrow as soon as I have news!”

 

Chanyeol hung up the phone and took a few deep calming breaths.

 

He was about to be a father.

 

Everything was going to be fine.


	44. Chapter 44

 

When everyone had gone it was just them. Visiting hours were long past and Chanyeol knew he should leave but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“The last night,” he said dreamily as he watched Baekhyun pick at the rest of the chicken. “Yeah,” Baekhyun smiled weakly at him. “Who knew it would be this early.” “Who knew it would be this way at all,” Chanyeol replied.

He was so right.

If Baekhyun had married Sehun he wouldn’t have been here. He would have been sitting up on the couch alone waiting for a disinterested husband to stagger in during the early hours of the morning. He would be sad, lonely, jealous and suspicious. He would be convinced he deserved it, that he wasn’t worthy of an attentive loving husband, that it was his duty to work hard and pay the bills and keep his mouth shut when Sehun wanted to ‘go on tour’ or ‘have some space’.

If he had never told Chanyeol about the babies he would probably be depressed, anxiety riddled, and utterly alone. He would never have been able to rely on Minseok and Jongdae the way he’d needed Chanyeol these last few months. He’d been kidding himself when he first insisted he could do this alone. It never would have worked out.

And now here he was, instead of celebrating his first wedding anniversary by paying for an overpriced retreat for himself and Sehun, he was laid up in a hospital bed. His stomach was huge and covered with silvery stretch marks. His ankles looked like fat sausages and so did his toes. He was beyond exhausted and he had been back on the diet of raspberry Danish and honey chicken for weeks. However, the end was in sight and the hard part was really just beginning.

He looked over at Chanyeol who was sitting in the armchair staring at the tiny baby onesie in his hands. It was white with pale pink edging and tomorrow his daughter would be wearing it. Their daughter. “Chanyeol?” Baekhyun said and he saw Chanyeol look up slowly and tears fill his huge sweet eyes.

He’d been waiting for the right time and place and suddenly he could think of none better.

He put the baby onesie back onto the bed and leaned over for his backpack. He’d been carrying clean clothes and a toothbrush around for days, always ready to be by Baekhyun’s side, but there was something else in it that he needed. He rummaged around and found it in the bottom and when he pulled it out, he dropped to his knees beside the bed.

“Baek,” he began slowly at first, staring down at his hands in a sudden fit of shyness. “I know you’re scared and I know you’ve been hurt. And I know how you feel about this sort of thing. Your wound is still fresh and open and I understand completely.” He sighed as he opened the box. “But I love you. I love you so much and I just love you more and more every day. Every day you just look more wonderful and beautiful to me and the last few months have just been the happiest of my life.”

Baekhyun gasped at the inside of the box when it opened. Nestled in amongst a slew of black velvet were two matching infinity rings banded all the way around with a rainbow of stones in every colour. They were stunning and different and couldn’t have been more perfect. Baekhyun’s breath caught as he held it and waited. His hands began to shake and even a strong kick from one of the babies right into his ribs couldn’t distract him from the heavily laden emotions in Chanyeol’s eyes. He was sure his own mirrored the other mans’ as he tried to smile but it was too overwhelming.

“Baekhyun. I love you and I want to love you forever. I want to be with you forever, just you and me, and those two little terrors inside you, and maybe even a cat. A family.” A huge tear broke free as Chanyeol’s voice wavered and his hands shook. “I want to marry you. Please. I don’t need the wedding, I don’t need a fancy dinner and two hundred guests, I don’t need flowers and crystal and expensive suits, I don’t need any of that. I just need us. Together forever. Please say yes.”

He couldn’t look up. He was terrified. He wondered for a brief moment if he’d made a huge mistake, stressing Baekhyun out when he was already so stressed, adding to his problems. The light caught the beautiful rainbow rings he’d had custom made and hand crafted just for the two of them inlaid with ruby and emerald, sapphire and topaz, amethyst and diamond and surrounded with white gold. They sparkled so brightly and he hoped they weren’t going to waste.

“Dog,” Baekhyun said and Chanyeol finally looked up in confusion.

“What?”

“I’m a dog person Chanyeol. Everything you just described sounds perfect to me. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. But no cats. I want a dog.”

Baekhyun knew all this was real. It couldn’t have been any further from the false and empty love he’d created with Sehun and being left at the alter was a blessing. If he hadn’t been left then he wouldn’t be here getting everything he ever wanted fall into his lap.

It was overwhelming. Chanyeol’s love was overwhelming, it was all encompassing and above all it was healing. It was strengthening and healing and Baekhyun knew as long as they were together they could get through anything. He reached out and took Chanyeol’s hand. It was cold and shaking and his was too but as he clutched it tight, their shared warmth made the cold disappear and all they were left with was warm skin.

He looked up and realised Chanyeol was still waiting for an answer.

“Yes. I’ll marry you Chanyeol. I love you.” He tried to shuffle closer so he could hug him but he really couldn’t move. Chanyeol couldn’t help but giggle a little as he leaned over to hug the heavily pregnant man. He pressed a soft and gentle kiss on Baekhyun’s lips and then broke into a wide grin. “Really?” Chanyeol said and Baekhyun nodded and this time his grin definitely mirrored the other. “Yes. Yes I’ll marry you. I know you think I’m still hurt and I’m still scared, and I guess in some ways I am, but you’ve done so much to erase so much of my past that I was still carrying around.”

 

“You’re so perfect,” Chanyeol said as he snuggled his face into Baekhyun’s neck. “I’m far from perfect,” Baekhyun said and Chanyeol just grinned at him. “You’re perfect for me. And I’m perfect for you and you can’t argue with that, can you?”

Tears ran down Baekhyun’s cheeks and he wiped at them with the sleeves of his cotton robe. “I honestly don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t met you. I didn’t know someone could be so loving, so caring and so accepting, and so wonderful until I met you.”

Chanyeol took one of the rings out and slipped it onto Baekhyun’s finger. He then took the other and put it on himself and smiled widely. “Yes!” he said a little too loudly before covering his mouth and looking around. “How long have you been carrying those around?” Baekhyun chuckled at the man’s childlike excitement. He didn’t know he could keep such a good secret. “Weeks,” Chanyeol said as he grabbed for Baekhyun’s hand and clasped them together turning them in the light so their rainbow rings glittered and sparkled. “I was waiting for the perfect moment but every moment we’re together is perfect. I don’t know why I waited.” Chanyeol’s smile was so wide it was almost crazy looking and Baekhyun found it irresistible. Happiness swirled in his stomach and chest and, despite his huge swollen stomach, he felt lighter than ever before. Like a huge weight had been lifted from him. Like he’d finally found true happiness in letting himself be loved and giving the love back he had inside.


	45. Chapter 45

 

“Do you think they’ve forgotten I’m here?” Chanyeol said as he pulled the chair over and laid his head down on the bed. “I hope so,” Baekhyun murmured as he carded his fingers through Chanyeol’s soft dark curls. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.” He closed his eyes, exhaustion finally winning over, and the next thing he heard was the opening of the door at 7am.

“Baek?” Byul called out and he opened his eyes. Chanyeol was asleep in the chair, his head lolling back, looking awfully uncomfortable. But their hands were still tightly clasped and he realised through his haze Chanyeol had slept all night beside him in the chair.

“No breakfast unfortunately but you can have a shower,” Byun said softly as she walked in and picked up his chart and began taking his blood pressure. “I can help you if you need. But we need to be ready by 8:30am.” “I’ll help him,” Chanyeol was instantly awake at the insinuation that Baekhyun needed something.

By the time it hit 8:30am Mrs Park had arrived. Her husband insisted it wasn’t his thing and would come as soon as they were born. Minseok and Jongdae were waiting for a phone call as were Jongin and Kyungsoo. Baekhyun sat shivering in his hospital gown in the wheelchair as he was pushed though back corridors of the hospital to the theatre. When they reached the double doors Mrs Park hugged her son and then she leaned down and hugged Baekhyun as well. “Are you sure you don’t want me to call someone?” she asked and he just shook his head. He had everyone he needed. He smiled a little as Byul took Chanyeol away to get him a gown and hat so he could go into the theatre as well.

“Here,” Baekhyun said as he handed his ring over to Mrs Park. “I need you to look after something for me please.” He knew he wasn’t allowed to wear it in the theatre but he hadn’t wanted to let go of it until the last minute. “Is this….” Her voice trailed off and he smiled softly and she smiled too. “He was so excited to have these made you know,” she said as she turned the ring over in her hands. “He said you deserved something different. Something special that was unlike anything anyone else had.” She unclipped her necklace and strung the ring onto the chain before clasping it again. “I’ll give it straight back when you’re done.”

Chanyeol walked towards them dressed in a blue linen gown and a funny puffy hat. “You look like a baker,” Baekhyun began to laugh. “I AM a baker!” Chanyeol laughed as well and Mrs Park smiled to see their excitement had replaced the tension and worry of the last few weeks. “I’ll be right here,” she said as Byul took them into the theatre where Dr Shim was waiting. “This is Dr Jung, he’s the best paediatrician in the city, he’s going to be assisting me today and checking on the babies when they’re born.”

“Right,” the man said as they put Baekhyun onto the table on his side, “ready to become parents?” Baekhyun closed his eyes as he was injected with a local anaesthetic near his spine and squeezed Chanyeol’s hand as the epidural was put in. “You’ll probably feel really cold,” Byul warned him and he nodded as he was moved back onto his back and a sheet was raised blocking his view. He couldn’t feel a thing below the waist, not cold, not pain, nothing. He wondered if he would ever be able to walk again and tried not to let panic sink in. He’d been offered a calmative but had refused it and now he was regretting his decision. But his babies were coming and he wanted to be alert and ready to greet them into the world.

“It’s all going to be fine,” Chanyeol said as he leaned his head near Baekhyun’s. The whole thing didn’t take nearly as long as either of them expected. There was no pain but a very strange tugging and pulling sensation and suddenly a loud cry echoed around the room. “She’s here,” Dr Shim announced as Byul put the baby onto Baekhyun’s chest. She was tiny, like a little bird, and her head was covered with a thick mop of dark curly hair. “She’s exactly like I dreamed,” Chanyeol said with wonder as he looked down at her. She screamed loudly and they both smiled through their tears. She was strong. They could tell.

Byul took her away and handed her to Dr Jung and they didn’t have time to wonder where she went. More pulling and tugging and then silence. “Nurse,” Dr Shim called Byul over and no one spoke. “What’s happening?” Baekhyun whispered and Chanyeol shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said and Baekhyun began to tremble. He felt strange, empty and cold, and suddenly very afraid. He heard the strong squall of his daughter from the other side of the room, and nothing else, and his eyes silently implored Chanyeol to find out what was happening.

Chanyeol leaned around the screen and saw them bent over the little table. A heat lamp beat down on the cloth-covered bed and Dr Jung and Byul were furiously working on the tiny baby. And then it happened. A cry, so tiny it was almost imperceptible, then another. Dr Jung lifted him proudly and brought him over to lay on his Dad’s chest and Baekhyun began to cry. “He’s fine. He just needed some suction, he had a lot of mucus in his nose and throat, but he’s fine.” 

 

He was so small. Even smaller than his sister and so delicate looking. His skin was almost translucent and his head had a fine layer of soft dark hair. As did his shoulders and back. “Is he supposed to be hairy?” Baekhyun whispered through his tears and Chanyeol laughed loudly. “It’s normal,” Byul said as she brought the little girl over and laid her next to her brother. “Especially when babies are early.”

And then they were gone. Chanyeol stayed with Baekhyun while he was stitched closed, put back together, and finally he was able to be moved to recovery. The babies were now dried and nappied and nestled inside little glass cribs with bright lights beating down on them and tiny little sunglasses covering their eyes. Byul pushed one and Dr Jung pushed the other and Chanyeol pushed Baekhyun in his wheelchair out into the waiting area.

“They’re so small,” Mrs Park said wistfully, “and just like you when you were that age.” “When can we hold them?” Mr Park asked eagerly, surprising his son, Chanyeol hadn’t known his Dad to be interested in babies so much. “Not for a little while yet,” Dr Jung said. “They’re very small and will need to be in the incubators for a while but they’re both strong and breathing on their own. That’s a good sign for them.”

Mrs Park took some photos and then the babies were whisked away into the special care nursery and Baekhyun was taken back to his room.

“I want my babies,” he said sadly and Chanyeol pouted. “I know,” he said. “But you need to eat and rest and then we’ll go see them. Okay?” “Okay,” Baekhyun nodded. He ate a little of the sandwich Mrs Park had brought with her and was suddenly ravenous. It was amazing, like flicking a switch, the constant nausea of the last eight months gone, vanished from his body with the babies.

 

“I want to see them,” Baekhyun murmured as Byul hooked him up to an IV of fluids and gave him a shot of pain relief. Minutes later he was fast asleep and Byul smiled at Chanyeol’s worries expression. “He needs to rest,” she said as he led Chanyeol from the room. She left him standing by the window of the special care nursery watching his tiny son and daughter from behind the glass.

 

He was a Dad.


	46. Chapter 46

 

For the first few seconds he panicked. He couldn’t move his legs. Then he stretched them and breathed a sigh of relief as they lengthened and moved and he sat up with a wince. The pain was bearable but sharp and he looked around to see no one. He was alone.

He pressed his buzzer and a nurse came in, unfamiliar but smiling, and he croaked out through chapped lips. “Where is everyone?” he asked and she grinned widely. “Your husband hasn’t stopped walking the floor between here and the nursery. He’s quite smitten with the little babies.” The door flew open behind her and he was inside, a whirlwind of excitement and concern, taking up half the room with his arms and legs. 

 

“Baek! Sorry! I should have been here when you woke up but I just checked in here like five minutes ago and then I was worried I wasn’t watching them and I didn’t know what to do I was only gone from here for like five minutes.” “Chanyeol, breathe, please…” Baekhyun giggled as he watched the man panic. “It’s fine. I’m fine.” He tried to move a bit and winced again and the nurse left for more pain relief as Chanyeol tried to help Baekhyun sit up better. “I want to see them,” Baekhyun said and Chanyeol nodded. “I knew you would. They look so small but they look so real and so strong Baek. They’re really here!” Baekhyun nodded and then laughed loudly again. He didn’t know if it was the pain medication, the endorphins, or the excitement of it all but he had never felt more amazing. He was sore, rumpled, and still a little hazy. However, something inside him was bursting to life with more warmth and happiness than he’d ever felt.

“He wants to go to the nursery,” Chanyeol said as soon as the ward nurse came back. She handed Baekhyun two pills and a cup of water and waited while he swallowed them. “You need to rest, I don’t want those stitches coming undone,” she said but she still fetched a wheelchair for them so Baekhyun could go to the nursery. Chanyeol helped him into it and he only then realised he was still barely dressed in a gown. “Can I shower later?” he whispered and the nurse nodded. “Of course. With help.” He already hated that phrase.

When they arrived at the nursery, a dark haired midwife met them at the door. “Sanitiser,” she said when she opened it to let them in and they both pumped liberally from the bottle of cold clear gel at the door. “Hi, I’m Hye Jin and I’m guessing these little guys belong to you.” Her smile was warm and she let Chanyeol push Baekhyun’s wheelchair right up to the first crib. “You’ll be able to hold them soon, I promise, but today this will have to do.” 

 

She was apologetic about the situation but it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Baekhyun slid his hand into the crib and stroked his daughter’s hair and rubbed her little hand and her little tummy. “What are all the wires?’ he asked and Hye Jin pointed out all the stats being monitored on screens. “I thought they were breathing on their own?” Chanyeol’s teeth chewed at his bottom lip with concern but Hye Jin explained the tubes taped to their faces under their nostrils were just giving oxygen. 

 

“They’re strong for being so small,” she said and opened the other crib so Baekhyun could reach in and feel the warm skin of his son. “He’s so tiny,” Baekhyun murmured in wonder. “Look who’s talking,” Chanyeol scoffed and his eyes sparkled with mischief. “At least you aren’t the smallest person in the family anymore.” Baekhyun tried to kick out at him but Chanyeol dodged and Baekhyun winced and Hye Jin frowned at them both. “If he pulls those stitches I’m banning you,” she said firmly and Chanyeol blushed, suitably chastised.

“When will I be able to hold them?” Baekhyun asked. He felt tired again and knew he would have to sleep soon. He’d lost all sense of time and looked around for a clock, finding one on the wall, gasping with shock. “1am? What?” Chanyeol began laughing loudly again to the obvious dismay of Hye Jin. “It’s 1 in the afternoon Baek. They’re only a few hours old.” “Yes,” Hye Jin said as she made obvious movements indicating their time was up. “Go eat and get some rest because I’m coming in at 3 to show you how to pump.” “Pump?” Baekhyun looked baffled and side eyed Chanyeol who shrugged. “Use a breast pump,” Hye Jin said with thinly veiled patience. “They won’t be able to feed properly for a while but they need your milk. It’s the best thing for them, especially since they’re so small, and we’ll get you to pump and then tube feed it to them until they’re stronger.”

They bid a longing farewell to their babies and Chanyeol took Baekhyun back to his room. “I felt like I was asleep for hours..” Baekhyun said as his head fogged over and cleared again. The painkillers were making him drowsy but he knew he had to eat. “Why did I never consider I was going to have to breastfeed?” Chanyeol shrugged again but he suddenly got another mischievous twinkle in his eye as he stopped and looked down at Baekhyun. “What?”

“I guess we really did spend so much time worrying about the pregnancy we kind of didn’t think this far ahead,” Baekhyun said as Chanyeol helped him into the bed. He picked at the crappy hospital lunch but shook his head when Chanyeol wanted to go out and get him something else. “No, don’t leave me,” he whined, feeling suddenly tired and fragile in the bed, wanting comfort and reassurance. He held his arms out and Chanyeol leaned towards him, afraid of hurting his stitches, not willing to leave his arms empty. He cuddled him carefully and stroked his hair as the exhausted man fell slowly into a fitful sleep.

Chanyeol’s phone rang and he walked out into the corridor to accept it. “Hey Mum,” he said brightly when he answered. “How is he?” she asked and Chanyeol smiled to himself even though she couldn’t see it. He always smiled when he thought of Baekhyun. “Tired, sore, happy,” he said as he walked outside to get some fresh air. “He wants to hold them but he can’t and the midwife says she needs to show him how to pump his milk which is obviously terrifying.” He listened to the soft sound of his mother’s laughter and felt at ease. “It will be fine,” she soothed. “We’ll come back at dinner time and bring food. But I need the details for the birth announcement. If we submit it today it will be in the papers tomorrow.”

 “Okay,” he said, “I’ve got them here...” he rumpled the paper he’d written on in haste with the details of their weights and times.

 

“Park Hayoon, born 30th March at 9:21am, 3 pounds 11 ounces.”

 

He turned the paper over and read the other side.

 

“Park Minjoon, born 30th March at 9:24am, 3 pounds 1 ounce.”

They’d had the names picked forever but he’d been to scared to say them aloud. But now, with their tiny bodies wriggling and their little chests swelling with oxygen he finally felt like they were really here and it was safe to announce it to the world.

 

“Chanyeol, they’re beautiful,” his mother said and silence hung between them.

 

“Minjoon means humble, hardworking and handsome. And he will be. And Hayoon means pleasant and pretty.”

 

He walked around, said goodbye, and was just about to go inside when he saw them coming with arms full of so many presents they could barely walk. Chanyeol began to laugh. He could always rely on Jongin and Kyungsoo to be a little too extra.

 

“How are they?” Kyungsoo asked from behind his pile of boxes and Chanyeol sighed heavily with a wide smile. “Everyone’s fine.”


	47. Chapter 47

 

 

“Baek?” Chanyeol said softly as he walked in. “Are you okay for visitors?” Baekhyun shifted on the bed a little higher and nodded as Jongin and Kyungsoo walked in. He had been hoping it was his friends, Jongdae and Minseok, but they were coming later. “Hi,” Jongin was so softly spoken and almost reverent in his greeting, walking in with a big GUCCI bag on his arm. He held it out and Baekhyun made the appropriate noises of gratitude although he didn’t know why babies would need such expensive clothes. They were only going to throw up on them. The second bag was much more interesting as he appreciated the luxury GUCCI baby bag. “Thank you guys so much,” Baekhyun said as he looked at all the things in the other bags. “You should have had a baby shower,” Kyungsoo said as he put a container onto the small table next to the bed.

Baekhyun hadn’t even considered it. He was too busy making it out of his pregnancy alive. He held his hand out for the container and when Chanyeol passed it to him he smiled at the delicious slivers of cold chicken salad with lots of greens and walnuts. A few weeks ago he would have gagged. Now he couldn’t wait. He was just grabbing a fork when the door opened it Hyejin walked in dragging an ominous looking contraption behind her. “Time to learn to pump,” she said to the slightly horrified faces of both Jongin and Kyungsoo and Chanyeol came to their rescue. “Come see the babies and then I’ll walk you guys out.”

 

 

 

“So,” Kyungsoo said as soon as they were out of earshot. “How is he really?” “Brave,” Chanyeol mused as he led them to the big window of the special care nursery. “I’m really stunned. He’s managed everything so far, and he’s so strong, and just doing really well.” “That’s good,” Kyungsoo said and Jongin leaned closer to Chanyeol and put a hand on his shoulder. “Just watch him Chanyeol,” he said as they looked through the window. “Giving birth puts you on a natural high and when those hormones drop it can go to shit really quickly.” Chanyeol turned from the window to stare at Jongin who shrugged. “What? My sister had kids. I’ve seen this before.”

“Aren’t they beautiful?” Chanyeol cooed while he stared in at his babies. They were still only six hours old and their little chests pumped up and down as they sucked in oxygen. “Yeah,” Kyungsoo said as he watched Chanyeol watching them. “They really are cute… I guess….” Jongin shot him a dirty look but Chanyeol didn’t even notice. He was too besotted to look away.

“So,” Hyejin said as she put the pump by the bed and plugged it in, “your babies are premature which means they need your breast milk. It’s the perfect food for them and your body will produce as much of it as needed as long as you eat well and rest and pump.” She leaned behind Baekhyun and pulled the string of his gown loose and before he knew what was happening he was bare chested. She unceremoniously stuck the pumps onto his chest and flicked a switch and the machine whirred noisily into life. 

 

“Ah…” he gasped at the shock. “It kind of hurts..” he said and felt a sharp pain in his stomach. “Ow! What’s that?” he gasped as his stomach contracted even tighter. “It’s the suction. It contracts everything. It’s good for your recovery,” she said coldly as she stared at the plastic bottles hanging off his nipples. Tears filled Baekhyun’s eyes as the machine hummed loudly and every part of his body felt like it was being squeezed tight and painful. “It hurts,” he murmured softly and bit his bottom lip and Hyejin stared at him a little curiously. “Get used to it,” she said as she turned the machine up a level. “Breast milk is best and they need it to grow up healthy and strong.”

To his extreme surprise, a little fluid began filling the bottles. It wasn’t white, it was clear and strangely viscous, and Hye Jin eyed it critically. “Good,” she said and Baekhyun frowned. “Isn’t it supposed to be milk?” “That’s called colostrum. It comes before the milk and it’s specially designed for the first days of a baby’s life. You need to trust your body. It grew them perfectly and now it’s going to provide all their needs for the next year of their lives. I’ll be back in a minute,” she said as she turned on her heels and walked out.

Baekhyun sniffed. Everything hurt. His nipples felt like they were caught in a vice and his stomach contracted sharply every five seconds. The tiny drips of clear fluid filling the bottles was barely enough to wet the bottom and he felt stupid for not knowing all this was going to happen. When Chanyeol opened the door he found Baekhyun shirtless and sad, his face twisted in pain and despair, hooked up to a machine that sounded like the big electric mixer he used at the bakery. He knew he shouldn’t but he began to laugh and that just made Baekhyun frown more. “Don’t,” Baekhyun whined and Chanyeol giggled louder. “Come on, if it was the other way around you would be dying of laughter,” Chanyeol said and Baekhyun knew it was true.

“It hurts,” Baekhyun said just as Hyejin came back in and Chanyeol accosted her immediately. “It’s hurting him,” he said and she just shrugged. “It will hurt at first but he needs to persist. His nipples will get tougher and he’ll get used to it.” She turned the machine off and took the parts and attachments from Baekhyun’s body. “More would have been better,” she mumbled as she inspected the meagre contents of each collection bottle. “It will have to do. I’m going to feed this to them and I’ll be back to help you pump again in two hours before I go home.”

“I hate her,” Baekhyun hissed under his breath and Chanyeol nodded his agreement. He helped Baekhyun do the gown up just in time as the door flew open again and Minseok and Jongdae were in the room in a flurry of excited hugs and squeals. “Careful of his stitches!” Chanyeol said as Jongdae pushed him out of the way to hug his friend and the room was filled with happy joyous chatter. “You look tired, he looks tired Chanyeol,” Jongdae scowled and Minseok laughed. “He just had two babies and major surgery this morning,” Minseok laughed. “Give them a break Dae!”

“Do you want to see them?” Chanyeol asked and Baekhyun brightened immediately. “I want to see them,” he said and Chanyeol helped him into the wheelchair. They made their way down the corridor to peer through the window of the nursery where Hyejin was slowly feeding Minjoon the colostrum with a syringe through a long tube into his stomach.

“They’re wonderful Baek!” Jongdae’s eyes were shining and, for the first time ever, no one had to ask him to use his inside voice. The four stared in quiet wonder as they watched both twins fed the clear life-giving fluid from the syringe as they squirmed in their little brightly lit warm beds.

Finally, after a lot of talking and some half-stale cafeteria cakes, Jongdae and Minseok left and Chanyeol walked them out. He returned a few minutes later with his parents and Baekhyun sighed. He was so tired. He ate the rest of his salad Kyungsoo made and let Chanyeol help him shower and when he was dressed in some real clothes, he felt a lot better. He was just about to try and close his eyes when Hyejin was back with the pump and he shuddered in fear. It was fast becoming his enemy. 

 

“Every two hours,” she said firmly as she began to pull at Baekhyun’s clothing and Chanyeol’s dad suggested he go and buy everyone coffee and disappeared out the door. “Every two hours?” Baekhyun groaned and she nodded. “I’m about to finish my shift but I’m leaving a note for the next nurse to make sure she wakes you in the night. We need the milk to come in and the only way is to pump.”

“That’s hurting him,” Chanyeol’s mum hissed quietly as she watched the nurse poke and prod at the tired man. “And every two hours seems a lot. He needs to rest.” “They’re the experts,” Chanyeol said as they watched Baekhyun wince in pain. He didn’t know what he could do to help.


	48. Chapter 48

 

 

“Hi,” a bright and cheerful face appeared in the doorway. “I’m Wheein and I’m on the night shift tonight.” The tiny blond midwife wandered in slowly and Chanyeol and his parents made space for her at the end of the bed. “I see Hyejin had left the ‘beast’ in here already for you.” She eyed the huge breast pump critically and checked Baekhyun’s chart. “Have you eaten?” she asked and he nodded. “Yeah our friend is a chef. No hospital food for me,” he smiled weakly but he thought fondly of the cooler bag in the corner filled with Kyungsoo’s delicious hearty frozen meals packed into containers.

“Let me see,” she eyed the people present and her face sparkled with delight. “Proud Grandma and Grandpa right here.” Her eyes flickered over the faces of Chanyeol’s parents and over to him, tall and awkward, taking up too much space in the corner. “And you must be the father. You’ve got ‘new Dad’ written all over your face.” He nodded shyly in the face of this delightful charisma and she moved over to check the chart. “Wow,” she said as she flicked through his medical records almost like a novel hanging heavy on the clipboard. “You’ve been through a lot Mr Byun. And still a long way to go but we’re all here to help you as much as we can. Okay?” she leaned over and patted his leg near his ankle and promptly disappeared from the room.

“She seems sweet,” Mrs Park said and Chanyeol nodded. “We should go,” Mr Park said and Chanyeol walked them out of the room past the nursery where they could see Wheein inside checking out the babies. “At least you guys might have a better night than afternoon,” Mrs Park said and Chanyeol nodded. He liked this one a lot more than the other.

When he returned to the room Baekhyun was sitting up in bed as Wheein fussed around him with some more equipment. “I’m just putting another IV drip in. He should have been on one for 24 hours after surgery and I don’t know why one wasn’t maintained today,” she said as she fussed around Baekhyun like a bee on a flower. “Especially if Hyejin is insisting on you pumping every two hours. You need as much fluid in you as possible.” She smiled sympathetically at Baekhyun as she fixed the tube into his arm and the saline began to drip.

“So how did you go on the pump today?” she asked and Baekhyun gritted his teeth. “Fine,” he said. He knew it was what he had to do and he was determined to be the best Dad he could be. He would give his tiny babies everything, anything he could do to help them fight, and wasn’t going to back down from his responsibilities. 

 

Wheein gave him a look which was determined and Baekhyun wondered how transparent he was. He felt like she could see right through him. “He hated it,” Chanyeol said. He couldn’t help but butt in. “He’d only been awake from surgery for a few hours and she just put it on him and it really hurt him.” Wheein turned to Chanyeol and nodded. “Okay. It’s not supposed to be that bad. I’m going to try and help you with that and make things easier.” She winked at Baekhyun as she tucked the blanket back around him. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun hissed as the tall man blushed. “What?” he replied. “It did hurt and that other nurse isn’t very nice. You can’t put so much pressure on yourself Baek.” Chanyeol checked his watch. It was almost 8pm and the babies weren’t even twelve hours old yet. “I know you have this thing about being perfect and doing everything right but now is the time to learn to let it go. And I’ll stand by you, no matter how bad you feel you are doing, and I’ll be right here to tell you you’re doing amazing. Because you are. And you will. And you aren’t alone.”

Tears filled Baekhyun’s eyes. He was beyond exhausted, aching in places he never knew existed, and somehow Chanyeol always seemed to know just what to say to make him feel better. He closed his eyes just in time to feel lips on his, soft and gentle, barely even a whisper of a kiss. It was careful and loving and reassuring and just what Baekhyun needed. He smiled as Chanyeol pulled away and Wheein arrived in the room with her arms full of things.

 

“Sorry,” she said, aware she was interrupting a moment but she had a job to do and they all knew it. “This should be less painful,” she put a small handheld pump on the table along with some washcloths and a tube of cream. “Wet the cloths with warm water and help him place them on his breasts before pumping,” Chanyeol looked around before realising she was talking to him. “You put this on and then squeeze here,” it had a trigger like a spray bottle and Baekhyun watched her work it with one hand, “pump it slowly at first. Going too hard and hurting is going to make you tense which is going to make it harder.” She checked the IV before moving to the door. “When you’re done you can come into the nursery and feed it to them if you want.” Baekhyun nodded briskly and immediately. He did want that very much.

 

“I’ll come back in half an hour and check on you so you can have some privacy. If you have any problems or want help just buzz for me.” And she was gone.

 

Chanyeol fussed with the warm cloth ecstatic to finally have something he could do. He helped Baekhyun bare his chest, he put pillows behind him, he filled his cup with water. He watched on with concern as Baekhyun worked the small handheld pump and stroked his hair soothingly as his face twisted and scrunched and began to relax. And they both watched on in fascination as the clear fluid began to leak out into the bottle in a slow and steady drip.

 

“It’s working,” Baekhyun said and burst into tears. “I know baby,” Chanyeol said softly as he settled a little closer. “You’re doing amazing. I’m so proud of you.”

 

Perfection might be unattainable but no one could tell Baekhyun that. In that moment, his body screaming silently in so many ways, his heart achingly full in a way he’d never felt before - he felt perfect. He felt loved and strong and vulnerable and completely, utterly perfect. He felt like he could do anything he put his mind to.

 

When Wheein returned half an hour later she found Baekhyun almost asleep, Chanyeol shovelling Baekhyun’s leftover dinner into his mouth and the pump on the table with more than an inch in the bottom.

 

“Well done!” She glowed with enthusiasm and Baekhyun basked in her approval. “Was this pump better?” She asked and Baekhyun nodded. The fluids and the warm cloths, the soothing nipple balm, the tantalising promise of seeing his babies. Even the sight of Chanyeol, starving and exhausted, but still to attentive. It all helped. It was all better.

 

Chanyeol pushed Baekhyun in the wheelchair and Wheein hooked up the feeding tubes. Chanyeol sat by one crib, syringe in hand, slowly pushing the colostrum into his daughter drop by drop. And Baekhyun sat on the other side under the fluttering watchfulness of Wheein feeding his son the same way. 

 

It was pure perfection.


	49. Chapter 49

 

When Baekhyun woke, it was 7:30am. He was surprised to see the time, he’d last pumped at midnight, and he must have slept through. He began to shift in the bed and the door opened right on cue. “Good morning,” Wheein smiled at him and he smiled back. She’d been nothing but a blessing last night and the night before. While Hyejin would come in during the day every two hours, poke and prod at him, pulling at his clothes and frowning at his actions Wheein was much more gentle. “Don’t tell Hyejin,” she winked at Baekhyun as she put a hot cup of tea down in front of him and handed him the pump. “I couldn’t bear to wake you last night. You haven’t slept properly in days.”

It was the third day and Baekhyun’s life had become a blur of pump, sleep, eat and pump. He was done with the IV fluids and his wound was clean and healing well. His stitches hadn’t come undone and his dressings were being changed less regularly too. He sipped gratefully at the hot tea and remembered a time when a hot cup of Earl Grey saved his life as he nestled sadly in the couch at Sugar Baby and lost himself in chocolate cake and misery. “Where’s Chanyeol?” he asked as he looked around at the otherwise empty room. “I made him go last night. He needed to sleep in a bed and take a shower, he didn’t want too, but when I told him I wasn’t waking you he let me shove him out the door.” Her eyes danced with delight and Baekhyun had to giggle at the image of this tiny little blond midwife with her easy assertiveness hustling Chanyeol out the door.

He sighed heavily and undid the buttons on his nightshirt. He felt hot and heavy in his chest when he fixed the pump in place. He didn’t bother with the warm cloths himself, he couldn’t be bothered getting up, and he didn’t want to ask Wheein when he knew she had enough to do already. He gritted his teeth as he began to work the pump slowly and relaxed into the feeling. He was getting used to it but it was still uncomfortable. He closed his eyes and thought of his babies, still tiny and helpless, and squeezed the pump a little harder.  A strange feeling ran through his chest and down to his nipples, like a tingling of electricity, and when he opened his eyes and looked down he began to cry. Tears streamed down his cheeks as a slow drip of white milk began to cover the bottom of the pump bottle. He was doing it. He was making milk.

Wheein turned around and squealed when she saw Baekhyun’s tears. “Well done!” she said as she patted him affectionately on the shoulder, “I knew you could do it. You just needed a bit of extra rest and for nature to take its course.” She wrote some notes on his chart before leaving to attend to her other patients and she was only gone for minute before the door opened again. “Shit,” Chanyeol said when he saw Baekhyun awake, “I tried to get back before you woke up but traffic was a bitch…” his words trailed off when his eyes went from Baekhyun’s tears to the pump and back up. “Baek, are you okay?” 

 

Baekhyun sniffled as he worked the pump and Chanyeol couldn’t help it. He began to laugh and Baekhyun began to laugh too and soon they were both hysterical. “I don’t know why I’m crying,” Baekhyun giggled and sobbed at the same time and Chanyeol walked over sat beside him. “I don’t know either,” he said as he put a paper bag on the table by the bed. “I went in to the bakery,” he said as he blushed. “I know I was supposed to sleep but I’ve set Junmyeon and the guys up now with enough product for two more days.” “Okay,” Baekhyun said as he switched the pump over to the other side. 

 

His mouth gaped a little as he saw the wet patch already formed on his pyjama top and he didn’t miss the flicker in Chanyeol’s eyes either. “Maybe you should go home and sleep this afternoon,” Chanyeol went to protest but Baekhyun shut his words down immediately. “No, seriously, all I’m doing is laying around here anyway, and I kind of need some things washed so if you could do that as well..” Baekhyun hated to ask for things but Chanyeol immediately jumped up and began to pile the clothing in the corner into bags to take home. “Anything else you need? Just ask please. I know you don’t like to ask but I really need to feel useful.” 

 

Baekhyun eyed his fiancé as he pumped the other side. His eyes were so dark underneath, his skin pale and his hair rumpled where he’d showered and left the house without drying it properly. Baekhyun thought he’d never ever looked more beautiful. “I just need hugs. And food,” he said as he remembered the bag and opened it to find a whole stack of fresh savoury Danish. Ham and cheese, sundried tomato and fetta, and one filled with apricot, walnuts and camembert. “Oh my god,” Baekhyun moaned as he stuffed the pastry into his mouth with his free hand. “These are so good Yeol.”

Wheein came back and collected the milk. “Hyejin’s shifts are finished,” she said as she busied herself with checking Baekhyun’s stitches again. “Byul will be here today.” Baekhyun thought her leave had already started but he must have been wrong. He was excited to see her and he looked over at Chanyeol dozing in the chair. “Byul will be here, so why don’t you go home for a while?” he said as Chanyeol sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Maybe a bit later,” he said as he rubbed his burning eyes and promptly closed them again. “He’s right,” Wheein poked him in the shoulder, “you’ll have plenty more sleepless nights to come. You’ll be home soon enough with two newborns and you’ll remember this day and wonder why you didn’t sleep when you could have.”

“Hi,” a cheery voice and a swathe of red hair breezed into the room and Baekhyun was overjoyed to see Byul. “Hi,” he said as she leaned over and rubbed his hair. “I heard about you, Mr Milk Machine,” she said with a grin and Chanyeol burst out laughing. “Weren’t you leaving?” Baekhyun scowled and tears filled his eyes again. He didn’t even know why and tried to blink them away before Chanyeol noticed and panicked. “He can’t leave,” Byul said as Wheein handed over the chart for her to check. “You’re going to hold your babies this morning.”

Baekhyun’s mouth dropped open and the tears ran hot and free again. “Really?” he asked and she nodded. “Yeah really. It’s good for them. They are small but strong and they need skin on skin contact. It will help with your milk production and it will help you bond with them.” Baekhyun’s tears didn’t seem so silly when he looked over and saw them reflected on Chanyeol’s cheeks. “Shit,” Chanyeol swore as he wiped his face with his sleeve. “It’s contagious,” he smiled weakly. “Baek, you’re so lucky, I can’t believe you’re going to hold them.” “Well don’t get too jealous because you are too,” Byul smirked and Chanyeol’s jaw dropped open. “Me? How? I mean, they’re so small, and I’m pretty clumsily, like are you sure?” Baekhyun could see his hands shaking on the arm of the chair and he leaned over and grabbed his hand. “You’ll be fine,” he said and Chanyeol nodded as he swallowed thickly. He would definitely give it a go. He’d do anything for his family.

 

 

“Shirt off,” Byul said and Chanyeol eyed her suspiciously. “Really?” He asked and she nodded. “Yes really.” He slipped out of his tshirt and Byul opened the side of the crib. She deftly and expertly handled the tiny baby and before he knew what was happening Hayoon was on his chest. She was hooked up to monitors and wires but he leaned back in the armchair and held her body with his big strong hands. And, for the first time, she was real. She was real and alive, tangible and breathing, the weight of her on his chest so featherlight but so heavy. He barely noticed Byul covering them with a blanket as he stared down at her face relaxed in sleep and comfortable in her Daddy’s arms.

 

He looked over to see Baekhyun, tears streaming down his cheeks, Minjoon nestled right up under his chin. His hands were full of baby so he had no choice but to let them run freely and he had to laugh when he remembered what Jongin had warned him.

 

There really was a lot of crying on the third day.


	50. Chapter 50

 

On the fifth day Baekhyun was devastated. 

 

“What do you mean I have to be discharged?” he asked, his bottom lip trembling, his constitution willing him not to cry again. “I’m sorry. But that’s the way it is Baek,” Byul was soothing but staunch and he knew it wasn’t her fault. “You can come whenever you want and we need you close by so you can pump as well but you aren’t a patient here anymore.” 

 

She put the discharge paperwork down on the table next to the bed and Baekhyun signed them. He was a free man but his babies would be here for a while longer. Weeks, months, who knew? No one could tell. They’d given him an arbitrary goal weight they needed to get too but it meant doubling their birth weight and that could take a long time but Baekhyun steeled his resolve to succeed. He would do it.

Chanyeol held him by the arm carefully and turned him around. “We’ll come all day Baek. And we’ll go home to sleep and come back every morning.” “He’s right Baek. You can’t run yourself into the ground. You need your strength.” Baekhyun looked from Byul to Chanyeol and nodded. He couldn’t put up a fight and they were only ten minutes away from the hospital. Baekhyun pumped and left as much as he could behind as he walked out into the crisp morning air. Chanyeol convinced him they should go home and have showers and eat and then come back at lunchtime. Baekhyun had two hours until he had to pump again and, to be completely honest, the idea of getting out of the hospital was increasingly attractive anyway. He just had to push himself past the threshold of guilt he felt when he walked out of the doors into the blinding sun and left his babies behind. He never imagined he’d be going home without them.

The short drive home was mostly silent but Baekhyun tried to let his guilt go. As he neared their neighbourhood everything looked familiar but through different eyes. Where once he saw the park as an expanse of grass and the corner convenience store somewhere to buy ice cream on a Saturday night he now imagined other things. He imagined his kids learning to ride bikes by the lake and sending Chanyeol out at midnight for baby paracetamol. Everything was now clouded by parenthood.

When they arrived home Chanyeol helped Baekhyun out of the car. No lifting or carrying or driving for six weeks was going to be a nightmare. But he was, in that moment, happy to take the help and let Chanyeol struggle along with his bag of stuff he needed to bring home. When they stepped in the elevator Chanyeol pressed the button for floor 14 and Baekhyun was confused. “Where are we going?” he asked and Chanyeol smirked knowingly. “I’ve got a surprise,” was all he said.

When the elevator doors opened Chanyeol led Baekhyun along the corridor to apartment 144. He put the bags down and carded the door open and when it swung Baekhyun gasped. The apartment was his. It was an exact replica of his own but on a larger scale. The living room was filled with their furniture but it was easily twice the size and two mini kids recliners sat against the wall on a thick shag rug. The fridge and the dining table were all familiar but two high chairs sat side by side at the long glass table.

“What?” Baekhyun marvelled at the long glass wall leading out to a balcony, which had been fully enclosed. Everything was clean and safe and familiar but different. “I bought this weeks ago. It was a great price and I thought we could do with the extra space. I was hoping to have us moved in before the babies came but they were early so Minseok and Jongdae did all this for us. They moved our stuff and set it all up and even added some extras we hadn’t thought of. As a gift.”

 

He took Baekhyun by the hand and led him to the bedrooms where one was painted a soft lavender with grey accents and the other was grey with teal. Both rooms contained everything their babies would need. Cots, change tables, toys, softly scented lotions and powders and creams. “They might want to share but eventually they would need their own space…” Chanyeol said softly as Baekhyun turned and buried his face in Chanyeol’s chest. The old apartment, his perfectly cozy two bedroom which he loved, had served its purpose. His family had outgrown it and this was perfect. “It’s wonderful,” he said and let Chanyeol show him the master bedroom with a view and its own bathroom. Two beautiful white bassinettes sat in the corner ready for their babies to come home to and Baekhyun couldn’t wait.

His clothes were even already hung in the closet.

“What about the old apartment? How did you afford this?” Baekhyun asked as he laid down on the bed. His own bed felt wonderful under his back and the smell of his familiar things was restorative. “Well I’ve been saving for my own place since I was twenty and I guess this is it. I told you I’d take care of you and it’s about time you let me,” Chanyeol smiled and laid next to him being careful not to bump into him. “I was hoping we could keep the other apartment as a place for my family,” Chanyeol rolled on his side and watched Baekhyun tear up. “Mum wants to be able to help us and having somewhere close for her to stay would be really useful.”

Baekhyun remembered a time when he was fiercely independent to the point of recklessness. Where he would deny himself any sort of support just to prove a point. He used to be too proud to ask for help and too stubborn to admit he needed it. But he’d changed. He rolled a little, wincing in discomfort, but in that moment he wanted nothing more than to be in Chanyeol’s arms. “I’d really love that. We need all the help we can get,” he said as strong arms wrapped gently around him and he nestled his face into Chanyeol’s chest.

They lay in silence for a while before wandering around, Chanyeol into the shower, Baekhyun inspecting everything in the baby’s room. He had a sudden longing, a need to see them, and he wandered out to find Chanyeol drying himself in the bedroom. “I want to go back,” he said as he felt a fullness in his chest drawing him back to the hospital. “Okay,” Chanyeol said but he made Baekhyun shower and dress in clean clothes first.

“How long before we can bring them home?” Baekhyun mused as they got back in the car and Chanyeol shrugged. He wished he had all the answers for Baekhyun but he just didn’t know.


	51. Chapter 51

 

 

“Where were you?” the dark haired midwife was seething with barely concealed disdain at the two men walking back into the ward. “W-we went home to shower and drop some stuff off…” Baekhyun stammered out as he was stared down by Hyejin. She was back. 

 

“Baekhyun has been discharged and Byul said we should go home for a while. We’re back in time for him to pump,” Chanyeol said as he stared her down. He’d had enough of this. He reached out and clutched tight at Baekhyun’s hand, subconsciously moving his body between the smaller man and the formidable midwife, and he felt the hand tighten in his grasp. “Well anything could have happened while you were gone. Their condition is maybe more precarious than what you think Mr Park,” her scowl was sullen and Chanyeol almost wavered but he felt a shift as Baekhyun came forward. “No one understands more than us. No one,” he stared at her and his voice threatened to waver but he held it firm. “So don’t ever say that to me again. I went home to shower and get clean clothes. I was gone an hour.”

An uneasy silence descended over the standoff in the hospital corridor before Hyejin moved aside and let them walk towards the nursery. Baekhyun walked in and plopped down in an armchair and began to busy himself with the pump while Chanyeol looked over his babies. He was sure they were bigger but he couldn’t be sure. “When will they be weighed?” he asked and Hyejin dismissed him without an answer. Chanyeol walked over and sat on the arm of the chair and stroked Baekhyun’s hair while he watched him pump. He was fascinated. He knew it was kind of creepy but he just couldn’t hide his amazement and admiration for what Baekhyun’s body was able to do. It was astounding and kind of hot. He watched the milk drip into the bottle and wondered what it tasted like and quickly shook his head and tried to get that thought out of his mind real quick.

He stroked his hair softly and felt the man relax next to him as he wondered what the future held. Baekhyun had been through so much in the last year. It was hard to believe he’d only been in his life for so little time. In a year he’d seen him change from a miserable hollow shell to a strong and capable and vital man with life and love and joy inside. He looked down at him and wondered how he got so lucky. He’d defend his family from anything and do everything he could to keep them together and happy.

He daydreamed until Baekhyun was finished and Hyejin walked back in. She took the milk and divided it between two syringes and they slowly dripped the milk into the babies as they stood one beside each crib. “Can we hold them now?” Chanyeol asked and Hyejin nodded. She took Minjoon out first and put him on the scale and eyed the numbers critically. “He has gained but only a little,” she handed him to Baekhyun who snuggled him against his still-bare chest. When she weighed Hayoon she frowned. “No gain. You’re going to have to pump more often Baekhyun. Your milk isn’t enough.” She waited for Chanyeol to settle in the other chair before handing the baby girl to her Daddy who snuggled her close. She was still all wired up to monitors and tubes and Chanyeol didn’t even know what half of them were. All he knew was he would do anything to make sure she grew up strong and happy and healthy.

When Hyejin left the room Baekhyun sniffed back a tear. “They aren’t gaining,” he said as he sifted his weight around to hold his little boy better. “I suck.” His pout was so sincere but Chanyeol had to laugh at his natural cuteness. “Relax Baekhyun. You’re doing fine, she’s just rude, wait until Wheein or Byul is here. We’ll ask them and they’ll know what to do.” It was good solid advice and Baekhyun nodded and tried to convince himself Chanyeol was right. He looked up to see Mrs Park waving at them through the window and he beckoned her in. “Oh…” she said slowly when she saw a baby nestled on each of their chests, warm blankets covering them, their little faces smushed against the bare skin of their parents. “Can I take some photos?” she asked softly and Baekhyun nodded. He definitely wanted photos. He wished Mrs Park could hold them herself but hopefully that wasn’t too far away.

“You look miserable honey,” she said as she ran a hand over Baekhyun’s hair and he smiled into the touch as he felt himself break open inside. It was so much like the action of her son and he wondered how many times she had soothed Chanyeol during his life. Probably a lot, he surmised, as she seemed really good at it. “They aren’t putting on weight and I’m never going to get them home. The midwife got mad because I went home and had a shower and now I’m not making enough milk and I feel like shit.” He’d never vented to Mrs Park like that before but a part of him felt like he needed a mother. His own would be ideal but he hadn’t even heard from her in years and she wouldn’t give him what he needed anyway. “Wait, what?” Mrs Park said as she looked over at Chanyeol. “You’re doing the best you can and you aren’t a prisoner in here Baekhyun. You can go home and she shouldn’t be making you feel guilty.” Before either of them could stop her Mrs Park had turned and whirled out of the room.

“She’s going to yell at her isn’t she?” Baekhyun said sadly and Chanyeol began to laugh. “Good. I hope she does.”

Fifteen minutes later a smug looking Mrs Park returned to the nursery with Wheein. “Hi Baekhyun,” she smiled down at the man in the chair stiff and sore from holding his position too long. “Do you need anything? When was the last time you pumped?” “Only an hour ago,” he said as he looked up at the clock. Wheein took Minjoon and placed him carefully into the crib again before taking baby girl and putting her onto Baekhyun’s chest for a quick cuddle. “So the babies haven’t lost any weight which is fantastic,” she beamed at him with her soft smile. “Usually babies lose a little weight in the first few days after they are born so whatever they have lost they have gained back. Don’t be hard on yourself about that. It’s perfectly normal.” Baekhyun smiled weakly at her words even thought he knew she was right. It still didn’t make him feel any better. “What can I do?” He asked and Wheein looked at the three of them. “Well it’s a lot of work making milk for two babies. I’m not in charge here but my suggestion would be to alternate each feed with formula.” 

 

Formula? Tears filled Baekhyun’s eyes again. He’d been told that his breastmilk was best, essential for their growth and survival, no one had even suggested using formula to him. But wasn’t that taking the easy way out? He looked over at Chanyeol and Mrs Park with his eyes filled with uncertainty but they seemed unbothered. 

 

“Hyejin doesn’t like using formula and pacifiers,” Wheein said quietly as she moved closer to them. “She says it interferes with the breastfeeding process but....” she seemed reluctant to continue. “Think about it and talk to Byul about it tomorrow,” she said before busying herself with filling out the charts and Chanyeol led Baekhyun from the room.

 

“So,” Chanyeol said as he swung an arm around Baekhyun and steered him in the direction of the cafeteria, “formula sounds like a great idea, take some pressure off you...” “No way,” Baekhyun interjected immediately and vehemently. “Everyone already thinks I’m failing at this. I won’t give them any more reason to judge me.” 

 

“Honey, no one thinks you’re failing,” Mrs Park said gently, “we just want what’s best for you as well as them.” Chanyeol nodded but Baekhyun shook his head. He wouldn’t do it. He’d just have to work harder, try harder, be better. He wouldn’t let anyone say he wasn’t doing everything he could for his babies.


	52. Chapter 52

 

 

Byul’s face was smiling but Baekhyun could read the concern in her eyes. 

 

“She’s gained well this week, not as much as we’d like to see, but she’s 4 pound 3 oz now and she’ll be moving out of this crib in a few days.”

 

Baekhyun’s heart fluttered at the idea of his little girl, his tiny baby girl, finally free from monitors and dressed and wrapped warmly in a normal crib.

 

“Minjoon has gained as well but he’s still way behind her. We can’t even think of moving him from the incubator until he’s at least 4 pounds which, at this rate, is still at least a few weeks away.”

 

The high was over and Baekhyun hit rock bottom again. His baby boy, so tiny and fine, his translucent skin so delicate and fragile. He was going to be left behind and there wasn’t anything Baekhyun could do. His bottom lip trembled and his chest began to heave and before he could start to cry he felt himself crushed impossibly hard against Chanyeol’s strong chest.

 

“Don’t,” he heard Chanyeol say softly, “it’s fine. It’s going to be fine.” Baekhyun snuffed back his tears and held it together and wondered how he did it. How Chanyeol always seemed to be able to keep it together enough for both of them. 

 

“Get Hayoon’s clothes and we’ll dress her and turn the crib off. Well keep the monitors on her but if she’s able to maintain her temperature she can go into a normal crib. I also thought you might like to try feeding her. She has to learn to suck.” Byul wrote some things on her chart and began to turn off the crib that held the baby. Baekhyun fumbled before finding what he wanted in the bad he’d been carrying around for weeks. He took out a tiny bodysuit, gifted by Mrs Park, white with tiny lavender flowers around the neck. His hands ran over it and he found a smile again. 

 

“I’m going to hurt her,” he said as his long fingers fumbled with the suit. Her little arms and legs seemed so breakable and fragile. “You’re not going to hurt her,” Chanyeol said as he leaned over and took one of the baby’s tiny arms and fed it through the sleeve flawlessly and deftly. “Can you do it?” Baekhyun asked and Chanyeol nodded. “You have to do it next time though. Okay?” 

 

Baekhyun nodded as he watched Chanyeol quickly and confidently work his huge hands and Hayoon was dressed in no time. Chanyeol placed her in the middle of a white muslin wrap and folded her neatly and tightly into the soft fabric. “How did you do that?” Baekhyun marvelled and Chanyeol just grinned. “It’s just like wrapping a kransky,” he grinned brightly at Baekhyun and Baekhyun had to smile back at the man’s comparison of his beautiful baby girl to a spicy pastry-wrapped sausage.

 

She felt so small in his arms but at least he could hold her. He admired her long thick lashes, the increasing chub of her cheeks, the thick thatch of dark hair she sported until Chanyeol leaned over and pulled a beanie on top of it. “She’s perfect,” Chanyeol said wistfully and Baekhyun nodded. All his life he’d been striving for perfection and now he held it in his arms.

 

“Pump one side and then we’ll try to get her on the other side,” Byul said and Baekhyun handed the baby girl over to Chanyeol. Chanyeol held her and walked back and forth as he hummed softly under his breath. Baekhyun worked the pump and marvelled at Chanyeol’s gentle confidence with the babies. He was born to be a father and couldn’t look any more competent or natural. 

 

When he was done pumping one side Byul took Hayoon and unwrapped her from her blanket. “She needs to wake up a little,” Byul said as she took a cold cloth and gently pressed it on the baby’s cheeks. When her eyes fluttered open Byul positioned her against Baekhyun’s chest but no matter what they did she wouldn’t open her mouth and suck. She shook her head a little and poked her tongue out a bit but nothing worked.

 

“My nipples are huge,” Baekhyun groaned, “they’re too big for her tiny mouth. Look how big and gross they are.” He pouted and Chanyeol looked over at them and then over at Byul. He didn’t think they looked big or gross. His cheeks flushed pink as he awkwardly cleared his throat and Byul saved him. “It’s fine Baek. They aren’t too big and we’ll try again tomorrow.”

 

He didn’t want to try again tomorrow. He wanted to button his shirt and hide his body away from the constant parade of observations. He wanted to belong to himself again. He wanted to eat and shower and cry himself to sleep in that order. He wanted to scream and hit the wall and run away from this hospital which he was coming to hate. Most of all he wanted to know his babies were sleeping soundly with a full belly so they could grow and eventually leave this place.

 

When Hayoon was settled back in the crib and hooked up to her monitors Byul made eyes at Chanyeol and he nodded. Byul helped Minjoon settle on Baekhyun’s bare chest and when he was engrossed in the baby boy Chanyeol followed Byul out of the room.

 

“What’s up?” He asked nervously even though he knew. “I’m worried,” she said, “not about the babies. They’re fine. I’m worried about Baekhyun being so hard on himself. Parenting two babies is hard enough let alone two premature babies who need so much care. Especially after such a difficult pregnancy. He needs a break.” Chanyeol nodded. He knew all this he just didn’t know what to do. “I’d like for you to convince him to start to supplement with the formula,” she said. “If we can start to introduce formula to every second feeding they’re going to put weight on faster and when they eventually do go home you’ll be able to help more.”

 

Chanyeol decided he had to get backup. He pulled his phone out and dialed the only person he knew who could possibly help him convince Baekhyun to use the formula. He called his mother to come straight away.

 

Mrs Park whirled into the maternity ward thirty minutes later with one arm full of fast food and the other dangling a paper boutique bag. “What are you doing here?” Baekhyun asked as she grinned widely at him. “Here,” she shoved the bag towards him and he pulled an expensive black shirt out and fingered the luxurious fabric. “Go put it on. We’re going out for dinner.” She turned to Chanyeol and his eyes lit up at the sight of the bag of burgers. “You’re staying here with the babies.”

 

“I feel guilty,” Baekhyun said as he sat across from his mother in law at the upscale restaurant. She was so strong and assertive he’d be terrified if she wasn’t also warm and caring. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she said as she waved the waiter over, “Chanyeol is there with them. He’s just as much their parent as you are.”

 

He sat and admired the beautiful shirt he was wearing as Mrs Park ordered a selection of things that sounded delicious. The simpering service of the waiter indicated she came here often and Baekhyun relaxed as she ordered the food and a round of soft drinks. “No alcohol,” she said and the waiter bowed before removing the wine glasses from the table.

 

“So,” she eyed Baekhyun from across the table and he knew he was about to find out why they were here. “Were you breastfed or bottle fed?” It wasn’t the question Baekhyun was expecting. “I-I, ah, I’m not sure Mrs Park...” “What about Chanyeol? Do you think he was breastfed or bottle fed? Did he have a pacifier?” “I’m not sure...” he stammered over the words and waited for chastisement, for criticism, for any sort of harsh words. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and only opened them at the soft touch of Mrs Park’s hand over his.

 

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” She asked and he shook his head slowly before it dawned on him. He didn’t know. He couldn’t tell if his smart, personable and strong fiancé was breastfed or bottle fed, born naturally or by cesarean, if he had a pacifier or a blanky or sucked his thumb.

 

“Both,” she answered for him as he was almost swallowed by introspection. “I breastfed him for a while exclusively but, Baek, he was so big and so hungry,” she paused to let the waiter put plates down in front of them and Baekhyun’s eyes began to water at how delicious everything looked. “I tried but he was always unsettled and I was so tired. If he had been my first I might have been more unsure but I’d already been through it with his older sister.”

 

Baekhyun shoved a golden arancini ball into his mouth and groaned audibly when the melted cheese hit his tongue. He smiled at the tiny but formidable woman seated across from him and he knew with her in his corner he could do it. She made him feel like he could do anything.

 

“Okay,” he said and her eyes lit up. “I’ll let them supplement with the formula.” “Good,” was all she said as they began to eat and conversation dropped away to be replaced with a gentle silence and serenity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	53. Chapter 53

 

 

 

The thick white liquid made its slow trail down the tube and into Minjoon’s stomach. “I still don’t know how I feel about this,” Baekhyun shifted uncomfortably but Chanyeol just put his arm around him and squeezed as they watched Byul syringe the formula into the feeding tube. “We’re effectively doubling the amount of food they’re getting at each feed. They should start to show more weight gain immediately.” Byul smiled. It was her last shift before she went on leave for her wedding and Baekhyun got a little teary as he thought of hospital life without her. He’d gotten so attached to her no nonsense attitude over the last few weeks and now he would be without his favourite midwife.

“Hayoon is maintaining her body temperature well without the crib. She’s so strong,” Byul said and the words were encouraging. Baekhyun could see the light but he couldn’t imagine bringing her home without her brother. It seemed too cruel to leave him alone in the nursery. Since the moment of conception he’d had someone by his side, never alone even in the womb, and Baekhyun couldn’t stand the idea of him left here by himself. 

 

Byul seemed to read his mind as she moved closer next to him. “Now that we are supplementing with the formula he will catch up quickly. You watch him!” her encouragement was infectious and Baekhyun felt better than he had in weeks. “Oh,” Byul looked up to see Mrs Park grinning at them through the window, “Granny’s here! I’ll let her in,” she handed the syringe to Baekhyun who continued the slow drip of liquid into his son’s tiny stomach. “Bet you’ve been dying for this,” Byul said as she scooped Hayoon out of her crib and handed her to Mrs Park who looked down at the baby in her arms and promptly burst into tears.

Baekhyun was shaken. Mrs Park, absolute perfection, the image of unflappable sophistication, couldn’t hold it in. He grinned at her as she smiled down at the little baby in her arms and rocked her body side to side. “I’m going to buy you so many toys,” she whispered as Baekhyun smiled and Chanyeol rolled his eyes. “The mother who didn’t want her own children to be spoiled…” he chuckled as she shot him a dirty look. “Nothing will be too much for my grandbabies.”

 

 

 

Baekhyun tossed in his bed restlessly. It was so hard sleeping away from them every night. He’d tried to protest, to sleep sitting up in the armchair in the nursery but Chanyeol had talked him out of it. It didn’t make any difference. Now they were taking the formula Baekhyun wasn’t pumping every two hours in the night. He would pump at 10pm before Chanyeol drove them home from the hospital. He then pumped again at midnight, again at 4am when Chanyeol got up to go to the bakery, then again at 8am when Chanyeol came back to drag both their exhausted asses back to the hospital. It was relentless.

 

Somehow he dozed eventually and woke again with a start when his alarm went off. “Chanyeol,” he pushed the man’s big shoulder next to him earning a grumble, “the bakery...” “Baek,” Chanyeol groaned hoarsely before rolling away, “its Sunday.” Baekhyun had lost all track of days and dates and time as the last few weeks melted into a mindless sleepless mess.

 

He got up in the dark and padded out to the kitchen. He searched the sink for the pump and when he saw it, still dirty and unsterilised in the bottom of the sink, he fell apart. Now he had to wait an extra fifteen minutes to even start pumping.

 

Silent sobs heaved his chest as he rubbed at his burning red eyes. He filled the sink with hot water and let the tears flow as he rinsed the pump clean. He drained the water and sobbed uncontrollably as he rinsed the suds off with cold water and packed it in the electric steam steriliser sitting on the bench. He pressed the start button and cried his heart dry as he let the comforting anonymity of his gleaming white kitchen surround his tired mind.

 

“Baekhyun?”

 

Shit. 

 

He quickly tried to rub his eyes dry but he’d been caught. “Baek are you crying?” Chanyeol’s husky sleep voice was one of Baekhyun’s favorite things in the world. He let it wash over him and took a deep breath before he turned around and was immediately enveloped in Chanyeol’s bare arms and chest.  “I know it’s hard,” Chanyeol said softly. The night seemed too long all of a sudden and he let himself nose at Chanyeol’s chest. “I’m sorry,” Baekhyun mumbled into the skin and sighed. “I know you didn’t sign up for this.” Chanyeol pulled him away so he could look down and meet his eyes. “I did sign up for this one hundred percent. I could have walked away and I didn’t. I want this and I want us and it will work Baekhyun. It won’t always be this hard.”

 

Baekhyun knew he was right. He had to be. Baekhyun relied so much on Chanyeol being right.

 

 

 

 

 

“Hi Daddies,” Wheein chirped happily when she saw them coming. Hyejin hadn’t been seen since that day Mrs Park had ‘spoken’ to her and with Byul definitely finished they now mostly had the small blond midwife with the sunny smile. “Ready for a weigh?” They both nodded and Baekhyun immediately went to lift Hayoon out of her little clear plastic bed. “Hi chub,” he smiled down at the pleasant layer of fat that had started to fill out across her cheeks. “Is she supposed to be so red?” “It’s fine,” Wheein said with a nod, “her circulation is really firing up now that her weight is increasing. It’s healthy.” 

 

Baekhyun unwrapped her as Chanyeol opened the little round door in Minjoon’s crib and laid his hand across his chest. “We’ll get him out in just a minute,” she said as she took Hayoon and put her on the scale. The cold surprised her and she let out a strong loud shriek making everyone laugh. “Poor baby girl,” Wheein rubbed her bare belly as the numbers flickered and finally stopped.  “Five pound one,” Wheein said as she looked at their expectant faces. “Hayoon can go home!”

 

“What? Like now?” Chanyeol said and Wheein chuckled as she shook her head. “I’ll get the consulting paediatrician to come and discharge her tomorrow. He gets cranky if we call him in on a Sunday. I would like to have feeding a little better established so we can try that again today and, all things going to plan, she can go with you guys tomorrow.”

 

Baekhyun blinked up at Chanyeol and the taller could read his mind. “He’s not going to be alone for long Baekhyun. We’ll get him home soon as well.”

 

Baekhyun settled in the chair and Chanyeol handed Hayoon over. “Do I need to take her clothes off to wake her up?” Baekhyun began to strip her and Wheein shook her head. “No, don’t wake her, just unwrap her.” Baekhyun frowned. He swore every different nurse had a different idea and a different way of doing things but he was ready to try them all. He unwrapped Hayoon and laid her across his knees as he unbuttoned his shirt. “Squeeze some milk out and rub it on her lips,” Wheein said as Chanyeol sat a big bottle of water next to Baekhyun’s chair. “What?” Baekhyun’s head turned but she just smiled gently at him. “Trust me. Haven’t you hand expressed?” She asked and he shook his head. He grabbed his nipple and pulled making Wheein laugh a little. “Gently, like this..” She mimicked a slow stroking action and Baekhyun followed her lead, gently stroking down, the slow white spill happening quickly. “Right, now rub your finger in it and rub it on her lips,” Wheein said and Baekhyun wet his fingers and put them up to the baby’s face.

 

Her eyes were closed but at the sweet scent and taste of the milk her mouth opened. He head turned from side to side seeking out the source of the milk and when she found one of Baekhyun’s fingers she rooted towards it and poked her tongue out. “Perfect!” Wheein was delighted. “Now rub milk all over your nipple and we’ll get her to latch on!”

 

Baekhyun’s mind didn’t understand indignity any more. He’d run out of shame, of the ability to be embarrassed, nothing mattered but the baby in his arms and her survival. He pulled his shirt open and smeared the sticky, almost translucent, liquid all over his nipple. “Turn her body more towards you,” Wheein helped him position her and when she opened her mouth and began to suck Baekhyun began to cry. Again.

 

“Bring a car seat tomorrow!” Wheein chirped happily. “Hayoon is definitely going home tomorrow!”


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi - I’m really bad at replying to comments on here but I do read them all - if you want me to actually reply I’m much better on twitter
> 
> @abnegwrites
> 
> thanks to everyone reading xx

 

 

“Slow down,” Baekhyun said as he placed his hand on her belly. “Baek im holding up the traffic” Chanyeol huffed from the drivers seat. Baekhyun was in the back with Hayoon nestled in her car capsule sleeping soundly as Baekhyun scowled at every single bump in the road. It took them half an hour to make the twenty minute drive but, in the safety and comfort of darkness, they were soon home.

“Welcome home,” Baekhyun cooed softly as they walked in to the apartment. Hayoon was decidedly unimpressed as she barely opened an eyelid. “What now?” Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol who shrugged and put the baby seat down in the living room. They sat side by side on the couch and watched her in silence. 

 

“Will she wake up?” Chanyeol asked and Baekhyun shrugged. “I guess I should feed her and go to bed.” It was 10pm and he was so off track. Hayoon was feeding well and he was forgetting to pump now he wasn’t subject to the fullness in his chest reminding him.

 

He settled in with her nestled against his chest and nodded as she drank happily in her sleep. The tv blared softly as Baekhyun gave in to the the relaxing lull of hormones flooding his brain and soon he snapped awake at the sound of Chanyeol’s voice. “Come on,” Chanyeol said as he took Hayoon from Baekhyun’s arms and wrapped her tightly. “Let’s go to bed.”

 

 

The phone said 1am when Baekhyun woke up with a start. He sat up and stood so he could lean over and see inside the beautiful white bassinet right next to the bed. He held his breath until he was satisfied in the steady rise and fall of her chest and once he could relax knowing she was breathing he laid back down and gave in again.

 

“Baek,” Chanyeol whispered in the darkness. “Here,” he said as he handed him the pump. “Hayoon?” Baekhyun mumbled sleepily as he felt the relief of the pump on his chest and he saw Chanyeol sitting in the armchair by the bassinet. “I’ve made her a bottle. This way you’ll have something to take for Minjoon,” Chanyeol said and Baekhyun silently wondered, for the millionth time, how Chanyeol could be so effortlessly good at this. How did he always know exactly what to do?

 

Baekhyun filled the bottle quicker than ever and changed sides to drain the other breast. “She drank the whole 150mls,” Chanyeol beamed in the dim light as his huge hands expertly fed his tiny daughter, wiping her chin with a cloth, before hanging her body along his arm face down. He rubbed her back and she let out a tiny burp making them both laugh. Chanyeol quickly wrapped her in her muslin, popped the pacifier in her mouth, and laid her peacefully back in the bed. “Go back to sleep,” he said as he took the pump from Baekhyun. “I’ll fridge this and go the bakery and you can go back to sleep.”

 

Baekhyun didn’t have the energy to argue with him. His eyes were closed before Chanyeol had walked out the door.

 

 

The walls were grey with dawn when he heard her stirring. He leaned over and winced when his tender wound pulled a bit as he lifted the baby girl into his arms. He popped the buttons open on his pyjama top and Hayoon began to feed greedily as Baekhyun tried to wake up properly. He reached for the remote and turned the tv on. He’d never felt like a tv in the bedroom was a necessity but Chanyeol had insisted and as he scrolled the Netflix menu Baekhyun was glad of it. He figured he’d be spending a fair amount of time here. 

 

 

By the time Hayoon had fallen back asleep the front door was opening. “Hi,” Chanyeol grinned brightly when he saw Baekhyun nestled in the pile of pillows with the baby up against his bare chest. “I’ll shower then I’ll come take her,” Chanyeol said as he walked across the bedroom and Baekhyun watched him go. He looked tired, Baekhyun thought to himself, tired and a little thinner but deliriously happy. Chanyeol radiated happiness and when he looked down at his daughter, all dark hair and quickly fattening cheeks, he understood. He felt it too.

 

“Where’s the pink blanket?” Baekhyun rummaged through the bag and Chanyeol shrugged. “What’s wrong with this yellow one?” Baekhyun stared blankly at him. “People might thinks she’s a boy.” Chanyeol quickly evaluated the possible responses before turning around and going into the nursery. When he came out with a white blanket patterned with pink flowers Baekhyun broke into a wide smile. “Thank you,” he said as he strapped Hayoon into her baby capsule. 

 

He surprised Chanyeol by wrapping his arms around him as soon as they were free from the baby. “Thank you,” he mumbled into the crumpled fabric of Chanyeol’s shirt. “For everything. For being so wonderful and so good at this.” Chanyeol pressed a kiss into his hair and inhaled and Baekhyun tiptoed up to kiss his lips. No thanks was necessary but it was nice to hear and Baekhyun chuckled to himself as Chanyeol glowed at the praise.

 

 

“Morning,” Wheein smiled as they bundled themselves into the room. “Why is that weird light on?” Baekhyun said immediately and Chanyeol took Hayoon so Baekhyun could go over to the crib. “He’s just a little jaundiced,” Wheein said, “the lights will fix that today. It’s nothing to worry about.”

 

Baekhyun pulled the little cooler bag out and handed Wheein the bottle of breast milk. “That’s a lot,” she said as she sucked up a full syringe and handed it to Chanyeol before taking the leftovers to the fridge in the corner. Chanyeol squeezed the pumped milk into Minjoon’s feeding tube as Baekhyun unbuttoned his shirt again and Hayoon began to hungrily gulp at the rush of milk. “That’s going well?” Wheein asked and Baekhyun nodded. He was finding some sort of routine in the madness of home and hospital and the constant cycle of milk. He felt like it was finally starting to work.

 

“We’ll weigh him after he eats,” Wheein said with another bright smile and Baekhyun relaxed back in the chair. He felt the flow slow to a trickle and when Hayoon began to fuss he quickly switched her to the other side. He closed his eyes and opened them slowly as he watched Chanyeol tend to their son. The milk had been dropped into the feeding tube and Chanyeol opened the side of the little plastic walled crib and scooped Minjoon out. He was so confident and relaxed, Baekhyun marvelled, and hadn’t even asked permission. He wanted his son and he knew he could just take him out. To Baekhyun, always overthinking, always self conscious, it was amazing.

 

“Four pounds and thirteen ounces!” Wheein announced with a palpable joy. “He’ll be going home in a few days. We’ll keep him under the UV lamps until tomorrow and then we’ll see if he can hold his body temperature.” He’d done this before. Baekhyun didn’t even have to ask. He knew that if his tiny son could eat well and keep himself warm in a few days they would all be home and away from the hospital forever.

 

They’d been here for six weeks and Baekhyun had had enough. Finally there was light at the end of the tunnel and he smiled brightly at Chanyeol who smiled back. Soon they would all be home.

 


	55. Chapter 55

 

 

 

“I can’t believe this is finally happening!” Chanyeol shifted excitedly from one foot to the other. Baekhyun wondered how he could be so carefree. The odds were about to shift heavily out of their favour. They had the world’s largest pram, as wide as a doorway, barely manoeuvrable through the elevators and corridors of their building. Not to mention Baekhyun’s terror of ever having to actually take them out in public in it. He couldn’t imagine trying to fit it in the supermarket or a café or anywhere else normal people went. He stared at it and silently hoped everywhere they went Chanyeol would push it. He had this easy-going confidence which allowed him to crash into the back of people’s shins and knock over displays of toilet paper and just smile about it not caring what people thought.

Dr Jung walked in and smiled at the happy faces in the room. “Finally, we’re going to see the back of you guys, after all this time!” He laughed before picking Minjoon up from his little plastic bed. “I’m just kidding little man. You guys have been my favourites.” He unwrapped the baby and put him on the scales. “5 pounds even and only just. Looks like it’s officially going home day.” He handed the baby to Chanyeol who began to wrap him tightly in a muslin and took Hayoon from Baekhyun’s arms. “Your turn little princess,” he crooned and smiled as she let out a huge shout of protest when he unwrapped her from her warm cocoon. “She’s strong,” he said as he put her on the scales. “And hungry obviously,” he picked her up again and handed her to Baekhyun. “Five pound eight. Good gains. You’ll have no worries with her catching up to where she should be.”

Baekhyun was handed endless papers and he signed them all. He was given Minjoon’s name tag from his bed and he stashed in in the bag hanging from his shoulder as he bounced Hayoon back into a light sleep. It was almost feeding time again and he still wasn’t sure if he was going to try and feed both or one at a time or give one a bottle. These decisions were all his and his alone now. No, he reassessed this as he watched Chanyeol settle Minjoon down in one side of the stroller and pull the hood up and zip the weather cover closed. He didn’t have to do anything alone. Looking from Chanyeol to the baby in his arms he suddenly realised he would never have to be alone again. Chanyeol had seen the absolute worst of him, witnessed Baekhyun at his most petulant low, and he had still hung around. He was determined to show him the best sides from now on. He was ready to show him the real Baekhyun, the man who now understood what it meant to be strong and courageous, the man he knew he could be for his family. The baby snoozing comfortably in his arms wasn’t looking for perfection or anything other than unconditional love. And the beauty of this was as much as he was prepared to give he was ready to receive it in return. Baekhyun knew he deserved to be loved.

“We’re going to be late,” Chanyeol said as he took Hayoon and began to tuck her into the other side. “Thanks for everything,” Baekhyun said to the faces he’d come to rely on so much. Wheein’s gentle manner and happy smiles, Dr Jung’s dependable advice, the many shift nurses who’d made them coffee and fridged breastmilk and had let them come and go as they pleased no matter what hospital policy dictated. His throat felt thick and his eyes burned with tears but it was happy tears. He was finally going to be done with this place. As good as they had all been to him he never wanted to see the inside of a hospital again.

They walked out without looking back. As he’d hoped, Chanyeol manoeuvred the pram through the automatic doors of the hospital with minimal effort, and then they were outside in the sun. Not for long though. They followed the path around the side of the main entrance and into the consulting suite for Baekhyun’s six-week check-up.

“Can’t believe it’s been six weeks already,” Chanyeol said as they settled in to wait. They left the babies in the pram until Hayoon became unsettled and Baekhyun knew it was feeding time. He wasn’t sure how he felt about feeding her in front of strangers but when she grizzled more earnestly he realised he didn’t care that much. His daughter was hungry.

 

He snuggled her close and began to feed her as Chanyeol stared at him with what could only be described as unashamed pride. “What?” Baekhyun asked as he blushed a little and Chanyeol smiled a little wistfully. “You’re amazing. I know you don’t realise how amazing but you are. I’m so proud of you.” Baekhyun sniffled a little as he blinked back tears for the second time today. “Shit,” he chuckled a little, “I cry more than they do.”

He was just leaning Hayoon over his shoulder for a burp when the nurse appeared in the doorway of the waiting area. “Mr Byun?” she asked and he handed Hayoon over to Chanyeol. “I’ll be quick,” he said and Chanyeol just shrugged. “I’ll be fine.” Baekhyun knew he would be. Chanyeol was always fine.

“How are you Baekhyun?” Dr Shim asked when he walked in. “Fine, thank you, and how are you?” Baekhyun replied before he realised how silly his answer was. Dr Shim wasn’t recovering from major surgery. “Hop up on the table and we’ll make sure you’re fine,” Dr Shim said. Baekhyun lifted his shirt and Dr Shim palpated his stomach gently and checked his healed wound. “A little scarring but not too bad. You look completely healed and can now lift and drive and all those other things I said you couldn’t do.” Driving he’d avoided but he’d been lifting the babies already anyway. At least now Chanyeol wouldn’t freak when he saw Baekhyun with something over five pounds in his hands. “Any bleeding?’ the Dr asked and Baekhyun shook his head. “No, not for about two weeks now,” he said and Dr Shim nodded. “That all seems fine and normal.”

“So, any questions for me I guess?’ he helped Baekhyun to sit and he shook his head. “Actually, I don’t know if you can help, but I’m really confused now. I’m taking them home and I can just do what I want? Like what I think is fine? Because I don’t know when to bath them or if I should feed them at the same time or different, or how any of that works.”

Dr Shim put a reassuring hand on Baekhyun’s arm. “Everyone feels like this. My only advice to you is let people around you help you. Everything is going to be a learning curve. Don’t be too hard on yourself, don’t be too hard on Chanyeol, and take this..” The Doctor took a business card out of his desk. It was a business card for a lactation consultant. “She’s private so she’s a little expensive by the hour but she’ll come to your home and help you with whatever advice you need.” Baekhyun took the card and said goodbye. He was finally done and couldn’t wait to get home.

He walked out to find Chanyeol standing in the middle of the waiting room. He had Minjoon in one arm and the other rocking the pram where Hayoon was sleeping. “He’s hungry I think,” Chanyeol beamed delightedly when he saw Baekhyun. “You want to feed him here or make him wait until we get home.” “I’ll do it now,” Baekhyun said as he took the tiny little boy, “but let’s go outside and find somewhere to sit in the sun. Wheein said it’s good for them as long as it’s not too hot.”

An hour later, with the pram and the babies, and the baby bag which only seemed to get bigger, Chanyeol swiped the card and opened the door. “We’re home,” he announced proudly as he unzipped the covers from the pram and took Minjoon out. “Time for the tour,” he said as he looked pointedly at Baekhyun, “Come on.” Baekhyun grinned, knowing Chanyeol had probably been waiting to do this, and picked up Hayoon. They followed Chanyeol as he showed the babies their rooms, where they would take a bath, the living room where they could watch tv. Finally he showed them the kitchen where he promised to make them cupcakes and soup and fruit salad and homemade ice cream in the summer. “You’ve never made me ice-cream!” Baekhyun scowled and Chanyeol laughed loudly. “We’ll make it together. As a family tradition.”

As the day tuned into night and the shadows grew long Baekhyun grew less anxious. It was almost scary how normal everything seemed. Like he had been destined for this from the start. Like everything he’d ever done in life, starting his business as a wedding planner, his relationship with Sehun, even renting an office by the Sugar Baby bakery, had all driven him towards this. Towards this life where nothing was perfect but everything in it and where perfection could be found in the soft breath of a baby sleeping, in the kind eyes of a man who loved him, in a silently made cup of tea or calm gesture of comfort. He’d strived so hard for perfection and in this imperfection, he’d achieved it.

All his life he’d been searching for it and now it was all here in front of him. Everything was just perfect.

The end

 

 

******

 

 

_Thank you for reading and for travelling with me on this journey with Baekhyun as it was essentially his story and I wanted to write it that way._

_I have a love for slice-of-life storytelling where nothing much happens but the ebb and flow of someone’s daily life and I hope I conveyed this. I had planned this out as a 35-40 chapter work and it ended up being fifty five chapters and a year of work. I liked reading mpreg stories but I always found them mostly too fantastically unrealistic. Rich boyfriend, easy pregnancy, cute baby, end story. The reality of having babies is often much grittier, things can go from okay to frightening in minutes, and the reality of the dangers of childbirth are often forgotten in a world of modern medicine. I wanted to write something much more honest._

_I hope you enjoyed this as much as I loved writing it. I have marked it as complete but there is a three part epilogue which I will release over the coming weeks on an undetermined schedule._

_I have another chanbaek in draft but I’m not releasing any details or dates until I can get my head around it a bit better so please be patient with me._

_Once again - thanks for reading_

_Love_

_abnegative xx_


	56. epilogue one • the wedding • Jongin and Kyungsoo

 

 

“I’m nervous,” Baekhyun said as he adjusted the tie around his neck. It was a deep plum purple and complimented his grey suit perfectly. He’d had to buy a new one. None of his stuff fit him the same way, even after four months, but he’d come to terms with it. No longer did he choose salad over steak or agonise in front of a full length mirror over invisible flaws. He didn’t have time for that shit any more anyway. Especially with Chanyeol’s constant steam of food that seemed to flow unending. Soups and stews, pastries and cakes, and the new regular Friday night dinners at various restaurants he wanted to try. 

 

“Don’t be nervous,” Chanyeol slid into the space behind him and swatted his hands away. Chanyeol deftly pulled on the tie and Baekhyun’s whole outfit seemed to pull into place when he did. Chanyeol was like that. Everything he touched turned to perfection without him even being aware. “This is my first job since I’ve been working again,” Baekhyun murmured as he turned into Chanyeol’s arms. He knew he was crushing his suit but he didn’t care. “It will be beautiful,” Chanyeol soothes softly as he patted his hair. “Anyway, it’s just Kyungsoo and Jongin anyway, they’ll hardly notice if there’s a fork out of place.” “But I’ll know,” Baekhyun whined.

 

 

“I’ll come back after the ceremony and feed them while the wedding party has photos,” Baekhyun said as they gathered their things. Mr Park was sprawled on the couch watching soccer and Hayoon babbled happily in her bouncer in front of the tv. “Bye bye little doll,” Baekhyun leaned down to kiss her head and quickly wiped the drool from her chin. “Go,” Mrs Park began to shoo them towards the door as she cuddled Minjoon on her chest. Hayoon was fiercely independent already and loved the freedom of being left alone. On the floor, in her bouncer, even in her crib with her nightlight playing soft songs. Minjoon, however, was clingy. He was never happier than when he was nestled against a chest and Baekhyun had taken to wearing him in a soft baby carrier a lot of the time. “If he’s too much just call me,” Baekhyun said and Mrs Park just laughed. “Too much of him is never enough Baek. See you in a few hours....”

 

 

 

Baekhyun felt a little awkward sitting in the chapel by himself. But he was distracted well enough watching Chanyeol during the ceremony. He was so animated, so full of joy, soaking in every minute of the special occasion. Baekhyun watched him smile, laugh, hand over the rings and tear up a little as he stood beside his best friend while he married his love.

 

 

“I’ll see you at the reception at 6,” Chanyeol said as he pressed a kiss into Baekhyun’s hair. Baekhyun smiled and watched him walk away. He was doing an amazing job of letting go of his past but he still felt a little twinge of jealousy when he watched Chanyeol join the rest of the wedding party. It was just Baekhyun’s luck that Chanyeol’s best friend was marrying a model, leaving Chanyeol in the middle of possibly the best looking wedding party ever, but he swallowed his insecurities deep inside. He had no choice anyway. He had to get home and feed his babies before his chest began to leak all over his new suit.

 

 

“Hello?” Baekhyun called out as he walked in. “How was the ceremony?” Mrs Park called out from the kitchen and Baekhyun smiled when he saw her. “Perfect. The chapel looked amazing. I’ll definitely recommend it to other couples. The flowers were beautiful and everything went off without a hitch.” He sucked into his room and took his jacket off, hanging it up with the waistcoat and shirt, before tossing a tshirt on. “Who hasn’t eaten?” He asked and Mrs Park indicated Minjoon sleeping on his grandad’s chest. “I gave her a bottle,” Mrs Park said as she filled mugs with tea, “she couldn’t wait. She got grizzly so I gave her some formula and she’s been sleeping for an hour.”

 

Baekhyun fed the cuddly baby before putting him down in his crib. He sipped at the tea, now almost cold, still invigorating and restorative. He was used to cold tea. His life was filled with stained shirts, short showers, late nights and early mornings. Especially now he was working mornings. Chanyeol would rush home from the bakery every morning by 8:30am so Baekhyun could be in his office by 9. He’d work until 1pm before heading home so Chanyeol could go back and close the bakery. It was hard but they were making it work. Chanyeol didn’t want to rely on a nanny and Baekhyun didn’t want to impose on Chanyeol’s parents any more than they already did. So they just made it work.

 

He was just about to put his shirt and jacket back on when a familiar shout drew him to the babies room. He marvelled at how she never woke her brother with her loud angry yells for attention as he leaned down and picked her up. “Shhhhh,” He shushed her gently as he carried her out into the living room. “One down one up?” Mrs Park mused as she put a huge lasagne into the oven. “Story of my life,” Baekhyun chuckled. He poked a pacifier into Hayoons mouth and she promptly spat it st the floor before shoving a fist into her mouth. Drool ran down her chin as her Grandma smiled fondly at her. “This one is going to teethe early,” she said. “Just like her father.”

 

Everything was just like her father. Her thick thatch of dark hair that curled at the ends just enough to always look messy. Her ears which stuck out just enough to make people coo at how cute she was. She pulled her fist from her mouth and smiled widely at Baekhyun making him swoon and fall in love with her all over again. “Yeah,” Baekhyun voiced his agreement, “she’s just like her father.”

 

“I’ll take her,” Mr Park held his arms out for the baby. “You go. The reception will be starting in an hour.” He didn’t want to. Every single instinct he had screamed at him to snuggle his baby girl closer, to kick off his tight dress shoes and relax on the couch, Mr Parks soccer game blaring and Mrs Park dishing him up big plates of Chanyeol’s vegetable lasagne. He didn’t want to go and sit around and sip champagne and eat tiny canapès with people he didn’t know.

 

“I’ll be back by 11,” Baekhyun sighed as he handed her over. “No rush,” Mrs Park said. “We’re staying downstairs in the apartment tonight anyway.”

 

 

Baekhyun sighed as he walked towards the ballroom of the Four Season’s hotel. At least he had his work to hide behind. He checked the ice sculpture and the chocolate fountain, walked around and inspected each table, straightening centrepieces and adjusting the linen. It was all perfect. He took his seat, alone and conspicuous at the bridal party table, and waited for them to arrive.

 

They arrived to claps and cheers from the waiting crowd. Baekhyun tried not to feel sick at the sight of Chanyeol arm in arm with some beautiful man from the wedding party. He pretended his old insecurities weren’t threatening to bust through the surface as he watched them stand along the front of the room, all long legs and bright smiles, but his chest felt heavy. And for once it wasn’t the milk.

 

But when they finally took their seats he relaxed. “Hi,” Chanyeol said as he threw an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder and kissed him unselfconsciously. “I missed you. I can’t believe you got to go home and see them without me. I miss them. What were they doing?” Baekhyun chuckled at his tipsy babbling and elbowed him in the ribs a bit. “How many glasses of champagne did you have?” “Three,” Chanyeol confessed. “The photos went for so long and Jongin’s model friends are so boring.” He rolled his eyes as he looked around conspiratorially. “This guy they paired me up with is...” he looked around again before leaning in even closer. “Baek he’s a vegan...” Baekhyun gasped playfully and clutched his chest in mock horror. 

 

Chanyeol drank another glass and rubbed his red nose. “Have some,” he said as he put one in front of Baekhyun who shook his head. He hardly ever had to pump now but he knew if he drank he’d have to pump and dump the milk and he didn’t want to. He’d rather go without. “Eat something,” he said as he elbowed Chanyeol in the side again making the drunk man groan and just snuggle closer to him. Baekhyun forgot how clingy drunk Chanyeol was.

 

“Remember their engagement party?”Chanyeol said as he watched Jongin and Kyungsoo cut into the enormous cake. “How can I forget?” Baekhyun laughed. “If we hadn’tgot so drunk we probably wouldn’t have gotten pregnant and we probably wouldn’t be here like this.” Chanyeol’s grin momentarily vanished as he stared Baekhyun in the eye. “Any regrets?” He asked softly and Baekhyun shook his head without hesitation. “No way.”

 

 

Once the cake was eaten and the first dance was done Baekhyun got restless. His chest was heavy again and the food, while delicious, wasn’t hearty enough to fuel a body producing milk. He looked at his watch, saw it was 10pm, and took his keys out. “I’m going to go,” he said softly, “you stay. Have fun and just get a cab home later.” “Nooooooo......” Chanyeol slurred a little. “I wanna go home. All the things I like are there.” He fluttered his eyelashes at Baekhyun endearingly who melted. This guy really knew how to push all his buttons. “Okay. Let’s go home then,” Baekhyun stood and dragged Chanyeol over to Jongin and Kyungsoo to say goodbye before leading him with minimal difficulty towards the car.

 

They drove in silence for a while, Baekhyun concentrating on the road, Chanyeol staring out the window. Baekhyun wondered if he was asleep until he suddenly piped up out of the blue. “Baek. I love you,” he said and reached a hand over to rub Baekhyun’s knee. “I love you too Chanyeol,” he said as he smiled in the dark. “Do we have food?” Chanyeol murmured and Baekhyun nodded. “Yeah, you made a vegetable lasagne remember?” “Ooh,” Chanyeol chuckled at that. “I love lasagne. I made the food but you make the babies and that’s so clever Baekhyun. I don’t know how you made such amazing beautiful babies...” “Well I didn’t do it by myself,” Baekhyun laughed. A snore sounded in the silence that descended and Baekhyun laughed again. He knew Chanyeol was going to fall asleep.

 

 

“Oh you poor thing,” Mrs Park scowled when she saw Baekhyun dragging Chanyeol into the apartment. “You’re not looking after him and the babies tonight. Let me stay and give you a hand.” Baekhyun shook his head. “Just help him get something to eat while I feed them and then you can go. I’ll be fine,” Baekhyun said as Mrs Park dragged Chanyeol into the kitchen and Baekhyun took Minjoon from Mr Park. By the time he’d fed them both, one from each side, they were both happy to settle into their cribs and Baekhyun waved his in-laws away to spend the night a few floors down in the other apartment.

 

He didn’t want Chanyeol to shower but the food seemed to have sobered him up a little. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly as he sat on the bed struggling to get his shoes off. “Do you want a shower?” Baekhyun asked him and he nodded. “Yeah. I think it will help.” 

 

“Sorry,” Chanyeol mumbled again as Baekhyun helped him undress and get under the hot water. Baekhyun sat down on the closed toilet seat lid to keep an eye on the wobbly legged man standing under the water. “Don’t be sorry,” Baekhyun said quietly, almost imperceptibly, as memories flooded back. All the things Chanyeol had done for him without reservation or reproach. The least he could do was help him take a long drunken shower and get him into bed.

 

When Chanyeol was showered and settled into bed Baekhyun followed him. He silently thanked the universe for sending him this enormous, wonderfully quirky man, who wore his heart on his sleeve and lived his life so honestly. Chanyeol tossed an arm over him and Baekhyun moved into his body heat even thought he still smelled a little like champagne and salmon vol au vents.

 

He was just drifting off when a cry from the babies room sounded like a beacon in the night. “Your turn tomorrow night,” Baekhyun grumbled as he slipped out from under Chanyeol’s arm. Chanyeol just snored and rolled over but Baekhyun didn’t care. He was so in love and so happy. Everything was perfect.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
